If Dreams Came True
by MI-CHAN66
Summary: Izaya disappears and the only people that know why refuse to tell. Shizuo has now made it his goal to find out just what exactly is going on and finds out some darks secrets about Izaya's life in the process. First fic!. rated T for now. M for later chp.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;**_

_**1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships.**_

_**If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you.**_

_**2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. **_

_**Thank you.**_

_**This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her.**_

**Shizuo's POV:**

He's crying.

Never since the day I first met him have I seen him cry.

Even after being punched, kicked, or even smacked down with vending machines has he ever shed a single tear.

Here we are in some god forsaken alleyway with the ice cold concrete and that goddamn yellow spray painted dumpster that smells like corn chips and ass as he clings to me for dear life and cries his eyes out.

Seeing him cry is like finding a dead puppy on the side of the road. The worst part about all of this, is that its because of _me_ that he's crying. He's hurting now because of me.

I don't know how to handle it. All I know is that I want to comfort him. Hold him. Do anything to make him stop crying. He doesn't deserve to be hurting like this. He doesn't deserve to _hurt_ like this.

But I'm also happy.

He trusts me. Trusts me enough to cry in front of me. And for someone like him, trust is something important. I don't think he's ever been able to trust another living being in his entire life.

I'm happy.

I want to be there for him.

This is never what I expected to happen. To be here with him, like this, seems almost impossible now. I never thought I could care about him at all, at least not in a way that _didn't_ involving my hater for him.

For Izaya.

As a human being (or should I say monster?) I can't help but feel sympathy for him though. I never thought anything so horrible could ever happen to him. Never thought anything so horrible could happen to back on how I acted towards him in high school, I can't help but feel that I just made things worse for him. He says I'm an idiot for thinking so.

Then again, he calls me an idiot for pretty much everything I do.

Ha.

Yet after everything that's happened to him, after everything that I've done, after what _they_ did. He's still here, living to the best of his ability. And apparently his best is pretty good, knowing his income and simply looking at the apartment he lives in.

Honestly I'm amazed at the fact that he's still sane (well, sane-_ish_) after everything he's been through. Everything he's been forced to endure. Would things have been different if he had been raised like a normal kid? Would we have been friends in high school?

So many peoples lives would have been a hell of a lot better if he had. But then he wouldn't be special. He wouldn't be Izaya.

My Izaya.

"Sh-Shizu-chan…."

He stuttered my name as he sobbed, completely breaking me from my train of thought.

He clung to shirt so, so desperately begging me to stay with him.

What do I do?

How do I help him?

How _can_ I help him?

I want to save him.

I cant.

He wont let me.

He doesn't want to admit to himself that he needs saved.

I've asked those same questions before, haven't I?

Yes, when all this first started, I remember…

Everything had started about 4 and a half months ago. On my end, everything was going great, the "goddamn flea" (regret calling him that now) hadn't shown up in Ikebukuro in 2 weeks and for the first time in my life it felt like everything was finally starting to look up for me. At work, my services were only needed a couple times at best, I wasn't getting angry as much, and of course, Izaya hadn't been seen around at all.

It wasn't till the week after that that Shinra had started to act strange as well. Stranger than usual at least. At first, I put it off as nothing. What ever it was, was none of my business. But then Celty came to me, asking if I knew what was wrong with Shinra. Of course I didn't, I mean, why would I? I figured Shinra would act like thus until someone would ask him what was wrong, and if no one did, he'd probably just come out with it any way. He never did. I found out later that a lot of people _did _ask him about it, and he'd ignore them. The odd thing was, everyone could just kind of tell Shinra's odd behavior had something to do with Izaya, and it bugged that crap out of me because for the first time ever, Shinra _wasn't _talking. At least not about anything Involving the informant. A couple weeks after that, I heard form Kadota that Mairu and Kururi stopped going to school. Normally something like that wouldn't concern me at all, but with Izaya's disappearance and Shinra's odd behavior I knew this wasn't a coincidence.

This continued on for a whole month.

No one had seen any sign of Izaya or the twins, and Shinra did everything he could to avoid the subject. Eventually, Celty stopped talking..typing..about it as well. It seemed that whatever was going on, Celty found out about it, and Shinra made her swear not to tell anyone. And that was all she told me.

This bothered me even more. Celty would tell me everything. What was so important that it had to be kept secret form me?

Of course, at the time, I really had no idea what was going on, now I know just how important it was for them to keep it a secret.

For a while, I blew off their strange behavior and tried to completely erase all thoughts of the flea from my mind. It didn't work. When about 60% of my life consisted of me hunting him down, it was kind of hard to not think about where he was and what he was doing.

I remember thinking at one point that he was probably planning something. That he'd show up randomly one day and sick one of the colored gangs on me, which made me a paranoid wreck, and I was back to destroying things on a daily basis.

But he never showed up.

In my mind, I kept telling myself that this was good. No one liked the flea, he'd be better off dead. But a tight feeling in my chest told me that there was something _wrong._ And I'd be a goddamn liar if I said I wasn't concerned.

2 weeks after that, I went to Shinra's apartment to confront him about the fleas disappearance, discreetly of course. I figured if I ambushed him with questions he'd cave eventually. I always thought he was pretty week willed.

It didn't go as I expected it to.

"Shizuo! What a surprise!" the doctor spoke with a weird kind of cheerfulness in his tone that made just a little bit uncomfortable.

"Did you get yourself hurt again? Do you need more stitches? Or perhaps you came just to visit little old m-!"

"Cut the crap Shinra." I couldn't help be a little snippy with him. I regret that now too.

"Where the hell did that goddamn flea go because I swear to god if you're both hiding something form me I swear to god I'll-"

"Shizuo." He cut me off.

"I don't think that is any of your business." The look he gave me while he said that sent shivers down my spine. I had never seen Shinra act like that. Never.

I tried to act like it didn't bother me.

…

"I heard his sisters stopped going to school around the time he stopped showing his face around here."

"Shizuo-"He tried to cut in.

I stopped him.

"Everyone's noticed the way your acting too. Your obviously hiding something from me."

"Shizuo I-"

"Did you honestly think nobody would notice? Even Kadota's been freaking out about it. Not that I care." wasn't my best lie. "Honestly I'd rather that the flea just drop dead somewhe-"

"SHIZUO!"

That startled me.

That was the first time I had ever heard Shinra raise his voice like that.

I shut my mouth right then and there. The hurt look he gave me was enough to tell me that something was seriously wrong, and I needed to just shut the fuck up. We stayed silent for a long time. I didn't know what to say to him, luckily for me he decided to kick off the next conversation.

"Izaya's father died the other day."

I never expected it to start like that however.

* * *

**Authors notes:**

**Hello. I'd like to thank for reading the first chapter of "If Dreams Came True". I was really nervous about putting it up here and still am. O.o The first chapter is short and doesn't make a lot of sense but to be perfectly honest this was the best way I could write it.**

**This is my first Durarara! fanfiction and the first story I've ever put up on the internet for other people to see besides my close personal friends. I'm very nervous and hope that if you did like the first chapter, even a little bit, that you'll stick around for chapter two as well, because the story wont make any sense at all otherwise. I'd really appreciate any reviews of it so far and hopefully any pointers to make it better. I've got the first few chapters written already and would love any constructive criticism given. ^^**

**Thank you again for reading the first chapter of my first story! **


	2. Disappearance

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

**Shizuo's POV:**

"What did you just say?"

I still remember that exact feeling I had that day. Confusion on the highest level. I didn't expect Shinra to tell me something like that. At all.

He sighed and continued.

" His father died in a car crash the other day. Died on impact. Izaya's taking care of the twins now, and its just been kind of hectic for them right now, okay?"

It sounded reasonable enough, but the way his eyes flickered to the right when he finished his sentence made me wary.

There was more to this story than he was telling me.

I let it go for a couple more weeks, thinking everything would go back to normal soon enough, but the tight feeling in my chest wasn't going away. I knew there was more to this, and I had this nagging feeling that everything was going to get even worse, but once again I ignored.

I tried to go about my daily routine as normally as I possibly could all the while keeping my eyes out for the raven haired informant.

Tom however, knew that I was acting strange, and strangely enough figured out exactly what was wrong with me.

He's always been pretty sharp.

Another couple weeks passed, and besides the absence of the annoying informant nothing was really out of the ordinary.

Then the twins came back.

At first everything seemed pretty normal, until I got a closer look at them one day.

The moment I saw them I knew something was horribly wrong.

Mairu was always cheerful and practically never shut her mouth. But as she wandered the streets with her sister, it wasn't hard to see how messed up they were.

The look in their eyes was almost…

….dead.

Seeing them around Ikebukuro was almost painful. I tried acting friendly towards them and fought with myself tooth and nail to keep any questions about Izaya to myself, I just didn't want them to be even worse off because of my constant nagging.

I'd see them pretty often actually, it was like they spent as much time away from home as they possibly could before sun down.

I'd see them a lot around Russian Sushi.

We'd exchange pleasantries and they'd tell me about their day at school and how annoying Mr. so-and-so was. We'd have very typical conversations. Very normal. They never really talked about their brother much to begin with, but it surprised me when he wouldn't come up in any of our conversations at all. I tried my hardest not to bring him up, because it was obvious that he was the source of whatever problems they were having.

Things seemed normal enough around Ikebukuro. Color gangs would still fight, Shinra still had "patients" if you could even call them that, people still had unpaid debts, and Mairu and Kururi would still spend all their time in Ikebukuro.

Nothing to out of the ordinary.

For a little while it seemed like things were going to go back to the way they were completely, and I just waited for the day he'd show up just to screw up my day.

Another month passed.

Still no sign of Izaya.

After two months and no sign of him anywhere, I wasn't the only one getting worried.

Kadota is the only person I know that can just take Izaya's crap like it was nothing, and still have the mental and emotional capacity to actually care about him, which is probably why he got suspicions of me about the fleas disappearance. He, better than anyone else, knew just how much I hated him.

Unfortunatley, I really had no idea where he was or what he was doing.

Kadota didn't really believe me.

"Hey Shizuo, you didn't kill Izaya did you?"

He eyed me curiously when my eyebrows shot up in surprise.

I looked at him like that was the most outrageous statement I'd ever heard. I guess it would have normally made sense,

Kadota was always seeing me try to kill him.

But the thought of him being actually dead scared me. More than I ever thought it would. I had never even considered that to be a possibility.

The thought frightened me.

It truly did.

And I didn't even know why.

I went back to Shinra's shortly after talking with Kadota. There was no hiding it, something was seriously going on with the flea and its started to effect everyone who knew him. I wanted to know where he is, where he's been, what's kept him away, and the most important question, is he still alive. I wanted answers this time, and I wasn't going to leave till I got them.

And again, it didn't go as I expected it to.

The moment I walked in ,Shinra gave me this odd look. Like he knew exactly why I was there but he wasn't sure if he should give me the information I wanted.

And it bugged me.

A lot of things have been doing that lately.

"Shizuo." he started. "I know what your about to ask, and honestly, it would be best if you just shut your mouth and walk back out that door."

I had to swallow a lump in my throat to answer.

"Shinra I-"

"SHINRA~!"

My jaw snapped shut when that sing song voice entered the room. That voice was..

"oh, Mairu, what are you doing here?"

The young girl came walking up from behind me, her look-a-like not far behind.

"Would you mind if we slept here tonight?" She had a smile on her face that was obviously fake.

Shinra's expression went from surprised to an almost horrifying worried.

"Why cant you sleep at home?" He asked in a low, almost growling voice.

"…scared….brother…" As always, I couldn't make sense of what Kururi was taking about, but the way Shinra tensed up told me it was nothing good.

"Yeah." He said "You can sleep in the guest room."

Mairu glanced up at me briefly before leading her sister down the hallway. Her face at that exact moment made me feel absolutely horrible. It didn't tug on my hearts strings so much as rip them apart completely. They were hurting, and I didn't know why. Her expression when she looked at me was as if she were crying for help, begging me to save them form something, but I didn't know how to react to it.

I left.

Without so much as a goodbye to Shinra.

I walked down the sidewalk with my hands in my pockets and my head down.

'_it doesn't concern me.'_

That was the line I told myself as I slowly made my way back home.

No.

I just didn't want it to concern me. I thought to myself '_any sort of suffering he gets is well deserved.'_

And just as quickly as that thought entered my mind, it vanished.

The truth was, it truly didn't concern me. Anything going on in the Orihara family just didn't concern me, no matter how much I wanted it too.

**Authors notes:**

**I'm not quiet sure this chapter really explained much either. I really don't like the way it was written myself. I've been trying to work on writing this in the past tense a little better. I've also been having trouble trying to capture Shizuo's personality correctly. That's not going to well. Well, I'll keep on working on it and hopefully things will start making more sense soon! XD**

**Any and all reviews would be very much appreciated on ways to improve my writing.**

**Thank you! **


	3. Cry

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

**Shizuo's POV:**

It wasn't till a week after that that Izaya had come up in conversion once again. I had met up with Kadota and his two weird little friends randomly on the streets one day. Those two started talking about anime, or manga, or whatever when it suddenly just came up out of the blue. It was the girl. Karisawa-san that brought him up.

"ya'know, I haven't seen Iza-Iza " weird ass nickname." in a really long time. I wonder what he's been up too." she asked as innocently as she could while eyeing me for any strange behavior I might put off. Everybody thought that I killed him.

Kadota glanced at me warily.

"He's probably just…busy, that's all." He tried to get her to back off as politely as possible. I could clearly hear the worry in his voice, however it appeared the other two were oblivious to it.

After a while they started going off about some kind of TV show about cat people or something, Kadota took the chance to talk to me about Izaya.

He turned to stand directly in front of me.

"Shizuo, when was the last time you saw him?"

I sighed.

"About a couple months ago."

He looked at me doubtfully.

"I'm serious."

Then it was his turn to sigh.

"He's probably okay though, isn't he? I mean, its Izaya after all." He was trying to make this sound less serious than it was.

I contemplated that statement for a while. Izaya was strong. Much stronger than I'd ever thought. He was crafty. Any trouble he got himself into, he always easily got himself out of.

That short conversation gave me a new found sense of hope.

Despite what I've said in the past, Orihara Izaya was not week.

Not at all.

Things appeared to be looking up after that. According to Kadota, the twins' attitude improved as well. Mairu was her same old spastic self and Kururi was…Kururi.

Shinra seemed to be getting better as well.

Izaya on the other hand, was still nowhere to be seen.

I had considered going to his apartment a couple times.

However, I had no idea where he lived, and asking Kadota or even his sisters would raise suspicions that I quiet honestly didn't want to deal with. I considered asking Shinra, but with his attitude reverting back to the way it was, I knew all he would do is tease me about "secretly caring about Izaya" or some other crap like that.

Not that he wouldn't be correct, it just would've been embarrassing as all hell.

Another week passed.

Still no Izaya.

Kadota had tried to make this seem less serious than it was, I should have known better than to get my hopes up.

I did the only thing left that I could do.

I tried asking the twins about him this time. I had wanted to avoid asking them about this, but after almost three months, and no one else was talking, what could I do? They liked me enough, and I figured they'd tell me anything I wanted to know, especially if they thought Kasuka was involved. Kadota said I should just leave it alone. He told me that he tried to talk to them about it the other day, and that they started acting strange.

I didn't believe him. I just thought _'of course they're going to act strange, its Mairu and Kururi after all.'_

That seemed reasonable enough for me. They're Izaya's little sisters, how could they not act strange?

They've had no problem with venting to me in the past, so I thought that if there was something wrong with them, or their brother, they'd tell me about it easily if I asked them to.

I didn't know how wrong I was.

I walked up to them casually waving my hand as they stood outside of Russian sushi for the umpteenth time that week.

"Hey you two." I started sounding as normal as I could. It wasn't to great, the nervousness of the whole situation was effecting me big time.

"Shizuo-chan!" Mairu squeaked and wrapped her arms around my torso.

Kururi nodded in my general direction in acknowledgment that I was there.

I took a deep breath, suddenly feeling very uneasy.

"How've you two been? Shinra said your having a hard time at Iza-…the fleas house." so far so good. Kind of.

Mairu looked down towards the ground.

"Our dad died in a car crash a little while ago." Mairu confessed solemnly.

Kururi nodded again in confirmation.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Oh no no! Please don't apologize! I mean come on! Its old news now! Besides living with Iza-nii isn't so bad!" She smiled so widely I thought that everything was going to go smoothly, that I was finally going to get some answers.

Do I even have to say it this time?

"Hey, Mairu, Kururi.. about Izaya…" I pretty much said screw being discreet and just went for it. "Did something happen to him? No ones seen him in months and I was just curious if anything was going on?"

Mairu smiled lightly. And all color faded from her eyes as she looked up at me.

"**There is nothing wrong."**

I went silent.

Definitely not the reaction I was expecting.

It was weird, if not just down right creepy.

Kururi just looked away from me. Her small hands trembling slightly.

"What do you mean?" I said shakier than I should have.

Mairu's face stayed exactly the same.

"**There is nothing wrong with big brother, you are mistaken, everything is fine."**

She sounded completely emotionless, almost robotic, this wasn't right.

"No ones seen him in months, and you two are obviously acting strange, everyone can tell, and you still say there's nothing wrong!"

I could feel the anger slowly start to build up inside me.

That wasn't good.

"**You are mistaken. There is nothing wrong."**

These responses seemed programmed into her, they were strange to say the least, this is what Kadota was talking about.

The sudden avoidance finally did it for me.

" STOP LYING AND JUST TELL ME ALREADY!"

I snapped.

"FIRST SHINRA AND NOW YOU TWO! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON THAT'S SO IMPORTANT NO ONE ELSE CAN KNOW ABOUT IT!"

I knew I really shouldn't have been yelling at them like that. It really wasn't any of my business.

But I couldn't help it. If there was something so bad they had to lie to everyone about it then what else could I do?

Mairu clenched her fists. Her eyebrows furrowed and she practically started growling at me.

"Since when do you care anyway!"

She was back to normal instantly.

But her sudden outburst startled me.

Again not the reaction I expected.

"You want him dead! Just like everybody else! No one cares! No one REALLY cares! After all this time no ones even come looking for him since he's been gone! NO ONE! Do you know how much he's been suffering? Of course you don't. why would you? After all this time you're finally deciding to ask about him! Do you know how long its been! You think just because you're asking now that means everything's alright! You're all such self jerks! You all want him to suffer! You all want him to die! Don't you? DON'T YOU!"

I'm not even sure if she was even yelling at me anymore. Her eyes were spilling over with tears as she stared at the ground ,wide eyed', panting loudly from her sudden outburst.

Kururi looked at me, her eyes teary, as she grabbed her sisters wrist and tried to tug her away.

Mairu wouldn't budge, as if she were glued to the spot.

I didn't know what to say.

What could I say?

What was there to say?

Nothing.

There was nothing to say. It was true wasn't it? Everything she said. I did want him dead. I did want him to suffer. For everything he's done to me, and everyone else.

He _deserved_ to suffer.

No ones come looking for him?

No, I don't need to worry about this, its just as Mairu said, I don't really care.

All this time? How long exactly?

I want him dead. I want him to suffer.

What, exactly, is making him suffer?

"And I'm no different."

I looked up at her, almost unsure if I had heard her correctly.

I had.

With that final statement, she ran off, Kururi following after her through the streets of the city with various confused onlookers following them with their eyes as they went.

This is serious.

'_he's suffering'_

Something is wrong.

'_no one cares'_

Horribly wrong.

'_you don't care'_

Am I really no different?

'_do you?'_

I knew then that I had to do something. Anything. Hate the flea or not, he needed help and no one was there to help him.

I wanted to protect him, but I didn't know what I was protecting him from.

**Authors notes:**

**Chapters are slowly getting longer, hurray! Unfortunately, this chapter hasn't really helped much with explanations either. And again I hate the way it was written. Sigh~ T^T I hope things will start getting a little more clear in the next chapter. I still feel like everything's kind of getting rushed into though…I didn't exactly want Shizuo's little flashbacking explanation thing to take a long time, but this isn't exactly how I want it to go. Sad. But I guess ill be able to catch up to present times pretty quickly and start getting into some Izaya POV's. XD when his point of view comes around I know things will start making a lot more sense.**

**Reviews are always appreciated! Thank you!**


	4. Trust

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

**Shizuo's POV:**

I laid in bed, contemplating every word that Mairu had said to me.

Honestly I didn't really think she cared for him enough to actually try to defend him, not that I really offended him in that particular conversation but still.

Izaya was suffering. And I didn't know why, and it made me uneasy.

I just kept asking myself the same questions. And kept giving myself he same answers.

What should I do?

_Nothing._

Does he need help?

_Who cares._

What's causing him to suffer?

_Not my problem._

Why isn't Shinra helping him?

_Why should he?_

Doesn't anyone care?

_Who in their right mind would?_

"Damn it." I cursed out loud. No matter how many times I said it to myself, it wouldn't change just how much I _did_ care. Or how much I wanted to help him.

But why the hell would I want to help him?

I still don't have an answer.

I didn't get any sleep that night. The thoughts of Izaya wouldn't let me. I tried to think of when I saw him last. If maybe there was any strange behavior from him that I missed. I couldn't think of anything. He was his usual annoying self, saying all the right things to piss me off.

I sigh as I walked down the street. It just so happened to be my day off, so there wasn't even anything to distract me from my thoughts.

I had been walking for hours, the sun had even began to set, I briefly contemplated going back home and trying to get some sleep. I'm not quite sure what kept me from doing just that, but whatever it was, I'm grateful for it.

Because just then, I saw Izaya.

He was walking just a few feet away from me. He was holding onto his left arm and walking briskly into an alleyway with his head down.

Something about it just didn't seem right.

I ran after him as fast as I could. I had finally seen him after all this time and I wasn't about to let him get away from me. The moment I turned the corner into the alleyway, I saw him. Sitting on the ground hunched over with his back against the wall. He didn't notice me. I walked up to him and just stood. Waiting for him to realize that I was there. He didn't.

" Hey flea."

The moment I spoke he jumped. He really had no idea I was there.

He looked up at me curiously, suspiciously. As if I were going to hurt him. Normally I would have. But these were different circumstances.

I still have the way he looked clear in my mind.

Face littered with bruises and cuts. Blood running from his nose. And a huge gash on his left shoulder blade. I firs thought he had a run in with one of the gangs, I was wrong, again.

"Where the hell have you been?"

If I could go back in time, I would've changed the way I acted to him then.

"And what the hell happened to you?"

He didn't answer.

This was just one more odd thing to add to the list because since when did Izaya stay silent about anything?

His hands curled into fists on the cool concrete and his teeth clenched together, but he refused to say a word.

I was about to lash out at him for ignoring me and being gone all at once until something caught my eye.

He was shaking.

Whether it was out of fear or pain I still don't know, but it was still enough to stop me in my tracks.

All the anger in my system just sort of melted away. That would be the first time I was ever able to control myself in the presence of Orihara Izaya.

I sighed.

This was going to be a long night.

I kneeled down besides him and grabbed his uninjured arm, hoisting him up onto his feet.

"Come on."

Was all I said to him before I started to lead him out of the cold alleyway and back onto the busy streets.

He looked at me with this bewildered look on his face. I ignored the confused looks and glares he'd send me as I led him down the streets of Ikebukuro. He struggled a couple times but I'd just slightly tighten my grip to let him know he wasn't going anywhere, he told me later that he thought I was going to shove him into oncoming traffic or something.

I took him into a local pharmacy. I bought bandages, cotton swabs, and disinfectant alcohol.

At that point the realized what I was doing and just gave me this disappointing pout that I actually found rather adorable.

But he still wouldn't speak.

The cashier stared at us curiously as I took him into the bathroom.

I let go of his arm and began preparing a cotton swab to dab off the blood as he glared at me.

" Alright, come here flea, the faster we do this, the faster we both get on with our lives."

Despite how worried I was about him I still couldn't just make myself act nicer.

Stupid pride.

He looked at me, then the cotton swab, but stayed glued to his spot in the bathroom.

His stubbornness was getting on my nerves.

I sighed once again and walked over to him. He visibly tensed and took a step back from me. There was a slight twinge in my chest at the action, but I proceeded to walk towards him. He pressed his back against the wall as I took a few steps closer. He was afraid of me. No doubt about it. He's never showed fear towards me before.

Gently, as gently as I could, I touched the swab against a cut on his cheek and caressed the other in my free hand as I cleaned the wound. He stared at me once again with that same confused expression from before.

I could feel all the confidence I had before slowly fade away as he stared directly into my eyes.

He just stared, as I moved from cleaning one infliction to another. There was confusion prominent in his red irises, yet also a faint hint of understanding. At least he knew I was really trying to help him.

Once the cuts and bloody nose were taken care of I bent down and picked up the bandages. He eyed the bandages warily before scooting away from me slightly, I knew he was going to make this as difficult as possible.

"Turn around louse. I need to take care of that too." I said gesturing towards his injured shoulder.

Still more silence.

"Alright this is getting ridiculous." I said angrily. "Just turn your ass around so we can get this over with."

He stood there for a moment, obviously trying to decide what he should do, for a split second I thought I'd have to do it by force. Luckily for me, he took off his jacket and sat on the floor, with his back turned to me.

I thanked the heavens above that he was finally cooperating with me.

I sat down behind him and slowly began to lift up his shirt, suddenly feeling _extremely embarrassed._

"W-wait, Shizu-chan!" He suddenly said trying to stop me,

I lifted his shirt up over his shoulder and just froze.

Right there,

reaching from the top of his left shoulder down to his navel in a splattered paint shape,

was the scar.

**Authors notes:**

**Ok! Story's getting slightly better now! I was having some trouble trying to describe what the scar looked like. :/ that was the best way I could think of how to do it. I'm almost ready to start doing some Izaya POV's as well! (getting excited about that) ;) I just hope it doesn't sound like I'm rushing into the main story to much. ****L **

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 4!**


	5. Saviour

_Disclaimer:_

_I _do_ not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

_**To all who reviewed~**_

_Thank you all so much! I'm so happy that so many people have read and enjoyed my story so far! I've been trying to do better with spelling and Kurgy has agreed to edit the chapters from this point on to help with spelling and grammar mistakes. ^^ I'm going to start replying to all your reviews individually soon to. Thank you again for all your kind reviews! _

_

* * *

_

**Shizuo's POV:**

I didn't know what to say.

Apparently neither did he.

He went silent once again and I couldn't do anything but stare at the rough damaged flesh on this back.

Had this always been here? No, more importantly, was this something I had caused? I was hitting him with things all the time but never actually thought that I had ever hurt him.

"Izaya…" I said quietly.

"….yes?"

"Is this…from me?"

He turned and looked at me with a surprised expression scribbled on his features.

"W-What?" I said semi-angrily.

And then he laughed.

Laughed like this was the funniest situation on earth. I just stared at him in disbelief. After about 5 minutes of him laughing none stop (I'm still surprised I didn't lose my temper) he began to settle down enough for me to speak with him.

"What the hell is so goddamn funny flea." I growled.

He looked at me with a small smile on his face. An actual smile. Not one of those annoying smirks he gives to everyone, but a genuine smile.

It gave me butterflies.

"No, Shizu-chan, this isn't from you. How funny that that's the first thing you ask when you see something like this. Most people would've simply asked 'what happened' or 'does it hurt' or something like that. Not automatically assume it was something they did. Then again only someone like _you_, who hurts everyone, would think that this was their fault, and another thing~"

Suddenly he just wouldn't shut up. He kept on talking about what normal people would've done in my position as I just sat there. Once again, at a lose for what to say.

"Okay fine," I started "How _did_ it happen?"

His playful little smile suddenly fell into a sorrowful frown, and I immediately wished I had just stayed silent.

"I hardly think that's any of your business Shizu-chan." he said in a low tone.

For the billionth time that night, I sighed, this was going nowhere. Instead of prolonging the conversation, I turned him around and began to clean the gash, just bellow his shoulder blade. He must've decided this would've been a good time to shut up as well.

Just as I began wrapping the bandage around his torso he asked me the one question I didn't have an answer for.

"Why are you doing this?"

I paused for a moment, but then continued wrapping the bandage.

"Because I felt like it flea."

He chuckled slightly.

"That doesn't make any sense Shizu-chan."

And then the subject was dropped.

I finished bandaging him and pulled his shirt back down. He stood immediately and put his jacket back on. I wanted to say something. I really did. But I just didn't know what to say. And all the complications my small act of kindness would bring soon dawned on me. There was no way Izaya would keep his mouth shut about this.

Why was I helping him out anyway? I had absolutely no reason to be offering him my help. At all. I suddenly started getting angry. Angry at myself for being so stupid. Angry at him for…being Izaya. I don't care about him. It would be better for everyone if he would just go and die.

I felt my teeth clench together. I seriously wanted to punch something, and it took every bit of self control I had to hold back. With all the time I've spent worrying about him I could've been enjoying a more peaceful life! He ruins everything! He's suffering, and he deserves to be! He fucking framed me!

I hate him

I hate him

I hate him

I hate-

"Thank you."

I was snapped back to my senses immediately. What did he just say? He was so quiet that for a second there I had thought that I heard him wrong.

He turned to face me with the same dull eyes Mairu and Kururi had just a few days ago.

"Thank you." He repeated, sounding more sure of himself.

"You're…thanking me?" I said incredulously.

His face scrunched up slightly, obviously displeased with my response.

"not anymore, no." He said crossing his arms at me.

I chuckled. He was acting like a child.

"Your welcome fle-…"

I hesitated. Thinking over my response.

"Your welcome Izaya."

We walked out of the pharmacy side by side back onto the busy streets. He glanced up at me briefly, then quickly looked away, with a troubled look on his features that didn't settle well with me.

"So are you…going home?" I said patting him on the shoulder.

He flinched.

His troubled face suddenly turned to one of panic and…fear?

"NO!" He shouted suddenly.

His outburst caught me off guard. What the hell was that about? I was just about to ask him about it when I noticed how nervous he was. I've never seen him this way. He always acted so cocky, so sure of himself, like he was on top of the world. Not nervous, flinchy, and just down right scared. So completely scared. What is he scared of? Not quite of me…but more like my touch. He didn't want me to touch him. I didn't like that.

"I…don't want to go there…not now.."

I shifted uncomfortably on my feet as we both fell silent. He didn't flinch away from my touch before…what was different about it now? What had changed? Because I asked him about going home? How could that be it? What was so wrong with going home?

(One more thing I'd find out about later on.)

Sighing is becoming a habit of mine recently. I brought my hand up just inches away from his, and then slowly pulled away, I didn't want to scare him. I didn't want him to be afraid of me.

"Do you want to get something to eat?" Was the first thing out of my mouth.

What the hell is my problem? What kind of question is that in this kind of situation?

"You serious?" he asked oddly.

I was taken aback by his answer. Was he actually considering it? Me and him walking side by side to go dine at a restaurant? Doesn't that seem kind of like a…..date?

My face flushed at the thought.

"Shizu-chan? Hello?"

I shook my head vigorously.

"Y-Yeah! Wanna get some food?"

The blush on my cheeks couldn't be anymore obvious. He stood there for a moment. Looking me straight in the eyes, looking for any sign of ill-intent on my part. There was none.

"Alright then, if you insist. What did you have in mind?" All the fear that was so visible in his eyes from before just suddenly...vanished.

"ummmm…I hadn't really thought about it…" I admitted, scratching the back of my head.

He sighed as he shoved his hands in his pockets. That was when I realized the seriousness of the situation I was in. I really just invited him to go out somewhere with me. And he actually AGREED to it. What the hell do I do? What happens if somebody sees us?

…

I really need to start thinking things through.

* * *

**Authors notes:**

**This chapter is slightly longer! Hurray! XD and thank you again to everyone who reviewed chapters 1-4! I really appreciated all the pointers and compliments I received! Those are what inspired me to keep writing this story! Flashback sequence is almost finished, and I'm really excited about getting to write from Izaya's point of view. Things will get A LOT more clear then. ^^**

**Thank you for reading chapter 5! Any and all reviews are appreciated!**


	6. Suffocate

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

_

* * *

_

**Shizuo's POV:**

I've never felt so uncomfortable in my entire life. Here I am, sitting in some small corner store type restaurant that practically serves nothing that _isn't _a beef bowl, with a name that I didn't care enough to remember, while he sits there quietly eating his food, not even _looking _at me.

I had absolutely _no_ appetite yet I had a huge bowl of food anyway.

_He_ on the other hand is acting like this is the first time he's seen food in weeks.

…

That had better not be the case.

He glanced up at me, then returned his gaze to his food.

"You aren't eating." He stated.

My body tensed up for a brief moment.

"Well, I…." I didn't know how to finish that sentence. I _wasn't _hungry. I just offered to treat him to something to help lighten the mood. I didn't know he was planning on paying, or buying me the biggest fucking meal on the menu.

"You're the one who suggested getting something to eat."

He grumbled about being rude or something while he continued to eat.

Yes, I did.

And where has that gotten us?

I picked up my chopsticks and stared at the mess of food in front of me. Normally this wouldn't look so bad, but I've already had dinner and the smell of overwhelming uncooked meat from this place is completely sickening.

"I…don't think I can eat this." I admitted.

He looked at me with an unreadable expression.

"You should've just said so."

He reached across the table and slid the hot bowl of food over to him.

"If you wont eat it then I will." He said as he started consuming the that huge bowl of food right in front of me. I felt my stomach do a flip. I didn't know a human being could eat that much. Bleh. Resisting the urge to vomit, I looked out the window, then glanced at my watch. 11:49am.

The streets were pretty much empty at this point, and I'm amazed this place is still open. We've been sitting here for about an hour at this point, and we've barely said anything to each other, but it seems no matter how many times I try I cant stop staring at his face. All those cuts and bruises…who did that? It was bugging me more than it should but I couldn't just make myself ask about them. It'd probably just make him all nervous again, and that was the last thing I wanted.

After about 5 minutes he finished what was supposed to be my food and stood, slowly walking out of the restaurant, with me following closely behind.

We walked down he street together for a few more minutes until we reached a bus stop.

"Well, thanks for the food Shizu-chan." He said turning to look at me.

"Um, no problem. You're the one who paid though." I said lighting a cigarette.

He smirked.

"Yes well, you can pay me back next time."

Somehow I saw that one coming.

"Yeah yeah." I said waving my hand in the air dismissively.

More silence broke out.

I couldn't help but start to fidget with my fingers, normally Izaya would be talking a mile a minute, and the fact that he wouldn't say _anything_ was just making me even more uncomfortable.

"Are you gonna go back home?" I asked.

He thought about it for a bit, then nodded.

"yeah."

We stood there or a little while longer. I wasn't quite sure what to do. He didn't seem to sure either.

"Well…" he started "See ya around Shizu-chan."

With that said, turned around and began walking back home, but I suddenly felt panicked. He disappeared for months, and if he walks away now, there's a good chance he'll do it again.

What if next time I find him he's injured again?

Or what if he's _dead_.

What if there isn't a next time?

I panicked.

"WAIT!" I yelled.

It startled him, he turned back around wide eyed, as if he'd never heard me yell before.

"Let me…see your phone." I said embarrassed.

He tilted his head to the side confused, but handed his phone to me anyway. I hurriedly grabbed the phone and typed away at it before shoving it back in his face.

He looked at the metallic device for a moment then looked back up at me skeptically.

"What's this?" he said in a confused tone.

I stayed silent for a moment, feeling more embarrassed than I ever had in my life.

"It's my….cell phone number." I admitted, completely flustered.

"…why?"

I swallowed nervously. Why did he even have to ask?

"Because….I want you to keep in touch with me."

He stared at me. Then laughed. Again.

"You **what!"** he said giggling out of his mind.

My face was burning from embarrassment but I stayed calm.

"You help me out once and you wanna be best friends now do ya?" he said whipping the tears from his eyes as he continued to laugh.

This. Is. Fucking. Awful.

"J-Just shut up louse!" I shouted.

"What the hell did you expect me to do after you disappear for 2 months and then just magically show up all covered cuts and bruises huh! Or are you expecting me to take care of you every time you get the shit beat out of you!"

He stopped laughing and stared at me. His crimson irises looking into my eyes like open doors. It made me uncomfortable.

"Why would you care about that anyway?" He asked quietly.

I tensed. I don't _know_ why! I just…I just do.

"Because I do?"

…..

We stared at each other for a full ten minutes before he put his hands back in his pockets and once again began to walk away.

"I'll keep in touch." was all he said before he disappeared from my line of sight.

I sighed and looked at my watch.

12:30.

I groaned, I had to go to work tomorrow.

Lucky for me, I woke up the next morning at 6. An hour _before_ I had to go to work. Yippee.

I got up and walked over to the kitchen, putting some toast in the toaster and starting the coffee. For the next 10 minutes I was in the bathroom dressing myself for the day in the usual bartender uniform that I had gotten from Kasuka. I walked back into the kitchen to get my toast when I heard my phone go off.

I blinked. Who would be messaging me this early in the morning?

I walked over to coffee table and picked up the small device quickly opening the message.

'_good morning'_

It was Izaya.

My heart was beating so fast I felt like it would explode at any minute.

I quickly sent 'good morning' back to him and grabbed my sunglasses, the toast and coffee going ignored as I hurried out the door.

When he said he'd keep in touch he meant it. But did he have to text me so _early?_ what the hell am I kidding, that message made me insanely happy.

Around lunch time that day I decided to text him again, and after going over what I was going to say for about 20 minutes, Tom finally snatched to phone from my hand and typed it for me.

'_how are you?'_

Short. Sweet. And to the point.

It was good enough.

At first I was nervous about telling Tom about my little encounter with Izaya the night before, but decided it was a good idea when he didn't laugh at me when my tale was done. At first he was amazed that I didn't try to kill him. But then he looked at me with a sheepish grin that _definitely _didn't set well with me. But he didn't say anything about it, so neither did I.

About 3 minutes after the message was sent, I got a reply.

'_I'm fine.'_

The message made me smile lightly, and my smile made Tom grin even wider. I was about to call him on it when I got another message.

'_How about you?'_

I was beaming with happiness as I typed away at my phone, completely ignoring the smug grins Tom kept giving me.

Izaya told me that he still has no idea why he decided to text me so early in the morning, but I'm glad he did. I truly am.

A few days went by, and Izaya continued to text me quick_ 'good mornings' _and _'good nights'_ with little messages in between that I had absolutely no problem replying to, when one day it just stopped. He didn't message me in the morning, which at first I thought was odd, but quickly dismissed it as me being over protective, and then I mentally slapped myself for being protective at all and once again tried to tell myself all the things he had done to me to make my life miserable. But no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get mad at him, so that stopped pretty quickly. So I text him a _'what's up?'_ and proceeded to go about my day the way I usually would.

He didn't reply.

When the third day came around and I stilled hadn't heard anything from him, I once again got that tight feeling in my chest that told me there was something wrong. I got anxious, I wanted to see him. To talk to him. But I couldn't. He wouldn't answer my messages, or my calls, and I didn't know why. I did the only thing I could do. I got angry. Angry that he lied to me again. He said he'd keep in touch with me. He lied. I should've seen it coming. It wasn't like we were friends, we were hardly acquaintances, I just randomly helped him out one night. It was no big deal, and it wasn't like that small encounter changed our relationship completely. For him, it didn't. It meant nothing. But for me. It was everything. Those emotions that he showed to me that night were like nothing I'd ever seen from him before. It showed me he was human.

Something that night just clicked for me.

I cared for Izaya.

More than I ever thought possible. And whatever the reason was, I wanted to help him. Protect him. Be with him. No matter what.

For most of the day, I walked around with Tom as he questioned people about their unpaid debts. I tried to act as normal as possible. And for a while, he didn't seem to notice how uneasy I was. Around lunch time however, he was all over me.

"You're not going to talk to Izaya-san today Shizuo?" He said with that same stupid grin.

"Not your business Tom-san." I said as politely as I could.

He sighed "I guess not. But you've had your eyes glued to your phone for the last few days talking to him, so its just kind of odd that your not doing it today." he said shrugging his arms.

"Yeah well he wont answer me!"

I cupped my hand over my mouth immediately.

I didn't want Tom to hear that.

"No?" he asked curiously.

I sighed again, "No." I decided to say.

Tom put a hand up to his chin, thinking.

"Ya'know I haven't seen him around recently, something wrong?"

Damn it.

"No one has. And I don't know."

The bitterness in my voice was obvious.

"Except you." Tom stated.

I looked at him for a moment, then quickly looked away.

That was true. But I only saw him once that night.

"Well, doesn't he have little sisters? Those twin girls…have you tried talking to them about it?"

The question made me frown. Just thinking about that time makes me cringe. Mairu looked so hurt, and all I did was yell at her.

"I'll take that as a yes. It didn't go well did it?"

"No." I said lowly.

"I think you should try again." he said in a firm voice.

I almost tried to argue with him about it, but when I saw the serious look on his face, I couldn't. Instead, Tom let me have the rest of the day off as I head off toward Russian sushi to find Mairu and Kururi.

* * *

**Authors notes:**

**This chapter seemed really rushed to me. ****L I went over it a million times adding things and taking things out but I couldn't quite figure out what was really wrong with it. Sad face. Oh well, I'll work hard to make sure the next chapter flows better, plus, Kurgy is helping me write the next chapter too! XD She's going to be writing about how Izaya is feeling. Hurray!**

**Any and all reviews are appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 6!**


	7. Reason

_**Kurgy: I got to help write some of this chapter! **__**XD**_

_**MI-CHAN66: Kurgy is good with writing about mental break downs and stuff. **_

_**Kurgy: And I enjoyed doing it too.**__** ;D**_

_**MI-CHAN66: This chapter is a lot long than my other ones and I'm REALLY happy about it! XD So please sit back and enjoy the 7**__**th**__** chapter of "If Dreams Came True"!**_

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

_

* * *

_

**Shizuo's POV:**

After two hours of waiting and multiple discounted sushi offers, they finally came. The moment Mairu spotted me, her face contorted into a resentful scowl, and Kururi eyed both of us warily, waiting for the impending doom that was sure to come.

"Shizuo." She said angrily.

"Um, Hi...Mairu."

She looked at me for a while, then huffed loudly as she grabbed her sisters hand and began to walk away.

"H-Hey, hold on a minute!" I shouted.

She turned her cold gaze back to me, while Kururi sighed.

"What do you want?" she snapped. "If you're here to bad mouth my brother I'd appreciate it if you at least talked to someone _else_ about it."

This was going to be a long difficult talk.

I tired to start it off as friendly as possible.

I invited them inside, bought a nice tray of sushi, and chose the best seat possible for us to talk in private. Mairu refused at first, but somehow Kururi convinced her to least give me a chance.

I Started off asking simple everyday questions, like "How was school?" and other things of that nature. but It seemed every question I asked just resulted in an even more incredibly awkward silence.

"Is there something specific you wanted to talk about or is this as interesting as this conversation is getting?" Her words were cold and biting, and they just amplified the nervousness growing inside me.

I gulped.

"I want to know…about Izaya."

She stared at me, not quite surprised, but simply caught off guard.

"What?" She said almost like she had heard me wrong.

Kururi just stared, her eyes widened slightly, but no sound coming from her mouth.

"Well…" I started. "How he got all those bruises would be a good start."

She stared at me, her eyebrows furrowing slightly as she tried to make sense of the situation.

"How did you…even know about that…"

She said it more to herself than to me, but I answered her anyway.

"I saw him the other day. We even had a nice dinner."

The utter surprises on heir faces was almost comical, if not for intensifying awkwardness and tense atmosphere.

Mairu glanced at Kururi, who in turn, stood from he table and left. For a moment, I thought they were going to leave with giving me any answers, however-

"Tell me something." Mairu didn't leave her seat.

"What?" I said quietly.

"Why do you want to know exactly?"

I sat there for a while, trying to establish a good answer. The problem was, I wasn't quite sure myself. There was something about him, nothing that I've ever experienced, that made me want to be with him. After all these years, I've always been sure about the way I felt, especially when it came to Izaya. I hated him. I was so sure, but now…..now, I don't know. I've never felt happy when I thought about him before, that was for sure.

Mairu tapped her fingers on the table, obviously annoyed with my lack of response.

"Well?" She said coldly.

I knew. I knew what I wanted to say, but I wasn't sure how to say it, so, I winged it..

"I want…to help him."

"WHAT?" she said incredulously.

Not the response I had been hoping for.

"Something's not right. The Izaya I know never acted like this. When I saw him that night he just seemed so….broken….I don't know, it just wasn't right. We…stayed in contact for a few days, but then he disappeared again. I just, I'm just worried about him!"

I went silent for a moment, as she continued to stare at me, speechless.

"You were right." I said quietly.

"Wha…?

"What you said about me. You were right. I didn't care. Ididn't _want_ to care. For so long I've truly hated him, and I did want him to suffer, because that's what I thought he deserved. But I was wrong. Its because no one else would look for him that I did. I made it seem like it didn't really matter, like I didn't care, but I did….I do. Please Mairu, give me _something_. _Anything_. I have to know why. Why he's suffering, who's making him suffer, and for what purpose. Please…."

I didn't really mean for my reasoning to sound so speech-like. It just kind of did. But everything I said was true. I wanted to know. _Everything._ About these last few months, their current situation, about him in general.

I needed to know.

Mairu stayed quiet for a long time. I wasn't sure what she was thinking, or if she was even going to stay and tell me anything. Her expression was completely unreadable at that moment. When ever she looked as if she were ready to speak, she'd close her mouth and slump back in her chair. She did that a total of 6 times before she finally responded.

"Shizuo.." She said, eyes focused on her lap.

"…yeah?"

She looked up at me slightly, tears in hers eyes as the corners of her lips curved upward in a light smile.

"Please promise…to save my brother.."

And she told me.

Everything.

It had started with their mother, before they were born, when Izaya was still a small child. He was 8 years old, and how anyone could treat a child that way, is beyond me. Apparently, his mother was insane, to put it nicely. Her family was wealthy, and paid enough money to keep her out of any mental hospitals, but ironically never paid enough for any kind of treatment.

To be blunt,

She hated Izaya.

She saw him as a 'bad omen' or some other carp like that. So, she tried to "clean him", because she believed that way god would save her. She was nuts. Her idea of 'cleaning', meant beating, and I don't mean a slap on the face, hell, even a punch or two would've been better. But no, she would strike him, often with a piece of wood or anything else she could find, until he was completely immobile. She would beat him until he couldn't scream anymore, and then, through him out the door like a bag of garbage. I don't know how he's even still alive.

And his father, apparently, loved him. Just not enough to stop his mother from trying to kill him. Fucking bullshit. Mairu didn't go into much detail about what she did to him exactly, and honestly, I'm glad she didn't. I don't think I would've have been able to take it.

A few years after the twins were born, their father was hospitalized with appendicitis or something, their mother was to 'grief stricken' (more bullshit), and wouldn't take care of them.

So Izaya did.

He bought them food, clothes, and anything else they needed. He even showed up for parent teacher conferences at their elementary school.

And he was only 13.

They never asked where he got the money, and he would never bring it up. I didn't exactly want to know either.

Apparently, around the time he was graduating from junior high, his uncle(on his mothers side) came to Ikebukuro for a while, and also began to bully him. I'm not quite sure what he did to him either.

But after a while, he left again, and things went back to normal for them, or as normal as they could for a family of psychopaths. During his second year of high school, his mother died.

No, she killed herself.

On his birthday.

It was her present to him. She wrote '_happy birthday' _on the wall, then proceeded to hang herself from the ceiling fan in his room. What kind of mother puts that on her kids shoulder for rest of their life?

It was sick.

I remember that day too, he was talking to someone on the phone during lunch, and then just suddenly sprang up and ran out of school. At the time, I didn't really care why. No one did. One more thing I regret.

I asked Mairu why nobody called a domestic welfare agent, and have them all taken away from that kind of environment. She said they had, multiple times, but her grandparents paid them off. Told them to just overlook the entire thing.

Sick.

After that, their uncle came back, to 'watch over them' when their father began to break down after their mothers funeral. He blamed Izaya for her death. He tortured Izaya every chance he could, until Izaya lost it and ran out. That was around the same time we graduated, and then, he disappeared from Ikebukuro.

Mairu told me a bit about him. He had an average job. He wasn't married, no kids, and he hated Izaya. He loved his little sister, and like her parents, did whatever she wanted him to do. So whenever he came to "visit" Izaya was always shit on his list. Bastard. But back then, he only disliked Izaya, it wasn't until their mother died that he officially hated him.

Apparently, the first thing he'd say whenever he saw Izaya was-

"She died because of you."

How can you put that kind of pressure on a kid an still expect them to grow up sane?

She told me that during our high school years, Izaya would take out his frustrations on me, the same way I do to him now, she even told me why he hated me so much.

Because of what I had said to him the first day we met.

"_You piss me off."_

It was because I hated him, right off the bat. The same way his mother did. Thinking about that now, hurts. What I said to him. He didn't deserve it. He didn't.

Not even Mairu knew what he did after he was ran out of their house that day, but after he left, their father got better and their uncle left again. She and her sister got the chance to grow up peacefully.

But Izaya didn't come back.

Not until the day he framed me.

Izaya's father really had died, like Shinra said, but that wasn't exactly the problem the three of them had. They didn't have any other relatives in Tokyo, besides Izaya, so staying with him was the obvious choice. However…their uncle didn't like that idea. He came back to Ikebukuro for a custody battle with Izaya, and (oddly enough) Izaya had won. For one reason or another, he too hated Izaya, and he didn't want him to become Mairu and Kururi's guardian. So he made a deal with Izaya.

The deal was simple: He gets to observe Mairu and Kururi's home environment with him, and if anything were to happen that was bad for the twins upbringing (like he had any reason to talk about that), he would be left completely in charge of taking care of the twins. It was, apparently, legal. ( even more bullshit)

Mairu didn't tell me anymore than that, but I could figure the rest out for myself.

That bastard was doing a little thing called sabotage. And Izaya knew it. He was the one making Izaya suffer now, and those cuts and bruises…

Sick

Sick

_Sick_.

….

I didn't know what to say. Mairu sat there, tears falling freely from her eyes. I'm sure she remembers things she rather wouldn't, and for a moment, I regretted asking her to tell me anything. But no, this was a good thing, I know the problem, so now I could fix it!

That man…

She didn't tell me his name…

But I'd find him, and I swore I'd make him pay.

Whoever that fucker is I'll make sure that he gets what he deserves ten times over.

Mairu and I walked out of Russian Sushi, where Kururi had been waiting patiently. We said our goodbye's and the moment they were gone from my sight, I began my search.

At that point I knew I had to find him.

I searched all over Ikebukuro. Every store and alleyway that I could, and came up with nothing. No one had even seen. At about 5 o'clock in the afternoon, I took a bus to Shinjuku. I was going to find him no matter what.

Shinjuku was big. I didn't know where to start, not to mention I was unfamiliar with the area. I began my search once again. I asked around, checked the alley's (again) and looked just about everywhere I could, and for what? Nothing. I walked around aimlessly in Shinjuku for hours, feeling like a completely failure. I couldn't find him, and the frustration and pure exhaustion was killing me.

I didn't know what to do.

Where else was there to go? Where else _could_ I go? I was at a complete lose. Almost feeling like I failed him as a….friend? Lets go with that.

"Heh."

I was practically laughing at myself now.

I finally gave up. There was nothing else I could do except hope I run into him on the streets again like that night.

I sighed.

I didn't want to stop looking. I wanted to see him so badly it hurt. I wanted to be there for him, and I couldn't.

I turned around and began heading to the bus stop I had passed earlier that day, ready to just go home and pass out.

And then I heard a noise.

A cough.

Coming from the alleyway right beside me. I held my breathe, slowly entering the small dark space hoping, _praying, _I'd find who I was looking for.

The alley was cold and damp, the only things I could see were a crappy spray painted trash can, empty soda bottles, and other garbage littering the small space.

The smell, awful.

Corn chips and ass. That's what it smelled like. Seriously. I had to swallow the vomit in my throat, once that offending odor assaulted my nostrils. And there, among the piles of garbage, was Izaya.

Standing just a few feet away from me. I didn't know what he was doing. He just…stood there. Staring at some place on the ground. Once again, it seemed like he didn't see me.

"Izaya?" I said curiously, waiting for a response.

He didn't look at me.

Something about this situation didn't seem right.

And then I thought of his uncle.

'Damn it…this is his fault!'

That was the only thing I could think of, as I walked closer to him.

"Izaya?" I said again.

Nothing.

It was starting to creep me out. He just stood there, completely still.

"Izaya!" I was starting to panic.

He just wasn't _moving!_ He stood there like a statue, he didn't react to anything I said.

"Izaya!" I said once more grabbing his arm, that got his attention.

"LET GO!" he was suddenly screaming, as he clawed at my hand on his arm, desperately trying to free himself.

It completely caught me off guard, and stupidly, I released him. He tried running past me, stumbling over himself and falling onto the cold concrete. I grabbed him by the arm, hoisting him up onto his feet, the moment my hand touched him, he began to struggle.

"NO! LET ME GO! LET ME GO! PLEASE!"

He pulled and scratched at my arm as tears began to flow down his face, I was stunned silent.

"PLEASE! LET ME GO! I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!"

It was as if his body just lost the will to move at all, suddenly going limp as he fell to his knees, sobbing apologies

over and over again…

"Izaya…" I said quietly.

He sobbed loudly, tugging one last time at my arm.

"I'm sorry, sorry, so sorry, I'm sorry…please…"

I didn't even know what he was talking about anymore, he didn't even realize it was me.

'_Damn that man!'_

All I could think about was my hatred for that man. I didn't even know he existed until a few hours ago, but already I know I hated him so much more than I ever hated Izaya.

I kneeled down in front of him, putting both my hands on his shoulders, as he began to hyperventilate.

"Izaya…It's okay…Izaya, you don't have to be afraid, stop apologizing." I said as soothingly as I could. He cried harder.

"I-I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm s-sorry I-"

He sobbed again.

With my hands still on his shoulders, I pulled him into a sudden hug, not caring what kind of trouble it would most likely cause later or who saw.

It didn't matter.

"Shhh, It's okay. You don't have to be scared. Its me. It's just me."

He began to squirm slightly as I tightened my grip.

"Its alright."

_You don't have to be afraid._

"It's me."

_Don't cry anymore._

"It's just me…"

_Please Izaya…_

"Its Shizu-"

_It's just __**me.**_

"Its Shizu-chan. I'm here. Don't me afraid."

He suddenly stopped all movement. I couldn't even hear him crying. Slowly he craned his head upward to look at me. His eyes wide, with tears still in them, his mouth open slightly as he gazed up at me.

I had snapped him out of it.

"Sh-Shizu-ch..chan?" He said, stuttering over his words.

I smiled lightly.

"Yeah its me. You're ok now."

His hands suddenly gripped the front of my shirt as he buried his head in my chest and…

He cried.

* * *

**Authors notes:**

_**MI-CHAN66: WOOHOO! We're are finally caught up to the beginning of chapter 1! YES! Now I can start writing some Izaya POV's. and Kurgy can help with writing about the sad stuff too!**_

_**Kurgy: I hope you enjoyed it! This was seriously my first time EVER writing in a fic before so please go easy on me. ^^**_

_**MI-CHAN66:**_

**Ok so! This chapter was longer than any of my other ones and I'm really happy about it! ****J however, I'm not so happy about the semi-explanation of Izaya's life. I didn't want to put to much information into it because a lot of it was supposed to come up in later chapters when Izaya decides to tell Shizuo about it himself, but because I left out so many things, it didn't turn out as good as I had hoped it too. I'm also not so sure I like the story line anymore…it seemed good at the time but…adding an the uncle doesn't seem like such a good idea anymore. I don't know. I'm just so satisfied with how this chapter turned out. L Actually, it again seemed really rushed to me, but I'm glad Kurgy helped write the last part. I was so tired! ****（；ﾟ****Д****ﾟ） ****anyway, I at least hoped you enjoyed this chapter enough to continue reading the story, because it is far from over. Also, I didn't specify the uncles name because I couldn't think of one. ****（￣へ￣） ****Does anybody have any idea's? It would really help me out. Thank you.**

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 7!**


	8. Anger

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

_Hurray for chapter 8! I get to write in the present tense, finally! I just hope I don't start writing in the past tense out of habit. O.o I think it should be fine but…well, please tell me right away if there were any mistakes! Thank you!_

_

* * *

_

**Shizuo's POV:**

I don't know how long we've been sitting here at this point, but to be honest, I really don't care. If it comes down to it, I'll hold him forever.

I'm still not quite sure what this feeling in my chest is, but its what has gotten me this far, and what brought me too him now.

He sits here, continuing to cry, as I hold him as close as physically possible. I don't want him to cry any more. When I think of all the times in his life that he's cried, for such horrible reasons, I get angry.

I don't want him to suffer any longer.

I _refuse_ to sit back and allow this to go on.

I'll do whatever I have to…

To save him.

The small hands on my chest slowly released their grip, as Izaya slowly pushed him self up, and away from me. He sat there on his knees, completely unmoving, with his head pointed down.

His hands still kept their place on my chest as they trembled. I kept my hands locked firmly on his upper arms, for fear of him trying to run away if I let go. He didn't say a word, I occasionally heard a quiet sniff, whether from the cold or him crying, I wasn't sure.

"Izaya…" I said quietly "Are you alright now?" I silently cursed myself for asking such a dumb question.

Then there was silence.

"Izaya?" I asked, slightly worried.

More silence.

Now I was starting to feel uncomfortable. He just sat there, he wouldn't move or speak, he wouldn't even _look_ at me.

I shook him slightly, hoping for some kind of response.

"Izaya?" I said again.

He twitched slightly, his body suddenly stiffening as he slowly tried to stand. With my hands still on his arms, I slowly guided him up until we were both standing up straight.

He continued to stare at his feet.

"I should get you home so you can rest. Which way do you live?"

He chuckled lightly, which was almost disturbing, considering our situation.

"Isn't it great Shizu-chan?" He said in a sickeningly sweet voice.

"Isn't…what?" I said caught off guard.

'_What is he talking about?'_

"How lucky for you! I guess I'm finally getting what I deserve huh?"

I froze. What the hell? How am I lucky? What he deserves…

"Izaya, that's not what I-"

He cut me off. "Is it fun for you? To see me this way…I'm surprised you haven't started laughing. Ha ha…"

He giggled quietly, then started full force laughing, again trying to pry my hands from his arms. I don't know if it's because he started breaking down again or what, but I didn't like this. He shouldn't be like this, not because of me.

"Izaya, stop it already! I'm not trying to hurt you, or laugh at you or anything like that! I'm just trying to help you…"

He scoffed loudly.

"_Help me?_" He said sarcastically. "You want to _help_ me? Are you fucking retarded? Or have he last seven years of your life suddenly vanish from your protozoan head?"

His words were hurting me more than they should have. The worst part of this is that I don't know why he suddenly started acting like this.

I'm trying to think, did I say, or do something wrong? No, I just wanted to help him.

Izaya…

Please, stop.

"Izaya stop it."

Please…

He started squirming uncontrollably in my grasp, trying as hard as he could to get away.

"LET ME GO!" he hollered.

_Please…!_

"Izaya stop!"

"What do you want! Just let go!"

I don't know what to do. It isn't supposed to be like this. He's not supposed to act this way for me. Yet, this is how its always been, isn't it? This should be anything new to me but…

Damn it! This isn't fair! I cant change how I acted in the past but…I want to make it right now.

Without a second thought, I pulled him to me. Wrapping my arms around his small body and holding him to my chest as tightly as I could with using enough strength to actually cause him harm.

He went silent.

He stopped struggling and just stood there, not fighting the embrace, but not returning it either.

* * *

**Authors notes:**

**Super short chapter! (≥⌂≤) I didn't mean for it to be this short…but I was working on the last one for so long and made it really long and I was really tired… and I didn't know how else to end it without going into the next chapter which would've been weird since the next one is from Izaya's point of view. Which reminds me, Izaya's first POV is next! XD I haven't really practiced much with writing as Izaya but I'll try my best!**

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 8!**


	9. Different

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

_First time writing as Izaya, and I'm REALLY nervous! Its like writing the first chapter all over again. T^T_

_I'm not happy with the way this chapter turned out. There were a lot of spelling mistakes, A LOT, so I'm re-uploading it now that they're fixed._

**Izaya's POV:**

Wh-What the hell!

What is he doing!

In my mind, I wanted to fight against him, kick or punch or scratch him. _Anything_ to get away. But god damn it! My body wont move! Damn it Shizu-chan! Why do you always have to be so unpredictable! Why couldn't he just let go of my arm so I could get the hell out of here!

….

Why was he here in the first place? Shinjuku…he's never come here, not once. How did he find me in the first place? Why hasn't he gotten angry, like always. Or thrown the largest thing he could at me, like always.

I felt panicked, because damn it! I don't understand what's going on! How the hell could I show such…_human_ emotions? And in front of _Shizu-chan_ of all people!

I began losing the feeling in both my arms when his grip tightened. Damn it. What the hell can I say to get this damn brute off?

"I'm sorry.." He said quietly.

I blinked. Twice. What did he just say?

"You…what?" I've honestly never felt so confused in my entire life. Which is not a feeling I'm comfortable with.

"Look, I'm sorry, ok? I don't know what I did, but whatever it was I'm sorry."

I just sat there, completely dumbfounded. Shizuo was apologizing? To _me?_ Did he hit his head? Well, harder than the usual, I mean.

He pulled away from me and looked at my face. I've never seen him look so…calm. Especially around me. I could clearly see the hint of worry in his eyes when I didn't respond, which caused him to tighten his grip on my arm. I winced, if he squeezed any tighter he would've broken my arm.

Noticing the pain crossing my face, he let go, letting his arms fall limply to his sides.

"Sorry…I didn't mean to squeeze so hard." He said with an almost…sad tone.

This was freaking me out.

Granted, my little breakdown must've equally freaked him out.

Thinking about that, I cringed inwardly. I shouldn't have let it get to me like this. Why is it he always shows up at the worst possible times.

"Look, Shizu-chan…Just forget about what happened tonight, ok?"

His eyes suddenly widen as if I had said the most ridiculous thing in the world.

"What do you mean, 'forget', you honestly think _anyone could_ just blow off something like this?"

"Why not? Everyone else has."

Again, I let my emotions get the better of me. Damn it…

His expression went from surprise, to confusion, and settled with what almost looked like guilt.

"Sorry…" he said guiltily

This isn't right. He shouldn't be here. This shouldn't be happening. He's acting as if he knows exactly what I'm talking about, but that cant be the case.

There's no way.

"I…still think I should take you home."

He said, breaking the awkward silence that was threatening to form.

I scoffed.

"I can get myself home, thank you very much."

Perhaps I was being a bit harsh, since when have I ever been civil with Shizu-chan anyway.

"Don't care. I'm taking you anyway."

Wh-what the hell! What right does he have to patronize me like this!

"_Tch. _Please Shizu-chan, I'm not some damsel in distress. I can take perfect care of myself."

He was clenching and unclenching his fists, I was obviously getting on his nerves. I smirked to myself. I knew he couldn't control his temper for long.

"That didn't seem like the case a few minutes ago."

My face dropped at those words. The fact that he's even trying to bring that up into conversation pisses me off!

"I'm pretty sure I told you to forget about that." I said darkly.

"And I'm pretty sure I told you it wasn't gonna happen."

I turned my back to him, through with this conversation, and began to walk away.

"Fuck you." I said just before I began my decent.

I didn't even get a total of 5 steps away before he grabbed hold of my hand.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up." He said pulling me back slightly.

I sighed. This wasn't going anywhere. I should have taken into account how stubborn he was.

"If I let you walk me home will you let this go?"

I was trying to compromise. Although, compromising with Shizu-chan has never worked out to well in the past.

"For tonight, yes."

I groaned. Again, this was going nowhere. I settled for that answer…for now, as we walked out from the cold alleyway. He walked beside me. He glanced down at me every now and then, and every time he did so I felt a sudden uneasiness building in my chest.

I don't like it.

This was the most awkward moment of my life so far. He wont say anything, I have nothing to say. Another out of place feeling for me.

After about thirty minutes of awkward silence as we walked, he finally said something.

"I was trying to call you ya'know."

Damn damn damn shit fuck damn. Of course he brings up _that._

"You said you'd keep in touch with me.." he continued. "…Why did you lie?"

The way he said that actually made me feel guilty.

"I wasn't trying to…lie to you." I shifted uncomfortably on my feet. How do I answer him without saying to much? "Something just came up…That's all…"He furrowed his eyebrows, picking up his pace to stand in front of me, effectively stopping me in my tracks.

"Bullshit." He said, clearly annoyed.

I sighed.

"I thought you said you'd let this go."

The corner of his lip curled upward into a frustrated smile.

"This is different."

I wanted to smile back, say some sarcastic comment, and piss him off. The way I always did. But thinking about that day…and all the messages he sent me…kept my face frozen in an emotionless stare. He was worried about me, and I wanted so bad to answer him. Talk to him. Tell him _everything_ because, damn it, he was the only one willing to listen. But I couldn't. I couldn't…

"No…Its not…" I said it more solemnly then I had intended to.

That worried expression appeared on his face again as he stepped aside, allowing me to move.

Why the hell couldn't he just leave it alone? He has no idea about anything going on, yet he still acts so freakin high and mighty. Like everything could be resolved just if we _talked _about it. He's such an idiot!

The rest of the walk was silent. I figure he finally caught the hint that I wasn't going to tell him anything and just dropped it, but, I know better than that. He'll be all over me again the moment he sees me next time.

I have to admit though, the utter surprise on his as he looks around my office is pretty amusing. He's never been here before, and the look in his eyes is like a 5 year old kid, visiting a place he's never been.

So amusing.

He suddenly looked like he just remembered something and whipped his head both directions. Is he looking for something.

"Hey Izaya…" he started. "Are we the only ones here"What kind of question is that?

"Uh…no."

He suddenly looked like he was ready to rip someone's head off…hopefully not mine.

"Mairu and Kururi are probably sleeping upstairs…why?" I asked curiously.

I have every right to be curious about such a weird question, especially when he looks like that.

His expression softened a bit as he scratched the back of his head.

"No reason."

I don't like that answer. He looked like he was just about ready to murder, and that definitely doesn't sit well with me.

He notices how nervous I am and tries to make himself looked more relaxed, and fails.

"So…uh, this place is…nice." he says looking around again.

"Umm, yeah. Thanks. I guess…"

More awkward silence.

"So…shouldn't you be heading home now Shizu-chan?" I say a little annoyed.

He looks at me, then his watch, and sighs.

"Do buses still run at 1 in the morning?" He said with a forced smile on his face.

I smirked.

"What do you think Shizu-chan?"

Got a glare for that one. Ha.

He sighed again.

"Guess I'm walking."

Now I feel slightly guilty. I suppose, in a sense he helped me…again. If you could call that helping.

I mentally slapped myself.

No, just let him go. Once he's gone, everything will go back to normal….crap.

"Fine, fine, you can stay here for tonight." I said nonchalantly. "But you're taking the couch."

He stared at me for a bit, probably thinking he heard me wrong, which normally wouldn't be so odd. Tonight however, is anything but normal.

He smiled. I mean really smiled. I felt my face heat up as he smiled an angelic smile at me.

"Thank you."

**Authors notes:**

**Chapter 9 finished! XD I was having a lot of trouble trying to capture Izaya's smartass personality. Didn't go to well, but I'll keep working at it and hopefully it'll get better! I think there are a lot of mistakes in this one too…Kurgy couldn't go over it this time and I tried to do it myself but my spelling and grammar check sucks! Dx So I'm sorry if there are a lot. T^T Starting from here its going to start changing POV's every chapter, so next is Shizuo's, and then Izaya once again.**

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 9! **


	10. Somehow

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

**Shizuo's POV:**

I blinked my eyes once.

Then again for confirmation.

This is _not_ my house.

Sitting up slightly to get a better view, I observed my surroundings, and laid back down. Damn…fucking uncomfortable couch…

"SHIT!"

My body woke up faster than my brain as I stumbled awkwardly off the couch, just to fall flat on my face seconds later.

"….wait….fuck, I don't have work today."

Well damn, wasn't that just perfect. I can already tell this is gonna be a magnificent day.

…

I looked around for a bit, then turned my attention to the bright neon lights on the clock sitting beside the couch. 5:20.

Really?

I don't even get up this early on a work day. I groaned as the sleepiness began to settle in my mind yet again. Might as well go back to sleep, who would it hurt? I was just about to lay my tired head back down when I heard a certain…noise. Sizzling? Definitely coming from the kitchen. I got up, and quietly walked into the area I assumed was the kitchen (I was right) and what I saw startled me. It shouldn't have been that unusual, but, something about it was just….weird.

Izaya, wearing an average looking gray-ish apron, cooking what I thought to be breakfast. And from the looks of it, a breakfast for four people….which means some for me to…I had no idea I could ever blush this much. Damn it.

It didn't take long for him to notice me this time. He turned his small body (which I found strangely attractive for some reason) towards me with a spatula in his hand.

"You up Shizu-chan? I didn't know cavemen could wake up this early in the morning! I'm impressed!"

That little shit.

Obviously "good old" Izaya is back.

"Shut up."

I tried to sound at least slightly angry.

He smirked.

"I'll humor you for now Shizu-chan." He said giggling as he went back to cooking, whatever it is that he was cooking.

After about five minutes of just standing there, I was starting to get fidgety. Damn, I feel so useless.

"Uh…do you need help?" I said ignoring the screams of protest coming from my tired mind.

"Well how gentlemanly of you Shizu-chan!" He said rather…loudly…ow, headache.

"Set the table!"

LOUD.

Ok, now I'm sure he's doing it on purpose.

"Yeah, yeah. You don't have to yell. I'm literally 5 feet away from you."

He smiled tauntingly at me.

"I like to annoy you."

I knew it.

Still, I couldn't help but smile, when I saw how his eyes lit up when he talked to me. He looked so much different from last night.

Last night.

Instantly the memories came back to me. The screaming, the crying, the upright fear. I could feel the smile vanish from my face as I thought about that bastard what's-his-face.

This is all his fault.

Suddenly feeling like I wanted to punch something, the nearest thing being Izaya (not good), I took the plates and bowls out of his cupboard and began setting up his oddly normal looking table.

"So when do the girls usually get up?" I asked trying to get the thought of that son-of-a-bitch out of my head.

"They'll probably be up in a few hours."

Wait….a few hours….?

"The FUCK!"

Goddamn it! Then why…!

"Then why the hell are you cooking breakfast NOW!"

I couldn't help but be mad. This was interrupting my sleep.

He shrugged.

"I was bored."

Trying to resist the urge to break the table in half with my knee, I walked out of the room, turning on the lights to his…what room is this? A living room? I guess that's it…

Within seconds Izaya was following after me.

"Shizu-chan."

I turned around. Izaya walked briskly out of the kitchen, taking his apron off and tossing it on the floor.

Something about this situation made me extremely uncomfortable.

"Can I talk to you?"

Crap. I know where this is going.

"Sure why not…"

I sounded _really_ unenthusiastic, for pretty obvious reasons. Please for the love of god don't ask…

He sat on the black sofa, leaning over slightly and resting his elbows on his knees, lacing his fingers together.

"Why were you even in Shinjuku last night?"

Damn.

"Because I….was?"

He frowned at me, obviously displeased with that answer.

He huffed loudly and stood from his seat.

"Forget it."

He stomped out of the room, but more importantly, away from me. Now I feel bad.

"Izaya, come back, I'll tell you…"

Nothing.

"Izaya?"

I tried calling again.

Again nothing.

"Izaya!"Now I was getting angry.

_Actually _angry.

Completely fed up with this situation, I stormed into the kitchen, ready to raise hell. But looking at his face, and overly pissed off body language, I couldn't get my voice out. He looked angry, yet hurt, at the same time. Which made me feel really bad.

He was obviously ignoring my presence as I entered the room, while he slammed the fridge and cupboard doors loudly. Expressing _just_ how angry he was.

Sigh~

Damn it Izaya.

"I was looking for you." I said it just loud enough for him to hear.

He froze in place, almost dropping the glass (expensive looking) bowl onto the hard tile floor.

His eyes widened. Damn damn damn. I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't do this.

"Say what now?"

His expression was almost comical. Wide eyes, pale face even paler, and sitting in an extremely uncomfortable position bent half way over to rummage through a bottom cupboard.

Ok, this was no time to be laughing.

C'mon, get it together Shizuo.

"I came looking for you after…"

_Mairu told me everything._

"I lost contact with you."

I almost said it. That would _not_ have been good.

He stared at me for a full ten minutes. Kind of like a deer caught in headlights. Again, this normally would've been a hilarious sight, if I wasn't embarrassed and nervous as all hell.

"But…why?"

It was a simple question, one I'm currently having a hard time answering.

"Because I was worried."

That's true at least.

He straightened into a standing position, looking down toward the counter uncomfortably.

I started feeling worried. He was staying really quiet, and the last few times that's happened, he'd freak out at me for reasons I only partially understand.

"Izaya?" I said nervously.

Damn it! Don't _do_ this again!

He glanced over at me, a small frown on his pale face, and sadness so obviously showing in his eyes.

"Stop worrying about me Shizuo. Please."

He almost pleaded with me. It felt like someone had grabbed hold of my heart, trying to squeeze it till it bursts, as his sad eyes bore into mine.

I don't know what to say to him.

My mind went to a complete blank.

**Authors notes:**

**YES! I've gotten to double digits! XD I feel so happy I could die! I'm so happy that people like my story and am thrilled with all the kind reviews I've received! I don't even know how to express my gratitude into words. T^T Thank you all so much! I mean it! **

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated**


	11. Normal

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

* * *

**Shizuo's POV:**

I just kind of stood there, staring. I don't know what else there is for me to do. I don't know what to say to him. Stop caring? Izaya, really? Do you really think I can just stop worrying about you, just like that? That's not how these things work.

"Shizu-chan? Hello! Anybody home?"

The taunting, playful way he spoke made my jaw drop. What. The. Fuck.

"You're to serious all the time Shizu-chan! You need to lighten up every once in a while, jeez!"

I cant believe what I'm hearing. He bailed from the serious situation he had created and changed moods completely.

"What the hell….what's wrong with you!"

I almost threw the stove out a window.

"Oh relax! You just can't take a joke can you?"

Joke? _JOKE! _How was that a joke! Why that little sonofa-!

"Iza-nii? What's going on down here? Do you have any idea what time it I-"

Mairu came walking down the stares angrily voicing her complaints until she saw me. Her eyes went from me to Izaya multiple times before she got up the nerve to say anything.

"um…Iza-nii. Not to alarm you, but I do believe Shizuo is in our house. Ha ha.."

Yes, cause this is so funny, ha-ha, ha-ha.

…

"I know. Trust me I know. Want some breakfast?"

Izaya brushed this off like it was nothing, not giving Mairu a proper explanation at all. Though, I'm pretty sure she can guess.

"…brother…Shizuo…"

Within seconds Kururi was behind her. I assume asking a similar question.

Ugh.

This is going to be a long day.

Again, Izaya brushed off their confused gazes and began placing the freshly cooked food onto the table.

"Um, good morning Shizuo. I guess…" Mairu said semi-confused, but still giving me a look that said "if you told him I said anything I'll kill you."

Teenage girls, they're just magical aren't they?…ok that sounded creepy, didn't mean to sound like a pedophile.

She and her sister walked past me and too the table now covered with the food Izaya had made. As they started eating, Izaya looked at me strangely.

"You aren't going to eat Shizu-chan?"

Mairu and Kururi were watching the situation unfold curiously as they continued to munch their food.

"Ummm, I should probably be heading home…"

The scowl on his face made an uneasy pit form in my stomach.

"Afraid I poisoned it?"

"Wha-! NO! that's not it…"

He scoffed and quietly started mumbling something about my "rudeness" as he sat down and began to eat as well.

Damn it, if I wasn't uncomfortable before, I definitely am now.

Mairu stared at me, glancing down at the vacant seat beside Izaya, and then back to me.

….have I already said this was going to be a long day?

**Izaya's POV:**

Silence.

I don't think I've ever had the _pleasure _of sitting in a more uncomfortable silence than this one.

Lets think about it this way, I'm having breakfast with my two demon twin sisters and a man with enough power to lift an elephant with one hand, whom wants nothing more than to see me dead, at 6 in the morning expecting a certain bitchy secretary to walk in the door any minute and well…bitch.

What exactly is there to be relaxed about?

If you answered anything but nothing, you're an idiot.

Mairu and Kururi seemed pretty intent with watching Shizuo and I eat, sitting side by side, without throwing insults around or just straight up fighting.

If only they knew of my adventures last night.

Shizuo didn't really seem to want to talk to any of us either, he wouldn't even look up from his plate, if anything, that's pretty rude when you're sitting at someone else's table eating someone else's food and not even trying to-

"Enjoying breakfast Shizuo?"

My senseless rambling being cut short by Mairu. Thank god.

Shizuo glanced up, an expression on his face that kind of reminded me of a grouchy old man, and looked back down at his meal.

"Yeah."

At this point I was tapping my fork against the table which was clearly annoying the twins.

"Stop that." Mairu said it as if she were in charge here. Heh.

After about ten minutes of this, I seriously feel like I'm going to snap. It was awkward enough with just Shizuo, but with the twins staring at me constantly like I'm some sort of circus act, my patience can only last for so long.

"Shouldn't you two be getting ready for school?" I said as _politely _as possible.

They started handing me their empty dishes, and stupidly I picked them up and walked them over to the kitchen sink.

What am I, the maid?

Mairu and Kururi rushed upstairs as soon as I started running the water over their dirty plates and bowls.

Shizuo looked at me once, and twice, and then a third time until he stood from his seat as well.

As interesting as it was to see Shizu-chan act this way, it was starting to freak me out. I'm not used to the damn brute to treat me so…delicately.

He acted like I was a fragile doll, and the slightest bump could shatter me into a million pieces.

Good comparison right? Aren't I such a great poet? Gross.

"Do you need any help?" he asked kind of…sweetly.

Again gross.

"Why yes Shizu-chan! How ever could I handle all these big bad dishwasher safe tableware all by my lonesome! I could hurt myself!"

He glared a glare like no other.

"You're a dick."

"I can't quite tell if that was a compliment or not Shizu-chan~"

He suddenly looked like I had just done a back flip while carrying a set of fine china with a monkey on my head, as his cheeks turned a bright shade of pink.

Oh…! Naughty Shizu-chan! What are you thinking I wonder?

"Mind in the gutter Shizu-chan? Why are you thinking about me that way anyway huh?"

There's just nothing better than teasing Shizu-chan. Really, nothing.

"Sh-Shut the fuck up Izaya!"

Is that denial I hear?

"That wasn't a no!"

His eyes widened to an almost ridiculous size as his entire body tensed up.

"H-hell no! Why the hell would I think about _you _like... like 'that' anyway!"

Funny how he says 'that'. What is he like twelve?

"Oh, Shizu-chan, there's just never a dull moment with you is there?"

He growled loudly as he stomped out of the room.

Nope. _Never._

I finished up the dishes and walked out into the living room, immediately spotting his mess of blonde hair sitting on my couch and…smoking a cigarette.

Like _hell_ is he smoking that cancer stick in here.

Rushing towards him as fast as I could I snatched the dreaded thing out of his hands and threw it in the ash tray I kept around whenever I just so happened to have a client that smokes sitting in my living room. Not often.

"What the fuck!" he spat angrily.

"No smoking Shizu-chan. House rule number 1."

That's a lie. House rule number one is always wipe your feet. No dirtying my floors.

He glared at me for the millionth time and grumbled something about being too controlling.

That's funny.

"So Shizu-chan, shouldn't you be beating the ever loving crap out of some hopeless bum who borrowed some money?"

Another glare.

"Shut up."

Oh Shizu-chan, just too easy.

"What? I'm just curious if there are some lives you plan on screwing up today or not."

And another. This time however, he seemed genuinely pissed.

"Like you have any right to talk."

I winced slightly.

Normally that kind of comment wouldn't bother me too much but due to certain…circumstances, I cant help but feel a slight pang in my chest that just wont seem to go away.

"Ending this conversation." I stated impassively, sitting beside him on the couch.

"That'd probably be best."

Yeah folks, he just agreed with me.

"Just so you know, I don't have work today."

And that benefits me how?"Well how lucky for you."

Being sarcastic comes so naturally to me.

He looked at me rather strangely. A twilight zone kind of strange. I was just waiting for the inter-dimensional time beast to come bursting through the door and say something that would blow my mind to Mt. Fuji and back.

"Well, are _you_ busy today?" He said nervously.

What is he-

"Would you want to…hang out?"

You've got to be kidding me.

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**Ok! First off, I used the idea of having Shizuo and Izaya change POV's in the chapter, and it worked very nicely, so thank you! ^^ Shizuo is so awkwardly cute sometimes! XD I hope I'll be able to expand more on that later, but or now, that's good enough. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter because I was once again writing this at 2 in the morning. D: I'm tired! I'm pretty sure all the spelling mistakes have been taken care of but I guess I'm not entirely sure.**

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 11!**


	12. Change

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her. _

_Well we've gotten to see some of the funnier side of this story, but unfortunately, its time to get back to the serious stuff._

* * *

**Shizuo's POV:**

Actually realizing what I just said, I panicked.

Did I just ask Izaya out?

As friends of course, I mean what else could we be?…but still, I asked him out didn't I?

I didn't know what I was trying to do, it just kind of came out. And judging by the way he's looking at me, he's just as surprised (if not disgusted) as I am.

"What I meant to say…was…"

Not quite sure where I was going with that sentence.

"Get out."

I froze. What?

"Get. Out."

I looked at him, looking for any signs of his playful attitude, hoping he'd turn around and laugh, saying it was all a joke, like he did before. I waited, and waited, but he looked at me as if I hadn't been here for over seven hours.

"Didn't you hear me? I said get out!"

Suddenly he was on his feet and screaming at he at the top of his lungs. I didn't know what to say. Talk about mood swing.

"But…why?" I have every right to be curious.

Instantly I saw Mairu and Kururi at the top of the stairs, watching with surprised expressions at their brothers odd behavior.

"Just get out." he said dangerously.

And just like that, there was a knife at my throat. I don't know where he got, I'm fairly certain he didn't have it with him when he was cooking breakfast, but now it was clasped tightly in his hand as it sat a couple centimeters away from my jugular.

This is…how it should be. This is normal. I shouldn't be surprised by his actions, or the hate so visible in his expression, yet…

The pain in my chest is almost unbearable.

In just a matter of hours I've become so used to his playful smirk and mocking voice. Acting as if we were friends. When in reality nothing between us has changed. He hates me, and I should hate him, the way I always have. Heh. How many times have I said this line? How many more times will I sat it?

He hates me and I hate him.

But no matter what I try to tell myself, the statement just isn't true anymore. I _don't _hate him, no matter how much I _should_, or whatever rights I may have too. I just don't hate him. Hell, I cant even say I _dislike_ him honestly anymore.

What is it, exactly, that I feel for him?

I know I care about him, I want to protect him, ease his suffering, hold him. The way I did last night. I just wanted him to smile. If only for a little while..

My thoughts were cut short by the warm feeling of a thick liquid drizzling down my neck. My blood. Instantly I stood from the couch, making my way slowly towards the door. I looked back at him one final time, I have no idea what I expected to see, but the only thing there was a cold hateful glare gaze and a slightly bloodied knife, pointed in my direction.

I sighed.

I cant even begin to say how much I was hoping it was all a joke. I opened the door and walked as quickly as I could into the hallway and straight toward the elevator. I couldn't even make myself look back.

The walk back home was…quiet, aside from the never ending chatter from the overly crowded streets, but that comes with the territory of living in a big city.

What happened? What went wrong? Was it because of me?

I don't know. Damn it, I just don't know!

Damn it Izaya. No matter what I do, whatever kind of help I try to offer, he keeps dismissing me. Trying as hard as he can to push me away. Why?

…

That man.

This is because of him. Everything is his fault. If he had never come here, things would still be normal. Izaya wouldn't be like this. He wouldn't scream, or cry. He wouldn't be begging for forgiveness for things, that were out of his control. He wouldn't have to be so scared of simply going home. He'd be the same Izaya as always!…but…then I'd still be chasing after him, wouldn't I? I'd still be out there on those streets, running in and out of alleys, following after him as he laughed like a mad man, with me trying to kill him all the while. I wouldn't be feeling…whatever it is that I'm feeling now.

What if…I'd killed him?

Thinking about that makes me cringe.

If I had never found out, if we had kept going as we always have, I'd have just kept hurting him. Over and over again. Just like everybody else.

Has anyone ever tried to get to know him? Probably not. I certainly never tried. I just decided within the first 5 seconds of meeting him that I hated him, and where did that get me?

Simply put, hell.

I put the key into the lock and attempted to open the door to my apartment. Attempted because my hands wouldn't stop shaking for some god awful reason. All I wanted was to sleep the rest of the day away. After finally opening the door and glancing at the clock, I groaned.

1:30 p.m.

It's the middle of the fucking day and all I want is a good nights sleep. But all I can seem to do is think about how badly I fucked up with Izaya…in a totally friendly way, of course. I still don't know what brought on his sudden change in attitude, if there was something I had said or done to set him off, I just didn't know.

…

….

…..

Where's my phone?

…

Fuck.

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**Short chapter! **⌂**Ok! Well, a few people were expecting a date, and I'm sorry for the lack of one, but the story is nowhere near over and I can guarantee that Shizuo will indeed get another chance. Not saying when that is though. ;D Anyway, the more serious side of the story is going to begin once again so at least the chapters are going to get a little longer again. ^^ which also reminds me, I still need a name for the douche bag uncle! ****('****Д'****) ****I need help. T^T Does anybody have any ideas? It would really help me out! **

**One more thing. I know about the Durarara! Cover song collection and that the different versions of the characters have different names and personalities (Such as Shizuo=Tsugaru/Delic, Kida=Linda, Izaya=Psyche/Hibiya, Mikado=Tengoku, Kadota=Tsuppari) but I don't know the names, or personalities, of Anri, Shinra, or Celty's. Does anybody know? I suppose its not exactly important, I just really want to know! Please help me. T^T**

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 12!**


	13. Revert

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her. _

* * *

**Izaya's POV:**

**(Shortly after Shizuo left)**

The front door made a light 'click'ing sound as Shizu-chan left. I stood completely still as I listened to his foot steps soften as he walked down the hallway and to the elevator. As soon as I was sure he was completely gone, I sighed.

"Iza-nii! What was that all about! Where is he going!"

Leave it to Mairu to but into things that don't concern her.

"He's going _home_ Mairu. And what's so wrong with me throwing a monster out of my house?"

For the first time in my life, I actually feel bad about calling Shizu-chan a monster. Why though, I haven't a clue.

Mairu looked at me, almost as if the comment had offended her personally, and flipped out.

"What's wrong with you! And Shizuo-chan was being so nice to you too!"

"_Too_ nice Mairu. Besides it's none of your business what happens between me and Shizu-chan."

That sounded…strange. Almost like it implied that Shizu-chan and I had some sort of…._relationship._

Yuck.

…

Mairu huffed loudly. She and Kururi had gotten completely ready for school and now stormed angrily out the door.

Sigh.

They're so dramatic.

Finally, some peace and quiet…

_*DING**DONG*_

Tch, figures. 8:00, around the time Namie arrives, so I can assume that's her. UHG. I don't want to deal with her right now. Maybe if I just ignore her she'll go away…

_*DING* *DONG*_

_*DING* *DONG**DING**DONG**DING**DONG* _

My god, she's so annoyingly stubborn sometimes.

I got up and walked as slowly as possible to the door. She deserves to wait.

"What?" I said opening the door.

"What do you think? I'm here to do the work you're to lazy to do."

Her words were less biting then they usually were, she's been this way very since my father died. Whether it's that specific reason that she's treating me (kinder?) than usual, I don't quite know. There could be another reason for it though, since she's been witness to my _family_ situation more than once at this point, but I doubt that's it. Or rather, I hope that's not it. That would just mean that she pities me. I detest pity. Especially when its directed toward me.

What right do any of my precious humans have to show such a bothersome emotion?

I don't need it.

Especially form Namie. The very thought of that, _interesting, _woman pitying me in any way makes me feel disgusted.

_Revolting._

I sat in my chair quietly, doing some work to get Namie off my back, when I heard a noise.

A ringing cell phone.

"Is that yours, Namie-san?"

She glanced up at me.

"No."

"Hmmm…not mine…"

Getting up and stretching slightly, I looked around. Did Mairu forget her cell phone? Or maybe Kururi…

Wait a minute…

Right there. Sitting in the middle of my black, leather couch, was a shinny red, cheap looking cell phone.

Shizu-chan…

"Something the matter?" Namie asked curiously.

"Ha-Ha…the universe just isn't on my side today…"

"What?" She said confused.

I picked up the small ringing device and stared at it until it stopped. Leave it to Shizu-chan to forget his cell phone.

"Whose is that?" Namie, now standing beside me, glared at the small device as if it were Satan it's self.

"Not your business Namie-san."

And with that, she went back to her seat, once again filing through her pile of paperwork.

What time is it?

1:32.

I wonder where Shizu-chan would be right now…wait, why the hell should I care? Like hell am I going to go find him now, if he wants his phone, he can come get it. I wonder how he's doing…

NO! Stop!

Who the fuck cares how he's doing. Its only been a few hours since I've seen him, its not like he's going to be completely different after only a few hours. Damn it, why should I care anyway.

Now completely frustrated, I walked back to my desk, and sat down with a lot more attitude than I had intended to.

"If you're going to keep acting like this you could at least explain to me why." Namie said in a huff.

"Go home Namie-san."

She looked at me, then _tch'd_, obviously annoyed.

"Stop messing with me. If I leave now you'll just dock my pay for clocking out early, just like last time."

Oh yeah, I did do that huh? Hee.

"I wont Namie-san, I'll pay you for the whole day, just go home."

She stared at me again, collected her things, and marched toward the door.

"If I leave I wont come back today. Not once."

I chuckled.

"That's fine. Enjoy your day~"

She placed her hand on the door knob, turning it until it 'clicked'.

"I wont come back you know. Not even if its an emergency."

I grinned as I started spinning in my swivel chair. That's always a fun time.

"Oh, I hear you Namie-san. Bye-bye now!"

I waved my hand in the air dismissively.

She opened the door completely and walked out. I waited for a few seconds..

3

2

1

The door reopened.

"I'm serious you know. No matter what you say I wont be coming back till tomorrow."

"Thank you Namie-san. I heard you the first time. Have a nice trip home."

She stood in the doorway for a few minutes, then left for the second time, this time _actually _leaving.

Namie is such an interesting person, I'll give her that much.

Sigh~

I looked at the small red device again. Damn, what do I do with this thing? It's not like Shizu-chan would actually come back to-

"Izaya!"

And just like that my front door swung open, slamming into the poor wall beside it, plaster falling to the ground.

"I forgot my phone." He said more calmly than he had entered.

"…You made a hole in my wall.."

He stared at me for a moment, then at my damaged wall.

"Sorry…"

**Shizuo's POV:**

An hour of running and one bitch out session about how to enter a house properly later, here I am, standing inside Izaya's apartment once again as he hands over my forgotten phone.

"Uh, thanks." I said awkwardly.

He walked back to his desk as he shrugged nonchalantly , even without seeing his face, I knew he was smirking.

"Yes yes Shizu-chan. I know."

….

AWK-WARD.

…

"So…uh…"

"Is there anything else you need Shizu-chan?"

I gulped.

"Yeah, kinda…"

'_Did I do something that upset you earlier?' _Is what I wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come out.

It suddenly got really quiet as he starred at me. I mean he was starring to the point that it had become creepy.

"_Well?"_ He said annoyed.

"Well, I …umm…"

He suddenly threw his hands up in the air and sighed, way to dramatically.

"Just get on with it Shizu-chan~! You're wasting precious moments of my life~!"

Dramatic.

"Tch, whatever! I just wanted to know if I did something to make you mad earlier alright!"

I had planned on saying it nicer. I really did.

He stared.

And stared.

And stared some more.

"Wh-What?"

Did I mention he was staring?

"Sigh~ Shizu-chan…you make it really hard for me to piss you off if you don't get pissed you know."

…

"**WHAT?"** I said as confused as I was.

Within a matter of seconds, all happy and playfulness was gone from the room. The annoying smirk on his face was replaced with a distasteful scowl.

"Why are you acting this way?"

The question threw me off, because I didn't really know how to answer, and something told me that saying I knew practically all of his life secrets was a really _bad_ idea.

"I just…wanted to.."

I don't know what to say to him, damn it… He sat there, staring at me, waiting for some kind of answer. An answer I couldn't give. He suddenly stood up from his chair and walked over to stand by the large window behind him. The bright mid-afternoon light shinning on his pale flesh like diamonds. It was…beautiful. Really thinking about it, Izaya is beautiful. I've never really paid attention to his looks before. Everything about him, his hair, his eyes, his skin, even his voice that I used to think was the most annoying noise in the universe, was beautiful. Everything about him, just fit so perfectly.

"I think you should go now Shizu-chan." His voice cut through my train of thought, sending it crashing off a cliff.

He wants me to leave again. But I…I cant go. Not again. Izaya, why do you keep pushing me away? I'm here to help you, I know you know that, so why do you close yourself off?

Why?

"No."

He turned around to look at me. He had a strange expression on his face as the sunlight shone around.

"Excuse me?" He said annoyed.

"I'm not going Izaya. I need to talk to you."

He scoffed. "Well that's great, but I don't want to talk to you, so you can just-"

"Why?" I said cutting him off.

"What's that supposed to mean?" At this point, he was getting frustrated with me, but no way in hell am I backing out now.

"What do you think its supposed to mean Izaya? I already said I need to talk to you, and I'm not leaving until you let me."

He sighed as he looked down toward his feet.

"You really just make no sense Shizu-chan."

And then more silence. He was going over all the options in his head , every possible outcome to the situation at hand, while I just sat there waiting for him to break the silence so I wouldn't have to.

Looking at him now, he looks so small, and fragile. It almost looks like he's lost weight, but I suppose I cant be sure of that. I thought about his mother and father, then his uncle, and then…the scar.

I forgot all about it. Come to think of it, Mairu never mentioned anything about a scar, did she?

The image of the damaged flesh now completely burned itself in my mind, and all I can think of now, is that scar.

Damn it damn it damn it! I feel so fucking useless!

"Shizu-chan! Take me out to eat!"

…Did he just say…?

"Hello! Shizu-chan! Take me out to eat, I'm hungry!"

He did. And just like that , he was back to being the same old annoying Izaya.

"Are you kidding me?"

"No. I'm not. You owe me for last time so hurry up! I don't have all day."

I smirked lightly at his mood swing. Being with Izaya was like riding a roller coaster of emotions.

"Fine then, I'll buy you food. But nothing to expensive."

He grinned evilly at me before he answered.

"Lets go to Russian sushi then, Shizu-chan~"

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**Slightly longer chapter! XD Ok, just to be clear, no. This is not their date. I kind of appears that way, but it really isn't. I promise it will come soon though. ^^ Anyway, updates are going to be a bit slower. I got sick a couple days ago. ****L and its really hard to focus on writing when you're high on medication. Anyway,**

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 13!**

**(One more thing!) I really need a name for the uncle! D: he appears in the next chapter, and I really just cant think of anything! I'm not good with names….Please, if anyone has any ideas it would be a great help to me. .**


	14. Time

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her. _

* * *

**Shizuo's POV:**

"Russian Sushi?"

He nodded his head as he slipped on his fur trim coat.

"Why there?"

He glanced over at me for a moment, one of his annoying grins spreading across his face, as he went back to getting himself ready to go.

"No reason~"

Yeah, that's completely believable. I just know I'm going to regret this. After putting on his shoes we began our agonizingly long bus ride back to Ikebukuro. The entire way there he was just, silent, which in turn caused me to keep my mouth shut. The odd looks we received from all the other passengers not helping much either.

As the bus came to a stop Izaya abruptly stood from his seat, stepping out of the bus before I even knew he had moved.

Did he wait for me? Not at all.

"Oi! Izaya, wait up."

He turned to look at me, one of those goddamn smirks on his face like he was just _trying_ to piss me off.

….wait….Izaya couldn't be….

"Well Shizu-chan? Aren't you treating me to dinner? You should walk faster."

Damn it Izaya!

30 minutes of walking later, and here we are, sitting in Russian Sushi at the farthest table in the corner waiting for Simon to bring our sushi. Am I enjoying this? Not one bit. At this point, I know exactly why he wanted me to take him here, and to be honest, it hurts. All he wanted to do is humiliate me in front of all Ikebukuro. Take the long way to Russian Sushi so he could show as many people as he could that he had me under his control. That he had tamed the beast of Ikebukuro. Why? Just to fucking piss me off. And did it work? Hell yes. I'm more pissed than I've ever been, while he just sits there grinning at me, waiting for at least one person we both know to come walking through that door and see us together.

The fact that I haven't destroyed anything by now amazes even me. I suppose my will to help him, out weighs my will to demolish his face.

"SHI-ZU-O! You sad? Eat sushi! Sushi good!" Simon called as he set our sushi covered plates down in front of us.

"Thanks Simon, looks great!" Izaya said happily.

Simon smiled at Izaya as he looked at him, then to me.

"This good! Very good! No fighting! Fighting bad! You eat sushi! Make you friends!"

Is he talking about me and Izaya? I never know….Friends? Are we friends? I'd say not, considering his little scheme playing out here.

"Yes, yes, Simon. Shizu-chan's being quite the gentlemen today isn't he?" Izaya looked over at me and grinned, giving me butterflies.

Simon smiled at us once more before turning to tend to another customer. Thank god for me Russian Sushi is kind of empty today. Hopefully meaning Izaya's plan failed.

Of course as soon as Simon left, silence fell between us again. He seemed pretty fascinated with his Ootoro, I on the other hand, am mentally kicking the crap out of myself for walking right into his little trap. Why can't he at least act like a decent human being for a day? Are my emotions just that much fun to play with? More importantly why can't I just-

"So Shizu-chan…" He said cutting me off from my senseless rambling.

"What." I said more irritated than I intended.

"How much do you know exactly?"

I froze. What now?

"I know Mairu must have said something to you, so lets just get it all out in the open now shall we?"

I gulped. Crap, crap, crap, crap, this is really happening isn't it?

"Don't know what you're talking about." I said stuffing some sushi into my mouth.

He scowled at me, folding his arms, and placing them on the table in front of him.

"Really now Shizu-chan?"

I swallowed the suddenly unpleasant tasting food and took out a cigarette. Stay calm, stay calm.

"What right do you have to ask me any questions Flea?" immediately regretting that. "You're the one who brought me out just to get some kicks out of trying to embarrass me." Ever felt like someone was scrapping your heart out with a wooden spoon? That's what my guilt felt like.

He looked at me, half surprised, half pissed, then grinned at me once more.

"Well good for you Shizu-chan! You're not as dumb as I thought!"

Little shit.

"However I still want some answer's from you. What did Mairu tell you?"

"I already said I don't know what you're talking about."

He was glaring daggers at me, it as actually rather intimidating.

Sigh…damn it Izaya.

"Look, I don't want to fight with you okay? Lets just finish eating."

He growled and stood from his seat, pulling out his wallet and glaring at me before he spoke.

"No thanks, I'll just be going. _This-_" He emphasized by throwing some money in my face. "Should cover my food. _Enjoy your meal~"_

And he left. Like hell is this happening.

"damn it…" I muttered as I stood up and followed him.

"Izaya! Hold on a minute!"

He didn't even turn to look at me, instead, he picked up his pace and running like he was being chased by a potential rapist.

"Izaya! Fucking stop!"

Faster than my body could react, he ducked down, causing me to trip not to gracefully over his small body and fall onto my face. Hard.

"..Shit…" I muttered quietly, trying to steady myself on my knees.

"You know what I really don't get about you Shizu-chan?" He said stepping in front of me.

"How persistent you are about the silliest things."

"Izaya…"

I stood up, standing in front of him as his eyes watched my movements, waiting for whatever kind of reaction I'll give him. Instead, I simply pulled out a cigarette, lighting it up in taking as much of it in as I could before releasing the air.

"Why wont you get angry?" He asked oddly.

"Why do you want me to get angry?"

"Because that's normal."

"…I thought the last thing you wanted was to be normal."

"This is different."

….

"How?"

He tensed, pulling his jacket closer to himself, shivering slightly.

"It just is. You're suppose to get angry. But not matter what I do…you just sit there like its nothing. I made you fall on your face for Christ's sake! Scream, yell, throw something, just _do_ something!"

Alright, I'll do something.

I reached my right arm out and wrapped it around his shoulders, pulling him closer to me, sitting like that for a few seconds before pulling away and taking another puff of my cigarette.

"Something other than _that."_ he said…embarrassed?

….That's kind of cute…

Did I really just say that?

"Whatever. It always works."

He _tch'd_ as he swiped the cigarette from my hand.

"Hey!"

"Things like that could be considered sexual harassment you know."

And again his playful, teasing, mood came back.

Mood swing~

"yeah, yeah," I said, a grinning coming across me face, "Lets go. Because of you I Didn't get to finish eating."

He sighed dramatically and waved his hand around in the air, rather like a chick.

"So sorry Shizu-chan~! But I really must be going! I've spent over two hours hanging around you already and I'm afraid my I.Q might decrease if I stick around to long! I guess you'll just have to treat me next time."

Next time, huh?

"Yeah, whatever. Stop being so over dramatic. Want me to walk you home?"

He gave me the kind of look that said 'You're doing this again?' and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"You'll walk me _all~_ the way back to Shinjuku, Shizu-chan? What ever would you do if I got attacked by some _big bad_ men all by my lonesome."

I blinked.

And blinked again.

Then blushed like 12 year old girl talking to the boy she's got a crush on.

"Shut up Izaya."

"_Sigh~_ Shizu-chan's so protective! And for me of all people!" He said spinning around on his heels.

"I said shut up!"

His spinning came to a halt, his jacket fluttering slightly as it gently fell back into place.

"I never knew Shizu-chan could be so sweet." A small smile spread across his lips.

It was an actual…smile.

He turned his back to me and began to walk off down the street, waving his hand side to side.

"See you later Shizu-chan~"

Hmph. Stupid Izaya.

"You better fucking call me, you hear?"

I could hear him laugh as he continued to walk, not turning to face me again.

"Sure thing, you stupid brute."

And so ends another mood swing filled day. I think I'm starting to get used to it though. Hell, at least this is better than chasing him all over Ikebukuro.

I looked up at the dark, cloudy sky, that surely meant there would be rain.

….I've got a really bad feeling. Something just…doesn't seem right. I looked toward the direction Izaya had walked off in, that horrible feeling creeping its way into my mind.

Something bad is going to happen.

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**Not my best written chapter. ;o; But I can promise that the next one will be better. Thank you for all the name suggestions that you gave me. I love you all for helping out! . I've decided on a name based off of the suggestions given and will present said name next chapter! I said it would be this chapter…but I didn't quite work out the way I had planned. Anyway, I think Izaya may be on his period. Too many mood swings. These will be explained soon as well.**

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 14!**


	15. Explain

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her. _

_Thank you for all the name suggestions! XD I was having a really hard time trying to think of one on my own and am very pleased with the suggestions I received, however, I took me a really long time to choose one! D: and for that, I apologize. But I finally chose the name that I think fit the best and was able to finish this chapter, as for the name, you'll have to read to find out~. ^^_

**Izaya's POV:**

I checked my watch as I walked as quietly down the street as possible.

12:40.

Not as late as I thought it was at least.

Sigh~ This wasn't how I had planned it to go. Go to Ikebukuro. Order sushi. Piss of Shizu-chan. Run around the city. Go home. Is that too much to ask? Normally that would be how any of my other days would go, considering that Shizu-chan doesn't lose his mind. Which in this case, he has.

Damn it Shizu-chan….

He's confusing me. Making me feel things I don't understand, making me want something that I don't want at all. I'd have my mind set on one thing, and then he comes and treats me that way, and I cant think clearly anymore.

Why is this happening? Why now? What is he trying to accomplish by treating me like this, showing me these affections, and acting like he understands.

He doesn't understand. No one does, no one could. I don't get it, why does he confuse me so much? I left with him today for the soul purpose to get him mad at me. To make him chase me around he way he always does. But he…was able to stay perfectly calm. He wouldn't react to any of my teasing., even though I could tell it was bothering him. But then he…held me like that. What was it, the third time he's hugged me in the past twenty-four hours? Shouldn't I find such contact with him repulsive? I should, shouldn't I? then why _don't_ I? Why is it, every time he touches me, my chest feels tight. When he smiles at me so serenely, my heart sores? This feeling…no, that cant be it. He's a monster, nothing more, and nothing less. And for that reason, I must always hate him.

That's what I keep telling myself at least.

Damn, he must think I'm some psycho bitch with the way I'm acting. Then again, why the hell should I care about what he thinks of me anyway?

And there I go again, constantly contradicting myself.

…

My feet stopped moving as soon as I noticed that I was standing at my front door. Did I really walk here all the way from Ikebukuro? I don't remember walking for that long…however the acing in my feet tells me that ,yes, I did.

I groaned as my hands fumbled to put the keys in the lock on my door, quickly creaking it open before shutting it once again.

My heart stopped.

"I told you, we don't know where Iza-nii is!"

"…don't…"

"_**SHUT UP!"**_

I could hear Mairu and Kururi's muffled voices beyond the door, and of course, _that_ voice.

I know. Know that should go in there. To stop this before it gets out of hand, and take his attention away from Mairu and Kururi, but my body wont move.

Fear.

That's what this is. I fear him, more than anything else. I'm not sure why, exactly, he's never given me anything worse than what Shizu-chan has in the past. But this man…His voice, his face, his touch, it terrifies me. Not even the average kind of fear, no. A kind of fear that's been engraved into my very being since I was a child. This man has always symbolized the very essence of fear for me, and most likely always will.

"_**What kind of legal guardian leaves children alone in the house at this time of night! Obviously he isn't fit to care for you!"**_

His voice is loud, deep, demonic in my ears.

"No! he'll be here any minute! I swear!"

"…Please!…"

The moment I placed my hand on the door, ready to finally face him, he scoffs loudly, and I retract my outstretched hand instantly.

"_**He's pathetic!"**_

Calm down, relax, I have to do this.

"_**Worthless!"**_

I turn the door knob slowly, preparing myself for the inevitable.

"_**FILTHY!"**_

And I open it.

Instantly, all eyes were on me, but I kept my expression still. Emotionless. It was the only sort of defense I had against him, to show no fear, when in reality I was scared shitless. Mairu squinted her eyes shut as soon as she saw me, she knew what was coming next.

"_**Just where the hell have you been trash?"**_

I released a shaky breathe, " Seikyo-san… ,I was-"

Before I knew it I was on the ground, not even realizing I had been hit until the side of my cheek began to throb painfully.

"_**Sorry, didn't catch that, what?"**_ He said as a grin spread across his face.

"I was jus-"

Again I was cut short, this time by a kick in the stomach. The sharp heel of his shoe ramming into my lung, as I coughed and heaved, attempting to catch my breathe.

"_**Gonna have to speak up worm."**_

Heh. Hearing that makes me think of Shizu-chan. He was always calling me silly names like that, but now, even that sense of normalcy in my life has ceased.

"_**Well!" **_his voiced boomed from above me, actually causing me to jump slightly.

I glanced over toward Mairu, she had her arms around Kururi, whom was sobbing in the corner of the room.

This was not supposed to happen. They weren't supposed to be subjected to this anymore, I didn't want them to have to go through this anymore. Ironic isn't it? I've caused so much pain and suffering for other people, and the one time I truly want to prevent it, its out of my control.

I hate it. Not being in control. But what I hate even more is how far under the control of this man that I am. He controls me, moves me like a little doll, and breaks me once he's bored.

Over and over again. An endless cycle.

"_**Don't you fucking ignore me you little skank!"**_

Skank? that's a new one.

Everything was happening in slow motion. I saw his fist coming, I could hear the twins shriek. But all I could think about was Shizu-chan. I guess I hadn't noticed till now, but he had become my one escape. When I'm with him, everything seems so unimportant. Any inkling of fear erases from my mind and I just feel so light. Like air. So relaxing and calming, as Shizu-chan acts like an embarrassed goof ball trying to find the right words to say every time he starts to speak.

So relaxing.

So calming.

And just like that, my world became a black void.

**Shizuo's POV:**

"Come on, damn it, answer your phone!"

For the 15th time that night, Izaya's phone went straight to voice mail.

This feeling I have, I don't know how to describe it. All I know is that I shouldn't have left Izaya, I should have taken him home, but I didn't. I let him go, and ignored the sense of dread that kept creeping its way into my mind, until I found myself at my doorstep.

Its 3:30 in the fucking morning I haven't stopped calling him since I got here. I shouldn't be that surprised, normally you'd ignore your phone when you're trying to sleep, but despite that, this still feels wrong. Something is definitely _wrong._

Should I go to Shinjuku? Find Izaya? No. Chances are, he'd just flip out at me again. Damn it….have I always been this useless? I've never been able to help anyone, if anything, I would always make it worse. Yet I cant help myself. I want to help him so badly, but there's absolutely nothing I can do.

Why hadn't anyone done anything until now? What about Shinra? Hasn't he known about this all along? Why hadn't he _done_ anything? Why hadn't he tried to help! Why did he act as if nothing was happening for all these years? Why!

…

No. This isn't his fault. Is placing the blame on him just a way to cope? Do I really just want someone to blame? If I'm going to blame anyone, its that man. That _fucking _bastard. If I had his name, or a photo or something, I'd fucking find him and tear him apart limb from limb.

….

Wait…

Shinra!

Shinra _knows!_

I grabbed my phone and dialed his number as fast as possible. It rang once, twice, three times. At first I thought he wouldn't answer either, but when the phone clicked and I could hear groaning on the other line, I sighed. Thank god.

"_Hello?"_ he groaned out sleepily.

"Shinra, it's me."

"_Shizuo-kun? What a pleasant surprise, always a pleasure waking up at three in the morning to-"_

"Shinra!" I yelled, cutting him off. "Just shut up for five seconds and listen."

"…_okay…"_

I sighed, trying to calm myself down before asking.

"Izaya's uncle." I said lowly. I'm surprised he heard me.

"…"

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone before Shinra spoke again.

"_Wh-What?"_

"What's his name Shinra?"

"_But how did you even know-!"_

"Just fucking tell me Shinra!" I lost my temper just as easily as I normally do, but strangely enough I could actually keep it under control.

"_Shizuo…" _He said nervously.

"Shinra…._please." _And yeah, I was pleading now.

Another long pause.

"_Alright. But please Shizuo, don't do anything reckless. I assume since you know about him than you know…everything?"_

"Just about…"

I heard Shinra sigh before he continued.

"_Orihara Seikyo_."

**Author's note's:**

**Finally finished chapter 15! o I'm sorry updates are going so slow but I've had a lot to deal with recently. :(**** You all know about the earthquake tsunami in Japan? My grandmother had to be evacuated when the tsunami struck and we didn't find out she was alright until a week after it happened. T^T We've been trying to convince her to come here but she refuses….I'm sorry… I've been neglecting my stories though, I promise I'll update faster. Anyway, thank you to the name idea! XD i absolutely fell in love with it!**

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 15!**


	16. Please

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you._

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

* * *

_**Shizuo's POV:**_

_Orihara Seikyou._

He's all I've been able to think about since last night. That's the slimy bastard whose hurting Izaya. I swear to god when I get my hands on him I'll….

"Uh, Shizuo? You okay?"

I looked up from my mental ranting to notice Tom staring at me with concern, along with multiple frightened pedestrians most likely waiting for me to through something.

"Yeah…" I said unemotionally. "More or less."

"Is there anything…you want to talk about?" He said taking a wary step back.

I sighed, trying to relax my overly tense muscles from thinking about that son of a bitch.

"No, Tom. It's alright."

Hell, no. It's NOT all right. I need to vent to somebody, and Tom is not the right person. I've got to find Celty. Now.

So, I go for the easiest route. Text messaging. I've never been more grateful for technology than I am right now.

I took out my cell phone and typed a simple. _'Need to talk'_ and waited for a reply. Lucky for me I received one immediately.

'_Sure. Something wrong?'_

Turning away slightly as Tom tried to peek over my shoulder I typed;

'_Something like that. It's important. Meet me at the park. You know which one.'_

I pocketed my cell phone and began my descent towards the designated meeting place.

"Hey! Shizuo, where are you going!" Tom called after me.

"Taking a quick break. I'll be back." I said waving my hand dismissively at him.

Thank god he left it at that. I guess that's one of the things I like the most about Tom, he doesn't try to hard to pry into other peoples business.

As I walked over to our usual spot, I saw Celty sitting down, waiting patiently.

"Hey." I said casually.

She took out her phone and hurriedly typed. '_Hello.'_ and erased it just as quickly, already typing a new message.

'_So what did you want to talk about?'_

She always seemed to get straight to the point in these kind of conversations, even if I myself am in no way ready. I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I took a seat beside her.

"Has Shinra already told you about our little conversation last night?"

Despite the lack of a face, she looked thoroughly confused.

'_No?'_

"I see…" I said lowly, wondering if she even knew anything about Izaya's current situation.

"Then…do you know how Izaya's been doing?" I took the subtle approach.

She paused for a while, then began to type her reply to me rather…oddly.

'_Sort of… but Shizuo I really shouldn't be telling you about those sort of thin-'_

I stopped reading the message there and took a deep breathe. Ready to just say everything.

"I already know Celty. About everything. The twins, their father,..their uncle…, and what he's doing to Izaya." My fists clenched as the thought of that man came back into my mind, trying like hell to suppress the urge to hit something.

It took a while for her to answer me this time. She was obviously taken aback by my statement, and I could tell she wasn't quite sure how to respond, which made me feel kind of bad for forcing this situation upon her.

She regained her composure and typed her next message to me quickly. I was expecting a _"How did you know?" _or even a_ "It's none of our business."_ but her next question actually caught me off guard.

'_Are you worried about Izaya?'_

This time it was my turn to be silent. Questions like that from Celty were rare, and completely unexpected, but I had no intention of lying to her.

"Yes."

She looked at me for a while, and just as quickly as the last, typed her message to me.

'_I don't know much Shizuo, but if you're trying to help Izaya, then I'm willing to help you do it. If you need anything just tell me.'_

I thought about that for a bit, deciding instantly what I really wanted her to do for me, but nervous about asking such a thing of her. But right now, Izaya is my top priority, and this maybe be my only way to truly save him.

Clenching and unclenching my fists painfully, I released a shaky breathe, preparing myself for what I was about to ask.

"I need you to find Orihara Seikyou for me."

**Izaya's POV:**

I blinked my eyes a couple of times, trying to determine where the hell I was exactly. After a couple minutes of looking around and trying to focus my blurry vision to the best of my ability, I concluded that I was in my room.

A sigh of relief escaped my mouth as I sat up, a sharp pain in my side causing me to fall back in bed harshly.

Now that I think about it, my head hurts like hell too. What happened?

Shizu-chan…Russian Sushi…late…twins…screaming…hitting…oh yeah. I got the crap beat out of me last night. That explains a bit.

"Iza-nii?" I heard from the doorway.

I glanced over, and sure enough, there was Mairu and Kururi. I groaned as they started walking closer. It as about 12: 33 p.m. and they should NOT be here.

"Why aren't you two in school? How many times do I have to tell you tw-" and just like that my train of thought went crashing off the cliff of imagination. All the little people screaming and burning as they went, because my god, the twins were hugging me. They have **never** hugged me before. _**EVER**_. Come to think of it, I think the only person whose ever hugged me is Shizu-chan, if you can believe it. Cause I'm still having trouble.

"Uh…Are you guys okay?" They nodded their heads in my chest, not looking at me as they did so.

With four arms wrapped around my torso it was getting rather hard to breathe, I coughed loudly, hoping to get their attention and failing.

"We're scared.." Mairu said sadly.

"…scared…" Kururi repeated quietly.

Officially giving up, I wrapped arms around both of their small bodies, trying to return the embrace to the best of my ability in this position.

"Of what?" I said as comfortingly as I could.

They simultaneously lifted their heads to look at me, their eyes teary, as they squeezed me harder. Looking at them, I felt horrible, because this is my fault. This was all my fault. If I had just done things differently…than maybe everything would have turned out better for the two of them. If I had just tried harder…

"..please…..don't…" Kururi said, her tears finally spilling over.

"You don't have to do this!" Mairu said, explaining her sister's broken sentence. Tears beginning to fall freely from her eyes as well. "You...you can just let us go with him! Then everything would be alright! Please Iza-nii…I-I don't want him to hurt you anymore….please.."

I smiled as best as I could, patting their heads fondly as I tried to steady my shaking voice.

"Don't worry about it! I'm alright, this is nothing. We just have to wait a little longer and everything will be alright. You guys are just worrying to much." I said that in hopes of calming them down, but they just started to cry harder.

Yes, everything I'm saying is a lie, but I don't deserve to complain. I don't deserve to be angry or fight back. Everything he does to me is what I truly deserve.

Joy, kindness, love.

All things that will forever be out of my reach. And that's why, if no one can love me personally, then I can at least love them. All of them. All of my humans.

" I-Iza-nii…Iza-nii!" Kururi sobbed into my shirt.

In a way, this makes me feel happy. At least they care about me, and love me in some way. Even though it's completely undeserved.

I smiled again and wrapped my arms around them once more. Trying to comfort them in whatever way that I could.

_It's alright._

_I can take it._

_Just a little while longer._

_Please be patient._

_Wait for me._

_Everything will be okay._

_Right?_

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**This was my attempt at writing a sentimental chapter, not working to well though. O.o Anyway, chapter 16 is…done! XD Hurray! I said I'd update faster and I meant it! Writing this actually makes me feel bad for Izaya. T^T In a way, I really enjoy writing stories like this, but I also hate making Iza-chan suffer! Sigh~ I need to get my act together. Anyway, has Iza-chan ever been hugged before? I'm not quite sure…well, lets just say that for now, Izaya has never been hugged in his entire life. Ok? ^-^ that should work.**

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 16!**


	17. Guilt

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her. _

* * *

**Shizuo's POV:**

'_You want me to find him for you?'_

I nodded my head in confirmation. She looked at me for a few moments before replying.

'_I'll try Shizuo, if you think you can help Izaya this way, but at least promise you wont do anything to drastic when I do find him.'_

I chuckled lightly in response.

"Not sure if I can keep that promise."

We both stayed silent after that. I fiddled with my fingers as she stared at the ground, as if contemplating something. Before I could say anything else she shoved her phone into my face harshly, using her unoccupied hand to scoot herself away a few inches.

'_Maybe you should try keeping Izaya company while I track him down?' _

I stared at the message blankly, not quite understanding its meaning.

"Huh?" I said confused.

She shifted back and forth a bit before showing her next message.

'_Like a date?'_

I gaped as those few simple words settled into my brain.

A d-date! With IZAYA!

….hadn't I already tried that…? Wait. No! That wasn't a date! Just a simple friendly get together….with Izaya….whom is kind of attractive….….in a friendly non-sexually interested way…

What the hell am I even talking about anymore?

'_Shizuo?' _Celty typed nervously.

"Tch!" I spat turning away, my cheeks burning slightly. "I can imagine something like that coming from Kadota's weird little friends, but you, Celty? That's just wrong." I said, mostly trying to convince myself.

'_But you seem to really care about Izaya so I just thought…'_

"AS FRIENDS!" I yelled defensively.

'_Right.' _Celty typed, looking rather irritated. _'Well then how about inviting him out with you as "friends" huh? Would that work? That way you'd be able to keep an eye on him while I track down the other one.'_

The quotation marks she typed around the word 'friends' kind of pissed me off, and embarrassed me at the same time.

Izaya and I were just friends.

Just friends….that depresses me way more than it should.

"Alright... I'll give it a try."

I sighed.

This is it, I'm going to call Izaya, and settle this thing once and for all. You know what's really funny? that's the exact same thing I said forty five minutes ago! Damn it!

I took a few deep breathes, easing the grip I had on my cell phone before it completely snapped in half, and dialed the number once more.

It rang once. Twice. And I hung up.

"SHIT!" I exclaimed, throwing the small device across the room.

I sank into the soft fabric of my couch as I tried to regulate my breathing. Damn, Izaya isn't even here and he's still causing my blood pressure to sky-rocket.

I mean, even if I did get up the mother fucking courage to actually call him, there's no guarantee that his response would be a positive one. Hell, he'd probably laugh in my face for even suggesting that sort of thing. Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK! Why the hell did I listen to Celty in the first place!

I guess this is what they'd call 'easier said than done.' How could I have ever agreed to that? I cant just fucking make myself call him!

"Damn it…" I muttered to no one in particular.

I stood up from the couch to retrieve my surprisingly still working phone and dialed the number again.

Damn it, come on Shizuo! Just get it over with already!

"_Hello?" _I heard from the other line.

Sh-shit! I didn't even hear the phone ringing!

"_Hello? Anyone there? This is Shizu-chan isn't it? I have caller I.D. you know."_

"Y-Yeah. Its me." I said nervously.

"_Well, what is it? You need something? Or did you just miss me that much?"_

….uh, what?

"_He~~llo~~~? Shizu-cha~~~n! You there? What, you really did miss me? I'm flattered, really!"_

"Shut up!" I yelled embarrassedly, because, shit! Miss him!…I kind of…do.

In a friendly way.

"_Aw, so cruel Shizu-chan. And I was just starting to think that you were a pretty nice guy, being so sweet and protective and all, guess I was wro-"_

I hung up.

….

…..

Shit, I hung up!

As I started dialing his number again my phone began to ring, the glowing neon letters saying 'Izaya'. I gulped.

"Yeah?" I said semi-sarcastically.

"_What was that Shizu-chan? You call me then have the balls to hang up when I'm talking to you? So rude!" _

The sentence itself sounded pretty angry, but the tone he used sounded the exact opposite.

"Yeah, sorry. Anyway…" I started, trying to hurry this up. "How are you?"

"_Hm? Fine I guess."_

I released a shaky breathe, slightly gripping the phone tighter.

"Are you…busy, or anything?"

There was a long pause on the other end before he replied.

"_F-For what?" _He said nervously, which kind of unsettled me.

"You want to go somewhere?"

"_Technically Shizu-chan, I could go anywhere. Do you mean with you specifically?"_

And just like that, any nervousness in his voice disappeared, replaced with his snaky attitude once again.

"Yes I meant with me! Who else! I mean…Shit. Stop trying to piss me off, do you want to or not?" Damn it I lost control again.

"…_Shizu-chan…I-I don't. That doesn't seem like a good idea."_ he said actually sounding...apologetic.

…Does that mean I'm getting rejected?…Am I insinuating something like this is an actual date?

…as friends…

Yes, just as friends.

"Why not?" I said kind of hurt. "You did it before." Even if he was trying to humiliate me.

"_I…I just…I'm not really feeling that well. That's all…"_

Not...feeling well?

"Maybe you should go see Shinra then. I can call him right now-"

"_NO!"_

The sudden yell was startling, but it was the overwhelming fear in his voice is what really caught me off guard. Izaya has never shown me fear, the one and only time I ever seen such a thing, was that night in the alley. That bastard had hurt him and tossed him away like nothing!…

Wait. No. No no no! That bastard didn't!

"Izaya…I'm coming over. Now."

"_N-no, Shizu-chan, you don't have to! Really, everything's fine!"_

"Izaya." I said lowly. "I'm coming to see you.** NOW.**" And I hung up.

He'll probably lecture me later about how 'rude' I am for hanging up on him again, but goddamn it, that doesn't matter right now. If I'm right, and that bastard has laid so much as a _finger_ on Izaya,

**I'm going to kill him.**

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**This is another chapter that just seemed really rushed to me. :/ I tried to fix it up some but none of it seemed to flow right. I'll at least try to make sure the next chapter is written better. Anyway, chapter 17 is now complete! When I first started this story, I didn't even think I'd last 10 chapters, but now there's 17! We're almost up to 20! XD I'm so happy and grateful to everyone that's read and reviewed so far! Its because of you this story has come as far as it has, Thank you!**

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you fro reading chapter 17!**


	18. Love

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

* * *

**Izaya's POV:**

"Damn it!" I yelled, throwing my phone to the floor.

"What's wrong Iza-nii?" Mairu asked glancing to the probably broken cell phone on the ground. "Did something happen?"

"Shizu-chan. Shizu-chan happened." And yes, that's an incredibly douche bag cliché thing to say, but I don't care.

" …what…." Kururi muttered.

"What do you mean?" Mairu asked picking up my phone.

Ignoring her question, I walked into the bathroom, wincing slightly when the large bruise on my face came into the view of the mirror. If Shizu-chan sees this, he'll freak, for reasons I still don't understand.

Mairu…what the hell did she say to him? What did she do to make him act this way? She couldn't have said…_that _much, could she? She should know better than that at this point. And to tell _Shizu-chan_ of all people? I know she isn't that stupid. But then…why would Shizu-chan be so over protective of me now? Unless he knew, there's no possible reason for him to treat me so kindly. No reason…

Then…he doesn't really care about me at all, does he? He just likes me so much ,because now, I'm the broken toy. My god did I really just say that about myself? I hadn't realized how far I'd fallen.

…..

To him, wouldn't this be well deserved for everything I've done?

Shizu-chan…wants so badly to help me, but, if it just resolves itself, and everything were to go back to normal then….then he'd hate me again, wouldn't he?

I…I don't want that. I hate to admit it but, I almost like him _better _this way. When he's so kind and loving…..loving? D-did I just say loving? Whoa, whoa Izaya, don't get ahead of yourself. He's just being protective! There's no way that Shizu-chan could…love me. Its impossible. So then why…why do I_ want_ it? No one could ever love me, I've already accepted this fact and moved on, so why do I still crave for that kind of affection? Why from Shizu-chan? But, the way he holds me, and the way he talks, I….I just cant help it.

He's making me fall for him.

I mean that. He is physically _forcing _me to fall for his small acts of kindness, smiling face, and sweet affections that I'm not used to feeling.

What's happened to me?

I'm surprised I'm even able to admit it to myself, but then again, what's the point of trying to hide it? I can at least be honest with myself about it.

How long have I been feeling this way? Ah, yes. That first time. Shizu-chan's first act of kindness towards me, even if said kindness took place in a dirty bathroom. Or maybe, much longer than that. How many chances have I had to kill him? How many times have I blown them off? Damn, when did I become so pathetic? To fall for such a despicable _human _emotion as love? And for a being that isn't even human?

"Iza-nii? Is something wrong?" Mairu asked as I walked out of the bathroom.

I sighed heavily as I took in their worried expressions.

"You guys might want to go out for a while." I said taking a seat at my desk.

The two exchanged worried looks before coming to stand beside me.

"Why?" Kururi asked quietly.

"Just trust me and go." I said glancing at the chat room on the desktop. Damn, no one to talk to, figures.

"But Iza-nii!" Mairu said worriedly. "We…We don't want to! Why do we have to go? What's going to happen if we do?"

Damn it, why don't they ever just listen to me! Always…they've never liked me anyway, just like Shizu-chan, now that I'm in a bad position they feel like playing the good younger siblings and making it all better? Bullshit. The should feeling fucking lucky I'm doing this at all.

"Just go!" I said sternly, standing up from my seat to tower over them.

Kururi flinched slightly, before grabbing Mairu's hand and walking towards the door. Mairu looked back at me one last time, her expression just screaming _'why?', _beforewalking out and shutting the door behind her with a light thud.

I sighed, slumping back into my chair. This is going to be a long day.

But first things first, I need to get all these ridiculous thoughts of love out of my head before Shizu-chan gets here, and change everything back to the way it was. It doesn't matter, even if I do love him, it's a love that can never be returned anyway.

I'm going to push him away one final time, and I'll make sure he stays away for good. Even if this requires me to rip his heart from his chest and stomp it into the dirt, if that's what it takes, then I'll do it. I can't have him causing anymore distractions, or confuse me any further. I have more important things to attend to. Right now, the twins are my number one priority. Even if I don't want them to be.

As if on cue, a very loud knocking came from the other side of my front door.

_Shizu-chan…_

I sat up from my chair once again, walking slowly towards the door, reaching my hand out and wrapping my fingers lightly around the handle.

_If it helps at all…_

I inhaled deeply, gently turning the knob until it _'clicked', _and pulled the door open.

_I'd like to say I'm sorry._

Standing before me, was the same face I'd become so used to over the past couple weeks, panting heavily from running all the way here.

_And not just for what I'm about to do, but for everything._

"Izaya…" He spoke lowly, a hint of worry coating his deep voice.

His eyes widened for a few seconds, before narrowing into a resentful scowl that made me stomach do a 360° flip.

_You really are a nice guy._

"What the _**hell**_ happened to your face?" He said, taking a few menacing steps forward.

_Thank you, and, I'm sorry._

"So, Shizu-chan…" I began after thirty minutes of awkward silent glaring on my couch. "What brought you here exactly?"

He growled in an almost animalistic manor as his clenched fists clenched tighter. It looked painful.

"Izaya…what happened to your face?" He asked for the billionth time, and for the billionth time I blew him off.

"It's really rude to just barge into someone else's house you know."

I don't think I've ever seen the hate so visible in his eyes before today.

I rolled my eyes dramatically, I need to get this over with, now. " I fell down the stairs, now, back to you. What do you wan-"

"Wait, wait, wait. Back up." he said, raising one of his hands up to emphasize that he wanted me to shut my mouth. "You did what now? Fell down the _stairs? _Do you really think I'm _that _stupid?" Well, yeah, kinda.

"What does it matter Shizu-chan? Who cares how I got a stupid little bruise? You've given me _much_ worse than this." Seeing the hurt look cross over his face, I knew my plan would work perfectly.

Landed the first blow perfectly.

Trying to ignore my last comment, he stood from his seat on the couch to come sit beside me, only _slightly _invading my personal space bubble.

"It does matter Izaya, a lot…" Oh, really? "Just…what happened to you…?"

I narrowed my eyes and smirked at him (he's always hated it when I make this face) and before he could say anything else, I pushed myself a couple feet away from him, pressing myself into the arm of the couch.

"I dislike you being so _close _to me Shizu-chan. Please do try to keep yourself away, wont you?" I said smiling at him as serenely as I could.

He furrowed his eyebrows as his vibrant eyes dulled slightly, the hurt becoming visible as I continued. If I knew saying such simple lines could hurt Shizu-chan so much, I would've done so years ago. Maybe. Kind of. Not really. Whatever.

"Izaya…why..?"

Second blow, perfect landing.

I widened my smile as he stuttered out his sentence hopelessly.

"Why what Shizu-chan?"

He turned away from me, his shoulders shaking, whether from anger or hurt, I'm not sure.

I'm not going to lie, I honestly do feel bad. Shizu-chan's done nothing but try to help me, well recently at least, and all I'm doing is hurting him. But this is the best thing to do for him. Once he realizes that nothings changed, he'll just revert back to normal.

Normal.

How odd, wasn't that what I wanted to avoid in life? Normality? Now here I am crushing the heart of a good person just to _achieve _normalcy. Orihara Izaya, you've officially hit rock bottom.

Snapping myself out of my inner ranting, I noticed Shizu-chan staring at me, immediately causing my cheeks to heat up.

Damn it NO! Stop _doing _that!

"I cant take this…"

"What?" I said making sure I heard him right.

"I cant take this Izaya. What the hell's wrong with you anyway? Are you fucking PMSing or some shit? Would you just make a fucking decision already! One second you seem so fragile, clinging to me with every ounce of your strength, and the next you act like you want nothing to do with me! I can't fucking _take_ this!" He hunched himself over slightly, resting his head in his left hand, staring intently at the other.

Ok…not what I was expecting, but I suppose it works. I'll have to go with it.

"Well that's just the thing Shizu-chan. I suppose you can be a little convenient at times, but really, I want _nothing to do with you._"

He snapped his head up to look at me, his eyes widening, and I smiled.

The final blow-

"_**Go die."**_

Landed perfectly.

He just sat there. His expression rather…odd. Not surprised, no, he looked like he was in physical pain. He just stared at me, as if I had said the most ridiculous thing in the world. I waited. Waited for those words to settle in. This is it. Now, he stands up, storms out, slams the door, and tries to beat my face in the next time I come in contact with him. Just like its supposed to be.

Like how it's _meant _to be-

"You're lying…"

….What?

It was my turn to stare now. I suppose I shouldn't have expected it to be that easy but….

"I can tell Izaya. You're lying. You don't mean any of that, do you?"

Sh-Shit! Since when was he able to read me so easily!

"I-I don't know what you're talking about Shizu-chan! Why would I lie? I've always wanted you dead, remember?"

He kept leaning closer and closer and _closer,_ until his face was a few inches from mine. His loyal dog-like eyes boring into my own as his hand inched its way over to mine, caressing it gently.

"I can tell…Izaya…Don't lie…."

Oh my god, oh my god, OH MY GOD! **RED ALERT! WARNING!** What the fucking shit is he doing!

His eyes slowly closed, his face rested a couple centimeters from my own, his smoky breathe ghosting over my lips gently.

My heart's pounding, I should move or run or hit him or _something!_ But I…I cant! My body is frozen in place and he's going to…! He's getting ready to…!

He leaned in a bit closer as I squinted my eyes shut. My face burning from embarrassment and something I'm not willing to say out loud, before I felt a pair of soft, warm lips, pressing gently against my cheek.

OH MY MOTHERF**KING SHIT EATING GOD SHIZUO JUST FUCKING KISSED ME.

Even if it was only on the cheek, he still freaking kissed me! It both relieved and frustrated me at the same time.

He pulled away, a pink hue dusted over his face as he sat up straight once again. I sat there, leaning up against the corner of the couch, my arms beside me keeping me balanced, and one leg dangling off the edge. My heart still pounding loudly in my ears. I stayed like that, I'm not sure for how long, until Shizuo looked at me again, with an embarrassed, worried expression, waiting for me to throw him out. But I couldn't even do that, because damn it, I can still feel his lips touching me and my whole body tingles because of it! Wh-What the hell Shizu-chan?

"Shizu-chan…." I said as loudly as I possibly could in my stupor. "Why did you…do that?"

I shouldn't. I really shouldn't. But god, I cant help it. What if…Shizu-chan loves me? Just a teensy bit? He just kissed me didn't he? I-I mean, would I accept him if he did? Is it bad that, I hope his answer is yes? That I want him to say he loves me and kiss me for real? I need an answer from you Shizu-chan, an honest answer.

How do you feel about me?

He looked at me, his eyes cast down slightly as his mind processed the events that had just occurred.

Please Shizu-chan…_please._

"I…" He started, confusion settling on his handsome features.

"I… don't…know."

And just like that, the hopeful feeling that had collected itself in my heart, had shattered into a million pieces.

Why did I even let myself get so easily sucked in like that?

Damn it Izaya...do NOT cry! Not in front of him again! I-I know I'm stronger than that! Damn it damn it damn it, DO, NOT, CRY!

I squinted and blinked my eyes over and over again, trying to keep those god awful little fuckers back, and failing miserably. After years and years of holding back, within a few short seconds of Shizuo sitting there like nothing happened,

I let them go.

I couldn't stop the small sob from escaping my mouth, and as soon as he saw me crying, his arms were wrapped around my body instantly. Why is he always so quick to hug me?

He pulled my body onto his lap, his arms wrapping tighter around my waist as I started full on sobbing. God I'm pathetic. It was just a little kiss, on the cheek, and silly little confused Shizu-chan doesn't understand why he did it, so why am I taking it so fucking personally? Did I really want him to say he love's me this badly?

Placing my hands on his shoulders, I gave up, nuzzling my head into his chest as I cried. And I mean cried. I just let everything go, at this point, I'm not even sure all these tears are falling just because of the kiss. No, this is for everything. Why is it, whenever he's around me, I can't control even my own emotions? It's all his fault.

"Sh-Shi-Shizu-ch-chan's…a j-jerk…" I sobbed into his shirt.

He responded by lifting his hand and petting my hair soothingly.

"I know…Sorry." He said holding me gently. I just cried more.

I didn't even want to stop anymore. I just wanted to let it all out so it wouldn't come back to haunt me later, and Shizu-chan didn't seem to have a problem with this at all. No, he just held me. Petting my hair and whispering words of comfort into my ear, just making me feel more embarrassed than I already was.

"I'm sorry Izaya. Please stop crying. Please…"

Damn it, shut up! Stupid protozoan, you're just making it worse!

I just clung to him more, just like he said, I'm doing it again. I treat him like crap, then break down in font of him and seek his comfort, which he gives without a second thought.

You're to kind Shizuo. Especially towards me.

"Sh-Shizu-chan…." I sobbed out lightly.

Running his long fingers through my hair, he began sliding his hand up and down my back, I assume as another attempt to comfort me.

"Yeah?" He said quietly, his voice dripping with his sickeningly sweet affectionate nature.

"I…I-I'm s-sorry…I'm so…s-sorry….Shizu-chan…" I clung to him tighter.

I don't care anymore. I want him to stay with me. Even if I'm a hypocrite, or if this makes me some kind of slut, I don't care. Even if He doesn't really love me. Please Shizu-chan,

Just stay with me.

He smiled brilliantly. Pulling me even closer to him, (if possible) he nuzzled his face in my hair, effectively leaving me a quivering embarrassed mess.

"You have nothing to apologize for."

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**Damn! This chapter didn't flow right at all!**** I tried, I really did, but everything was just completely off! I'm so sorry…T^T Anyway…A full Izaya chapter! A very long one too, just a poorly written long chapter, but I still tried! I wanted Izaya to try an express his feelings about Shizuo, still feeling confused himself, but it just turned out all jumbled and weird. I'm so sorry….Well, these next few chapters are going to be a mixture of fluff and angst! Just because that seems to work for Izaya. I'm really excited about writing the next chapter too! XD Kurgy may be helping again. We'll just have to see~**

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 18!**


	19. Confusion

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

* * *

**Shizuo's POV:**

I cant even begin to express the happiness I'm feeling at this very moment. Holding Izaya this way, as weird as it is, feels right. I love how perfectly he fits in my arms, even as he cries like this, I feel this way. Does it make me sadistic?

God, Izaya apologized, to _me._ Why would he go and do a thing like that? I'm the one that should be apologizing for doing that…._thing _a few minutes ago.

…..

Why _did _I do that?

I-I kissed him. Kissed him! Him as in a guy! I mean, it wasn't that bad, but still.

No, just stop, this isn't so bad. For now, I can just call it a friendly accident. Right now, my main focus is Izaya. I can sort all this out later, but no matter what, Izaya comes first.

"Shizu-chan…" He whispered into my chest.

My arms tightened around his slim form for a total of five seconds before I loosened them again. I…cant control my strength, oh my god, I could break his spine in half without even realizing it!

Fully realizing how much danger I'm putting him in, I released him completely, surprising him with the sudden movement.

"Shizu-chan?" He asked worriedly, his eyes still brimming with tears.

It took every ounce of self control I had to stop myself from taking him into my arms again. How can a guy be that cute?….Did I just say I think he's cute?

….

Moving on.

Suddenly panic flashed in his eyes. He gripped his hands on the front of my shirt and pressed himself against me as far as he could go. Most awkward moment of my life so far.

"I-Izaya…" I stuttered out, not really knowing where that sentence was going.

He tightened his grip as he cuddled me, I don't hear him crying anymore, but the situation seems to have gotten worse.

I took a deep breathe, willing my heart to stop beating so fast before touching his shoulder lightly . I slid my hand from the top of his shoulder down to his hand, taking it in mine.

"Izaya? You okay?" I said rubbing my thumb soothingly over the smooth skin of his hand.

"No…" He said quietly.

My muscles tensed as a wave of panic washed over me.

"What's wrong-!"

"Unless you stay with me." He said cutting me off.

Again my body froze in place. After all this time of pushing me away, he finally wants me to _stay_? I did the only think I could do. I draped my arms around his waist, being mindful of the fact that I could snap him like a twig from a simple hug, and smiled as brightly as possible.

"Then I'll stay."

He looked up at me, his eyes widening slightly.

"Really?" he asked in a hopeful sort of way that seemed out of place for him.

I nodded my head as I ran my fingers through his hair, and yeah, I don't fucking care if its weird right now or not. This is definitely not something friends would do.

"Really." I stated calmly.

His face turned a deep shade of red as he nuzzled himself back into my chest.

"You better." he said embarrassed, making me smile more.

Ok, bruise or not, this has been a fucking good day. Wait…bruise….oh fucking hell.

"Izaya, will you tell me what happened now?" I said as calmly as possible.

He tensed up a bit, before slowly pushing his body away from my chest. He stared at me for a few moments, and sighed.

"I think I should get off of Shizu-chan's lap now. After all, it would be pretty awkward if someone were to come in right now. They'd think there was something between us." He said standing himself up.

Ok, ouch. But what the hell! He's doing this _again!_

"Izaya stop freaking avoiding it!" I said standing up with him. "I already know so there's no point in trying to hide it!"

…SHIT.

His eyes widened as he took a step back.

"…Wh-What…?" He said more to himself than me.

Holy hell, did I really just say that? I've been able to keep it a secret all this fucking time and within a few seconds I let slip? Just like that? I'm such a fucking idiot!

"I…I'm sorry Izaya…"I said looking at my feet.

I don't deserve to look at him right now.

"H-How?" He asked in a shaky voice.

I took a deep breathe, preparing for a very long, painful talk.

"Mairu." I said simply.

She has permission to kill me later.

He looked at me for a while, before his eyes slowly drooped to his feet.

"..Mairu…said it…" He mumbled lowly.

He suddenly doubled over with laughter. It wasn't natural, not just the laughing in this kind of situation, but the laughter in general. It was loud, forced, crazed even. Like something that would happen in a horror movie.

"I-Izaya?" I said nervously.

"No…no…haha…No, no NO! Ahahaha! Shizu-chan can't…no…" He mumbled, wrapping his arms around my torso tightly.

He isn't making sense. it's the same as that night in the alley, I can't understand him. All the things he says and does don't make sense to me. How can I save him if I cant understand him?

"Say you're lying." He said lowly.

"Wh-what?" I couldn't stop myself from stumbling over every word.

He tilted his head up just high enough for me to see his eyes. They were wide and brimming with tears, as he smiled. A serene, calming smile that sent shivers down my spine.

"**Say you're lying."** He said darkly, his face maintaining that eerie expression.

"I-Izaya…"

And just like that his hands placed themselves on my chest, shoving me roughly to the ground. I looked up at him, and yeah I was scared shitless, as he stood there panting. His fists clenched tight as he squinted his eyes shut, his entire body trembling.

"Izaya?" I said raising my voice slightly.

He looked down at me, smiling brightly as he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, taking a deep breathe before he spoke.

"Sorry about that Shizu-chan, what were you saying?" He said calmly.

Holy shit holy shit holy shit, I think I just crapped out my heart. What the fuck was that?

"I'm going to go make us some tea, okay?" He said cheerfully walking into the kitchen.

I stood up, walking as steadily into the kitchen as possible, following him.

"Don't just walk away…" I said sighing, choosing not to ask about what just happened. "We need to talk about this."

He turned to look at me as he turned on the stove, smiling at me sweetly. Creepy as hell.

"About what?" He said calmly.

Fucking _creepy_.

"Your uncle!" I shouted.

His face deadpanned for a few moments before turning into a look of disgust.

"I don't know what Mairu _told_ you, Shizu-chan." He spat out angrily. "But I can assure you that there is nothing to worry about."

At least he didn't go freaking psycho on me again.

"Izaya…" I tried to say calmly. "If what Mairu told me was wrong then I'd like to hear from your point of view what _exactly_ the situation is with you right now."

He scowled at me, turning back to the half filled pot of water, ignoring me completely.

"Izaya.." I said dangerously.

He may have just scared the ever loving crap out of me, but if I don't keep myself under control I could still seriously hurt him. Calm down…calm down…

"If you're going to ignore me then I'm going to leave." I said turning my back to him.

I suppose this is pretty devious of me, but its all I can think of.. All I know is that he wants me to stay with him, so what would he do if I left?

"Wait!" He shouted suddenly, grabbing hold of my arm.

I looked back at him, half surprised that he actually tried to stop me, and half surprised at the panicked look on his face.

"D-Don't leave. You said you wouldn't!" He said, stuttering over his words hopelessly.

I sighed. Trust me Izaya, when you do that, there's no possible way I could ever leave you. How could I have even considered playing him like that?

"Then I need you to cooperate with me Izaya. I'm sorry I pried into your life like this, but I needed to know. And I'll apologize as much as you want me to later, but I can't say that I regret knowing, and I want to hear from you about what's going on and…" I paused, not wanting to continue. "…and what that man's done to you. I'm going to stop this Izaya, I wont let him hurt you."

He looked up at me, tightening his hold on my arm as he released a shaky breathe. He wasn't happy about this. At all. He didn't want me to know, and he most certainly didn't want to tell me anything.

Izaya abided by my request a lot easier than I thought he would.

"..A-Alright…I-I'll tell you…but not now, okay? Please…" He said pleadingly.

How the hell can I say no to that?

I pulled him into a hug, the only form of comfort I actually know, and sighed. And yeah, I'm hugging him again, shut up.

"Deal." I said relaxing a bit.

He pulled away from me some and furrowed his eyebrows, looking torn, before he spoke again.

"Can you…promise me something?" He asked hesitantly.

"What?"

He sighed, leaning his body back into the embrace, as he chuckled. No one has EVER, done something like this with me. And I'd be a goddamn liar if I said I wasn't enjoying every minute of it. Holding Izaya is going to become a new hobby of mine.

"Shizu-chan's been so protective lately that I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't keep this promise, but I really hope you try to listen with that brain of yours and try to understand why I'm asking such a thing of you in the first place, and hopefully you will for once just do what I want you to do because I'm going to be spilling practically every secret that I have just because you want me to and I'm actually putting enough trust in you to tell you these thing that I've never told anyone before and I really don't want-"

"IZAYA!" I yelled, cutting off his ranting.

He really, I mean _really,_ talks to much.

He sighed as he looked up at me once more, his red eyes staring into my own as his body trembled slightly.

"Promise that no matter what, you wont hurt Seikyou-san."

_Seikyou-san._

Just saying it leaves a foul taste in my mouth.

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**Fairly short chapter. Sorry. :P I'm sorry for all myself loathing but….! I don't like how this one was written either! D: Kurgy tried to help me out, and I love the parts that she wrote, but I'm just not good at making these things flow well. It just seems like everything happens to fast. Izaya gave into Shizuo's will to easily. I wasn't planning on having them hug so much either. I wanted their relationship to start out really simple, with them still thinking of each other in a 'normal' kind of way. I wanted it to grow gradually over time until the realization of love hit's them like a two ton truck. . I made Izaya figure it out to soon, and all the hugging and stuff makes it seem less like Shizuo thinks of him as just a friend. I have to much self hate when it comes to writing these chapters. ****L I'm sorry…**

**Anyway,**

**Any and All reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 19!**


	20. Blind

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

* * *

**Shizuo's POV:**

"Fine." I sneered angrily.

'Don't hurt him.' He says. What the fuck, really? Don't hurt the guy that I know for a _fact_ is physically, mentally, and most likely emotionally, abusing you? How can you NOT want me to hurt him? Whether you want me to or not I'm going to break both his legs, shove his arm down his throat, and dump him in a river somewhere.

…

I have issues.

His nose scrunched up slightly as he realized I wouldn't stay true to that promise. Sorry.

"Shizu-chan…" He sighed dramatically, hanging his head. "You're to difficult."

"Whatever." I stated nonchalantly.

Walking back towards the stove he finished preparing our two cups of tea, motioning for me to go sit in the living room.

Trying to be less 'difficult' as he calls it, I do as I'm told, and leave the room.

We're finally going to get it all out in the open. Honestly I thought he'd be angrier at me for getting Mairu to tell me, but aside from the few seconds of the beginnings of a mental break down, he took it better than I thought he would.

Izaya came walking back into the room, carrying a small tray with what I assume is our cups of tea. His arms were shaking violently as he walked forward. His legs trembled slightly as he focused on not dropping the cups of hot liquid, and yeah, I was worried as hell.

I jumped up on my feet and rushed towards him, placing my arm around his shoulder gently as I tried guiding him to the couch. He wasn't to pleased with this.

"I'm _fine_ Shizu-chan. Stop being so dramatic." He said semi-angrily.

His cheeks flushed slightly as he shrugged my arm off his shoulder.

"And you call me difficult." I chuckled half jokingly. "But really, are you okay?"

He sighed as he placed the tray carefully on the coffee table, plopping himself down as he ran his fingers through his hair, looking thoroughly exhausted.

"Calm down. Just a little tired…" He mumbled.

Izaya. Is this, because of me? With all that's happened today, hell, with what's been happening the last few _months,_ he must be mentally and physically exhausted.

Damn…Am I just stressing him out more? He said stay but…wouldn't be better if I left?

I quickly shook the thought out of my head when his panicked, teary eyed face flashed in my mind. He'd just freak out again if I tried to leave. So even if I stay or go, he'll be an emotionally unstable wreck? Izaya…has changed. Well no duh, of course he's changed, and its that bastards fault! Damn him, I'll kill him, I swear it.

Taking a few deep breaths, I calmed myself down, taking a seat next to Izaya. He looked up at me, watching me closely, like an animal at the zoo. Observing me. Damn it, again? I hate it when he looks at me like that….No, calm down. Now is not the time to get angry at him for _any _reason. Just stay calm. Stay calm…

"Shizu-chan's really going to stay?" He asked suddenly.

I looked at him, slightly surprised with the sudden question. "Uh…yeah." I said dumbly.

He folded his hands in his lap, leaning forward to look directly into my eyes.

"All night?" He said, his eyes searching mine for…something.

"Yes, all night." I said confidently, happy that I'm able to control myself in front of him. "If that's what you want…" I added, waiting to see how he'd react for once.

He smiled sweetly at me, making my cheeks heat up as he scoot a little closer to me on the couch. Is it just me, or is this an _extremely _awkward situation? At least for me.

"I do." He said in a charming voice that kind of gave me butterflies.

He scoot his body just a bit closer, his arm pressing against my own gently as he sighed contently. Well this is kind of…_suggestive_ isn't it? I just kissed him on the cheek, so I really don't have a right to talk, but still.

"I guess I don't hate Shizu-chan as much now…" He said staring off into space. "I award you five points."

He took a sip of his tea as he subtly snuggled up against me. Wait, five points? Five points for what?

"Izaya, what the hell are you talking about?" I asked raising my eyebrow at him.

He just smiled more as he took another sip.

"Shizu-chan's like a lovable puppy~" He said, giggling like a twelve year old girl.

Is he calling me a dog! ….lovable? He thinks I'm…lovable…Oh fucking shit!

I turned my face away from him, trying to hide how red my cheeks were becoming. He just giggled more.

Wasn't he fucking losing his mind a few minutes ago? Hell, he was crying and clinging to me for dear life before that! How can he go from that, to _this_ so quickly? Not that…I don't _like_ Izaya this way, its just a little unnerving, knowing he could freak out any second. Its like sitting next to a ticking time bomb. Huh. Is that how people feel when they're around me?

"So Shizu-chan." He said casually. "How was your day?"

….Did I imagine him having a mental breakdown five minutes ago?

"It was okay…I guess." I said warily.

He sighed, picking up his cup once again to take a sip.

An awkward silence fell upon us.

All I want to do is interrogate him up the ass about what's been going on here because of _him_, but every time I feel like I'm ready to say something about it, I stop myself. I just cant do it. Somehow, Izaya has become so important to me, something precious that I don't want to lose. I'm afraid, if I force him to tell me these things, he'd want nothing to do with me. Sounds pretty stupid right? Just a few minutes ago he was crying and asking me to stay with him, and it made me the happiest I've ever been, but I'm still so scared that he'll turn me away. Its like confessing your love to someone, I'm afraid of getting rejected…okay, not a good example.

Izaya sighed as he placed his cup down again.

"Shizu-chan. Minus five points." He said pouting slightly.

Points for what!

"What!" I exclaimed confused and partially angry.

"You're not as lovable when you're all tense and nervous." He said crossing his arms.

"Izaya…." I growled out angrily, my eyebrow twitching slightly.

Normally, Izaya would smirk at me, and try to provoke me into throwing some thing but…he just sat there. His eyebrows furrowed as he stared at me, and almost forlorn look settling itself on his face as he took another drink of tea.

What did I do?

I'm constantly walking on eggshells when I'm with him. One wrong move, and he shatters.

He's so fragile, just the slightest bump could break him. Mentally and probably physically.

"Izaya?" I asked, slightly worried.

He glanced back up at me, sighing again.

"Shizu-chan should try to relax." He said, leaning his head on my shoulder.

My body instantly froze in place. How can he tell me to relax then use me as a pillow?

"I award three points." He said calmly.

I wont even dignify that with an answer.

He sat like that for a while, the room becoming deafeningly quiet, to the point that any sound either of us made sounded out of place.

"If you wont say anything, Shizu-chan, then I will. What all did Mairu tell you?" He said suddenly.

He really isn't helping much with the relaxing factor.

"She told me…about your mother." I said solemnly.

His hands curled into fists on his lap, but he did lift his head to look at me.

"…what else…" He said in a small voice.

This is bad. I know that and yet…I also know I have to tell him. I released a shaky breathe as I continued.

"Mairu told me…about the things your mother did…to you. She told me about your father, and how you looked after the twins when he was sick. Then she told me…" I felt the anger beginning to rise within my chest as I continued. "…about your uncle, and what he's done."

I couldn't bring myself to go into details, so I kept it as vague as possible, hoping to hurt him less.

He forced a chuckle from the back of his throat as his shoulder's began to shake.

"…I-I see…" He said quietly.

I wrapped an arm around his quivering shoulders, trying to comfort him somehow.

"..Shizu-chan…knows about all that…and didn't tell me?" He said, his voice shaking.

"Izaya.."

"Is there anything else?" He asked hurriedly, his voice cracking.

He looked up at me, his scarlet irises brimming with tears. I cant stand to see him cry, and knowing that I'm the one making him cry is like ripping out my own heart.

"N-No…" I said, tightening my grip on his shoulder. "I was hoping you'd be the one to tell me the rest."

He lifted his hand up to caress his face, obviously trying to fight back tears. I've made him cry twice in one day, guess how happy I'm feeling right now?….

Wiping a few tears from his eyes, he turned his body towards me, placing a hand on my chest as he nuzzled himself in comfortably. How he manages to go from the independent, arrogant, bastard that he is-was-, to wanting to cuddle up and crying with me is baffling, but I suppose it doesn't really bother me. I can deal with his mood swings, as long as I get to be with him.

"Sorry…" I said, rubbing my hand up and down his arm soothingly.

"N-No. It's okay. I-If anyone had to find out I-I'm glad it's you…"

Despite the seriousness of our situation I couldn't be any happier after hearing that.

I took a few deep breathes as I tried to pull him closer, without using to much of my strength.

"We don't have to talk about this now." Even though I really want to. "We can just…watch T.V, or something.."

He chuckled at my poor attempt at comforting him with words, in all honesty, I probably would've laughed at it too.

"Just relax Shizu-chan…All that happened so long ago…It's nothing to worry about now. That part of my life is over. I've already moved on."

Well if that isn't the biggest lie I've ever heard. What about what's going on _now?_

"Bullshit." I stated simply. "Stop trying to lie to me Izaya, it didn't work before, and it's not going to work now." So much for watching T.V.

I waited for his next response, and after a few minutes of silence I knew I had said the wrong combination of words to try to get him to open up to me.

"If that part of your life is over Izaya…" I said in the most comforting voice I could muster, trying to redeem myself. " Then what about your life _now?_ How do you think things will end with that disgusting-!…Your _uncle_…if things keep going as they are?"

The hand he held on my chest tightened visibly, but he kept silent, not even looking at me as I spoke.

"Izaya…" I said softly. "Why are you letting him do this? What are you accomplishing by doing this? I cant stand to see those bruises on your face…This is domestic violence, why don't you just-"

"**SHUT UP SHIZUO!" **

I jumped at the sudden yell, shutting my mouth as he slowly lifted his head to look at me. Anger. That was the first emotion I was able to identify on his face. His eyebrows pointed downwards and his expression had contorted into a resentful scowl. His eyes though, they were filled with nothing but misery. His irises ,once a vibrant red, had dulled almost to the color of rust, swimming with the pain and sadness he's been forced to endure.

How? How could I have said those things? How could I have thought that I was _helping?_ What's wrong with me? Why can't I ever just keep my mouth shut?

"You…" He started quietly. "You don't understand anything…even if I were to explain it a million times, you would never understand. I don't need _help_ Shizuo. I don't need to be saved. You can't just come in and hit a few people to make everything all better, that's not how things work. There is _nothing _you can do, accept shut up and wait for all of this to blow over. I only have three weeks left, Shizuo, just three weeks. Then he'll be gone. Forever. So please, _please,_ try to keep yourself under control until then."

Just like he says, I don't understand anything. This is domestic abuse! Isn't this against the law or something? Can't we just walk into a police station and show them all your bruise's and get that mother fucker arrested!

Why am I even here? In what way am I helping him exactly? I'm so _useless_, why would he want me to stay with him?

As if reading my mind, he sat up a little more, placing his hand on the side of my face, caressing it gently.

"Just support me a little, okay? It's nice to know that at least _somebody _out there actually cares about what happens to me. Just stay with me a little while longer, keep acting so sweet to me, and I promise I wont bother you anymore after this." He smiled almost sadly as he finished his sentence.

I scoffed, a little more harshly than I had originally intended to. He looked at me with a mixture of surprise and hurt, making me wince slightly.

"Who said I wanted you to stop bothering me once this is all over?" I said playfully, smiling when I saw a mischievous smirk spread across his face.

"Shizu-chan's such a masochist~" He chirped happily, breaking most of the tension in the room.

I wrapped my arms around his waist affectionately, pulling his body to the side so he sat in front of me, officially sitting on my lap. And no, I have no problems with this.

"So Shizu-chan will stick around for a while?" He said wrapping his fore arms around my neck.

I chuckled, looking into his eyes that seemed to be brightening up once more.

"Yeah. But if I see that bastard I'll kill him."

He winced as I mention him again, looking very displeased with me.

"I thought we already talked about this.." He said pouting slightly.

I just thought he looked even cuter….I called him cute again…Whatever, I stand by it.

"_Tch,_ yeah well-"

"_**HOLY HELL!**_!"

We both whipped our heads to the side at the sudden shout, and to Izaya's utter horror, there standing frozen by the doorway, stood Mairu and Kururi.

If it weren't for the fact that I had Izaya sitting on my lap with my arms around his waist, I'd probably be laughing at the sight of him gaping and embarrassed. But as I said before, I have Izaya, sitting on my lap, with my arm around his waist, in a very suggestive looking way. So I kept my mouth shut.

I feel bad for Mairu and Kururi. What an awkward moment for them.

"Th-This isn't what it looks like!" He shouted embarrassedly, quickly pushing himself up and off of me.

Mairu just stood there, her jaw practically touching the floor, as Izaya fumbled over his words. Good luck explaining this one.

**Izaya's POV:**

"So let me get this straight." Mairu started angrily. "Shizuo-san came over."

"Yep." I stated nonchalantly.

"You cried."

"…more or less." I never _specifically _said that I cried.

"He _comforted you._"

"Correct." As if that's out of the ordinary now.

"Ratted me out."

"Uh-huh." I couldn't help but smile at this.

"You cried again."

"…" Again, didn't actually say that.

"You were sitting on his lap in a 'friendly way'."

"That's right." I have nothing to say here.

"And that's when we came in."

"Right again." Do you want a cookie as a reward?

Mairu looked at me as if I had just lost my mind, (Hadn't I already done that?), before looking over towards Shizu-chan skeptically.

"Anything you want to add?" She asked irritated.

He shook his head embarrassedly. This is not the most comfortable moment in my life, and I don't blame her for thinking that I'm lying. Although mostly true, I'm not going to give her anymore details than that, because she _really_ doesn't need to know.

"I don't understand! How did you end up sitting on his lap! What the hell! And you're acting like it's completely normal!…wait…" She said, as if suddenly coming into realization of…something that will probably inconvenience me.

"Are you two…" She trailed off, looking almost horrified.

"In love." Kururi stated simply.

Shizu-chan lurched forward, the action being rather alarming, as he stared at them, looking absolutely appalled at the idea. Well excuse me Shizu-chan. You didn't seem to opposed by it a few seconds ago now did you?

"Sorry to break it to you girls, but no, Shizu-chan and I have no such relationship." I cant help but feel a little sad with that.

I covered up whatever may be seen as a weakness and smiled warmly at them. "We're just friends."

Mairu's eyes widened comically at the simple statement. Heh, I suppose it's still pretty surprising, considering how we _used _(used being the keyword here) to act toward one another.

"S-so…why is Shizuo-san here then?" She asked hesitantly.

"Why?" I said as if it were obvious. "Because Shizu-chan's going to have another sleep over, doesn't that sound fun~?"

Shizu-chan scowled me very…well, in a very _non_-threatening sort of way.

"When you say it like, it just sounds creepy." He said fidgeting on his spot on the couch.

"Silly Shizu-chan, you know I have nothing but the best intentions." I said smiling at him brightly.

I've been doing that a lot more recently. Not that before my smile was fake, but I've never really smiled for anyone before. Not actually smile. It's not so bad I guess, smiling for Shizu-chan, that is.

Heh, I never realized I was this effeminate.

"UUGH!" Mairu cried dramatically, falling backwards to lay on the couch. "I don't get any of this! When did you guys become so 'friendly' in the first place? Kuru-nee and I weren't gone for _that_ long, were we?"

I chuckled humorously at her childish antics. If I knew the answer to that Mairu, everything would make a lot more sense to the both of us.

"I think its about time you two went to bed." I said, choosing to ignore her.

"…sleepy…" Kururi said nodding her head in agreement.

"You guys have school tomorrow and I don't want you being late, so go." Yes, I actually do care about their schooling.

"There's no way I can go to sleep knowing that you and Shizuo-san are going to be alone together in your room all night!" Mairu yelled bluntly.

H-Holy crap! Whoever said Shizu-chan was going to be sleeping in my room with me!

"Mairu, it's not like that!" Shizuo yelled embarrassedly, fisting his hands into the fabric of the couch.

He's going to destroy my couch!

"Shizu-chan will be sleeping _out here_ Mairu! Don't even make jokes like that!" I chuckled nervously. Trying like hell to stop my heart from beating so fast.

Sure, I've been cuddling with Shizu-chan on regular basis recently, but never in bed! That's over stepping boundaries a bit, don't you think? I may love him, but he doesn't feel the same for me, and even if he did snuggling up to him in bed would just be embarrassing!

Mairu narrowed her eyes accusingly at me as Kururi stood up and walked out of the room.

"Fine. But I had better not hear anything fishy going on down here, got it?" She snapped, before following after her sister.

Since when did Mairu become my mother?…scratch that. Since when did I tolerate her acting as if she were above me?

"I-Izaya…" Shizuo started nervously.

"Yes Shizu-chan?"

"I swear I wont try anything like that." He said locking his gaze with mine.

_PFFFFT! _What! Shizu-chan, that's the funniest thing you've said all night!…..Why does he have to reassure me?

"Ha-ha! I figured that much out on my own Shizu-chan! You shouldn't take what Mairu says so seriously!" I really couldn't help but laugh at him.

Even as his cheeks turned a bright red and he tried (really, _really _tried) to make an angry face at me, I couldn't stop myself from laughing. That was just too good.

"T-Ten points Shizu-chan." I said chuckling as my laughing began to die down.

"Would you stop with the points thing? I don't even know what it's for…" He said quietly. His face turning an even deeper shade of red.

They're 'how lovable Shizu-chan can be' points of course.

I think that's the cutest I've ever seen Shizu-chan look. Then again, I don't think I've ever seen him look cute before. Whatever.

"All joking aside, Izaya…" Shizuo said in a serious voice. "I still want to talk about what's been happening here. We kind of got…distracted earlier."

…Leave it to Shizu-chan to ruin the moment.

"Sure thing Shizu-chan." I said kind of bitterly as I stood up from my seat.

He looked up at me quickly, his eyebrows furrowing slightly, as he watched me go. I walked past him as quickly as possible, not even glancing back at him, as I stormed up the stairs. I shouted a quick good night before I slammed the door. Hard. I didn't really mean to express that much attitude, but I didn't want to get into another one of those 'I cry and Shizu-chan comforts me' sort of things. I've had enough of those tonight and it's embarrassing.

I really am grateful to Shizu-chan. More than I ever thought I would be. Even when his so called 'help' gets a little on the annoying side, he's always nice company to have.

…

I truly wish he'd just let all of this go. He just doesn't understand, there's nothing he can do. He doesn't _need_ to do anything. I can take this, I can put up with it for just at little while longer, but if he keeps trying to interfere….Nothing good will come of it. I'll lose the twins, hell, Seikyou-san would probably have Shizu-chan arrested if he were to try anything. I…I cant let that happen. Kind of hypocritical isn't it? Aren't I the one who had him arrested a couple years ago? Now I'm the one trying to make sure he _doesn't _get himself thrown in prison. There must be something seriously wrong with me.

Choosing not to think about it anymore, since it was seriously starting to depress me, I turned off the lights and practically threw myself into bed. I closed my eyes once, twice, and then…

I went to sleep.

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**I'm not even going into detail about how much I hated writing this chapter. I'm pretty sure it shows though. Whatever, I'll try to express no self hate today because….I've finally hit 20 chapters! XD And not only that, but I've gotten over 100 reviews! I'M SO HAPPY! Thank you so much to all of my kind readers! I love you all! This is also my longest chapter yet! Hurray! XD I'm also super excited about writing the next chapter. ;D It involves a whole lot of Izaya abuse, Heh heh heh~ Does that make me sound evil? **

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 20! XD**


	21. Nightmare

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

_Just so everyone knows, the entire chapter takes place in Izaya's dream. :P So yeah. Enjoy._

* * *

**Izaya's POV:**

_Cold._

_So, so cold._

_Where am I?_

_How did I get here?_

_Why_

_am_

_I_

_here?_

_Alone._

_I'm alone._

_No._

_No._

_No._

_NO!_

_It's dark…I'm scared…Help…Someone help!…Save me…Please… I don't want… to be alone. Some…one… please… Anyone…It hurts…hurts so much…Why?_

_…_

_…Mom…?_

_I'm scared…mom…help…please…don't hate me…not my fault…love…mom…please…I love you…mom…_

_S_

_C_

_A_

_R_

_E_

_D_

_So Scared._

_"You're Filthy."_

_Mom…_

_"Disgusting."_

_Why?_

_"I hate you."_

_So sorry…_

_"Just die."_

_Please no mom…_

_"JUST DIE!"_

_NO!_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_…_

_…_

_…mom…?_

_Where did you go?_

_Why did you leave?_

_"It's your fault."_

_My fault._

_"You killed her."_

_Me?_

_"She hung herself."_

_"Suicide."_

_"Because of you."_

_"What about me?"_

_"Will you kill me too?"_

_"Do it."_

_Seikyou-san?_

_"I dare you."_

_No…_

_"Kill me too."_

_No please…_

_"Do it."_

_Kill…_

_"Do it."_

_Kill…you?_

_"Come on."_

_Yes…_

_I want you to die. I want to kill you. Not my fault. Your fault your fault YOUR FAULT! Because of you…_

_…not me…_

_You should die…I want to kill you. _

_"Do it."_

_It'll all be ok. No more sadness. They wont be sad…I wont be sad…_

_I WANT YOU TO **DIE!**_

_Kill you…_

_Strangle…_

_I'll kill you._

_Wrap my hand's around your throat…_

_Suffocate…die…_

**_"Do it."_**

_I'll kill you!_

_"…!"_

_That's right…don't make a sound…die…just die…I can feel it…no more air…you can't breathe…hurry up!…Hurry up and die! …Disappear…I hate your existence…I just want you dead…_

_Hurts…crushing your wind pipe…_

_"…Izaya…"_

_What…?_

_"…I-Izaya…!"_

_Stop saying that…_

_"…S-Stop…Izaya…"_

_Stop talking!_

_"…s-stop…"_

_JUST HURRY UP AND DIE!_

_"I-Izaya!"_

_SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!_

_"…I…"_

_Shut up…_

_"…za…"_

_Stop it…_

_"…ya…"_

_Stop saying my name…My name…?…Is that…my name…?_

_Orihara Izaya Orihara Izaya Orihara Izaya Orihara Izaya Orihara Izaya Orihara Izaya Orihara Izaya Orihara Izaya Orihara Izaya Orihara Izaya Orihara Izaya Orihara Izaya_

_Orihara…Izaya…Ori…hara…I…za…ya…_

_Izaya._

_"Izaya…"_

_…Izaya…_

_"I-Izaya!"_

_So loud…_

_"Wake up!"_

_Wake…up…?_

_"Izaya…!"_

_…wake…up…_

**"IZAYA!"**

I gasped loudly as someone screamed my name.

What's…going on? Where am I?

"Iza-nii! STOP!" Shrill voices came screaming from behind me.

Mairu and…Kururi?

"…I-Izaya…ugh…"

There's something under me. What is it?

As my vision began to clear, something beneath me jerked up, hands clamped down onto my fore arms as muffled shouts came from the top of the stairs.

Wait…stairs? Wasn't I in my room? How did I get down here? Why are the twins screaming like that? What are they saying? I can't…hear…I cant move my arms…They hurt. What's going on?

"I-Izaya!" Whatever seemed to be sitting underneath me began coughing and hacking violently, but I still cant see.

It's too dark. My hands…squeezing too hard…what is it? I feel scared…Shizu-chan… Where's Shizu-chan?

And just like that it hit me.

My vision cleared completely as I bolted up off the couch, Mairu and Kururi running to my side and grabbing both of my arms.

My arms fell limp to my sides as he sat up, caressing his throat gently as fresh air began flooding into his screaming lungs. Through clouded eyes, he looked up at me, small coughs escaping his mouth as he panted loudly.

"…why…?" Was all he said as he stared me down. Confused, hurt, and angry.

His eyes wanted answer's, answer's that I didn't know myself. My chest tightened in pain as the full realization settled within me.

I just tried to kill Shizu-chan.

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**Ha-Ha! Confusing wasn't it? I was trying a different kind of writing for this chapter since it was the chapter of Izaya's nightmare. O.o Anyway, I tried writing my weird dream sequence chapter differently. Does it work? I know a lot of people dont like the centered writing, but i promise it's just for this chapter. I don't think I'm ever going to be doing it again, because this was a pain in the ass. I just wanted to experiment a little. :/ Anyway, this was a super short chapter! **

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 21!**


	22. Why

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

_Just so you guys aren't confused, this chapter begins where chapter 20 left off. So this is Shizuo's POV as Izaya has his nightmare._

* * *

**Shizuo's POV:**

What did I do now? Here's Izaya and his fucking mood swing shit again. I said I'd stay with him anyway but shit, really?

I said I wanted to know more about his situation, he already knew that, so why did he get so mad? He stormed off like I had insulted him. Should I go apologize? He's…probably sleeping right now. He'd just get even angrier with me.

I sighed as I shifted on the couch, turning to lay on my back and stare up at the dark ceiling, the only source of light coming from the large window by his desk.

Crap.

Just when I thought our relationship was improving….A friendly relationship of course…..

Can't he just choose one personality and go with it for a day? Damn it, what the hell am I blaming him for? It must've been something I did! Stupid Shizuo not everything is Izaya's fault! Get that through your thick head!

….

Am I really lecturing myself?

"Damn it…" I muttered lowly, glancing at the clock.

Its been over a fucking hour, I'm tired as hell, but I cant fucking sleep!

I groaned as I sat up, just to lay back down in a different position, my movements being the only noise in the otherwise silent apartment.

I just cant get comfortable.

I don't think I've ever been this angry. Hell, I don't think I've ever been able to control my rage for this long either. Every time I think of that man, my blood boils. I just don't understand…He's Izaya's family. His uncle. Why would he ever hurt Izaya like his? And his mother…I just don't get it. Aren't parents supposed to love their kids no matter what? What happened when Izaya was born that would make her hate him so much? And whatever it was, what right does his uncle have to treat him like the dirt beneath his feet now? Not to mention his father, who supposedly 'loved' him. What the hell? If you love your kids why would you let someone abuse and neglect them? It makes no sense! Damn it, why? Why _Izaya?_

A loud creaking came from the upper story of Izaya's apartment. Is Izaya still up? Or maybe the twins? A tallish figure came walking slowly down the stairs. As I tried to adjust my eyes to the dark lighting, the figure came to stand beside me. Izaya?

"…I want you to die…"

…What?

"Izaya? I didn't know you were still up. What did you say?" I asked softly. "Are you alright? Did something happen?"

He took a shaky step forward, not responding to any of my questions.

Is it just me or is this whole situation creepy as fuck?

"Izaya?" I tried again.

Nothing.

"Ha-Ha…Izaya cut it out, this isn't funny." I said half jokingly, cause holy hell, he's creeping me out.

"It's your fault." He said placing his knee next to my leg on the sofa.

"What?" I asked confused.

I definitely heard him right that time.

"…I'll kill you…" he said lifting his other leg, officially straddling me waist.

"H-Hey Izaya…this is sort of a weird position isn't it? Ha ha…If you need something you can just tell me…" He wants to kill me?

"You should die!" He yelled, wrapping his hands around my throat.

H-Holy fuck! Izaya!

"….!" I tried to make a noise, but nothing came out.

Sh-shit…I can't…breathe….need to throw him off.

I placed my hands on his arms, squeezing slightly, fully intending to throw him off, before I stopped myself.

I cant do it. I just cant. I'm stronger than him, if I even tried….I'd hut him. Bad. I cant do it. I cant.

"Just…die…" He said quietly, his hands tightening around my throat.

Leaving my hands on his arms, I slowly began gasping for breathe, trying to take in as much air as I could.

"I-Izaya…" I mumbled.

His hands tensed as he squeezed tighter.

D-Damn it…I-Izaya…What are you doing? Why…Why are you doing this? I-I thought that…I thought…

Any coherent thought in my head disappeared as my eyesight started to blur. Tightening my grip on his arms I took another large gasp for air.

"…S-Stop…Izaya…" I tried again.

For the second time my voice didn't seem to reach him, and just when I was about to try and throw him off of me once more, I stopped myself. Because Izaya, was crying. All at once tears began to well up in his beautiful eyes, and began falling onto my chest.

"Stop talking!" He yelled through his tears.

Stop talking? Does that mean he can hear me?

"Izaya!" I shouted his name with whatever was left of my voice.

"JUST HURRY UP AND DIE!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.

"…stop…." I mumbled as my vision slowly began turning black.

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" He screamed over my small voice, more tears falling from his eyes.

"..I…za…ya…." I gasped out, releasing my grip on his arms.

"Stop saying my name…" he mumbled quietly.

His eyes suddenly widened, his expression turning to one of shock as he stared at me.

"Izaya…" I choked as I spoke. "I-Izaya!"

"So loud…" He said closing his eyes.

"Wake up!" I shouted desperately.

He opened his eyes once more staring into my eyes with a rather serene look on his face.

"Izaya…!"

Come one Izaya! Stop!

His arms started shaking as his tears slowly came to a halt. One last time, I have to try one last time before I…

"**IZAYA!"**

He suddenly gasped loudly, looking from side to side as if he didn't know where he was.

"IZA-NII!" Mairu screamed as she and Kururi came running down the stairs.

I jerked around a couple times to get his attention, his grip on my throat relaxing a little, giving me enough air to talk. I grabbed his arms once again as I inhaled a large amount of air.

"I-Izaya!" Not as powerful as I would've hoped.

I coughed a few times as his hands released me completely. He sat up off of the couch quickly staring at me looking absolutely horrified.

I sat up, touching my throat lightly as fresh air filled my lungs. Through my blurry vision, I tried to look at him. Why do you look like that? I don't…get it. Izaya, you still want to kill me? After all we've been through, you still want to end my life? Damn it…why did I let myself fall for this crap? An abusive uncle? Please. Was this just some trick to get me to feel sorry for him? Is that all he wants?

"….Why…?" I said in a hurt tone, still gasping for air.

Izaya….Izaya! Damn it, Why? Why would you do all this? Just to play a trick on me? Just to hurt me? Damn it I cared about you. I still do…

Izaya…why?

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**Aren't I just the worst? :P Sorry guys, but it's important for the story, so for the time being, Shizuo is going to be angry with Izaya. I'm sorry if the editing isnt that great. I havent been feeling well lately and i cant really tell if everythings right or not. I don't really have a lot to say right now so I suppose I can just end this, but not before saying thank you to Fresco di Mastio for sending me all of those Izaya songs! XD I kept listening to From Y to Y, Celluloid, Eternity, and Love while writing this chapter, and I enjoyed every minute of it, so thank you!**

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 22!**


	23. Gone

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_#1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_#2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

* * *

**Izaya's POV:**

What's happening to me? What have I done? Shizu-chan….Shizu-chan!

He hasn't looked this angry in a long time. It feels like its been such a long time since he's looked at me this way. An angry scowl plastered across his face as he glares at me, just like he used to do. But it…it feels wrong! Shizu-chan…I hate that face. I want you to look at me…I want to see you smile at me again…but now, I've even managed to screw that up.

"Shizu-chan…I…" I stammered.

I don't even know what I can say. 'Sorry for trying to kill you Shizu-chan, it was a total accident!' Sound very believable? The answer is, no.

"Is that all you have to say?" He said in a dark voice.

"I-I…I…" My voice just got smaller and smaller as I tried to speak.

"Iza-nii…" Mairu said, turning our attention towards her. "Why…h-how could you? T-to Shizuo-san…"

She looked absolutely horrified as she sat beside me on the floor, Kururi wearing a similar expression.

No…its not like that. I wasn't trying to kill him! I thought that…I thought that he was…!

Seikyou-san.

It always goes back to him. I shouldn't complain, I have no right to, and for the longest time I've been able to put up with this, always being able to keep my emotions in check. But now…that dream. I've had nightmares before sure. My mother appears in my dreams many times, but never Seikyou-san, and not once have I ever dreamed of killing him. The thought had never crossed my mind.

Is this, because of Shizu-chan? I know…that he hates him, and pretty much says he wants to kill him every five seconds, but Shizu-chan would never really kill him, or anyone for that matter. He's too good of a person for that.

"Well!" Shizuo shouted, snapping my attention back to him. "You have nothing to even say to me? After all of this, you still want me dead, huh? I guess something's will never change."

What?

"All this time, is this what you really wanted?" He sneered nastily.

No…no that's not it.

"Is this your idea of a fucking joke? Just to get me to care for you!"

Shizu-chan…please, no.

"_Tch_, ya'know what? I don't think I ever did care about you. I just felt _sorry_ for you."

…is that true?

"You're just so pathetic, all you want is peoples sympathy, is it another way for you to get your sick kicks off of observing people? You're disgusting."

"Sh-Shizuo-san, don't say such things, you know that's not true…" Mairu said cutting in.

"Bullshit." he said standing up.

"Shizuo-san!" Kururi called as he walked away.

"Where are you going!" Mairu finished.

"Home." He stated simply. "I've had enough of this, if you want pity Izaya, find someone else."

And just like that he left. Gone. He…left me. What he said…its all the truth isn't it? He didn't care about me…he just pitied me? Pity…is that what I wanted? For people to pity me? No…it cant be…that's not what I want! But…but then I…

'_You're disgusting.' _

His words echoed inside my head, over and over again.

He hates me. He still hates me, even though I…I love him. He's right. I'm disgusting. A pitiful parasite waiting for its next victim to latch onto. Is that all I wanted Shizu-chan for? He was my source of comfort, my one escape from the life that I had made for myself. Everything he said about me is true.

"Iza-nii…" Mairu started. "Are you okay? Why…why did you do that to Shizuo-san?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't answer. So I sat there, trying to ignore the pain in my chest and the trembling in my arms and legs.

Mairu's face softened as she touched my shoulder, Kururi following her actions.

"Shizuo-san didn't mean any of that Iza-nii. He was just angry. I'm sure he'll come back soon and you two can talk everything out." She said soothingly.

No, Mairu. You're wrong. Shizu-chan isn't coming back this time.

Not…ever…

How weird. I cant feel anything. And I cant…see….

"Iza-nii!" That was the last thing I heard the girls say before I blacked out.

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**I'm so sorry for the short chapter! And I know it's not exactly my best written one either. I'm really sick and I wanted to try and update now because I wont be able to again for awhile. I'll spare you the details and just say I'm REALLY sick. ****(´o´)****That and the fact that FF has been seriously fucking up on me lately. Here's a bit of good news though! I was asked a while ago how Shinra knew about Izaya's family situation, I said that I'd explain it soon, and I never got the chance. Well, the next chapter is going to be from Shinra's POV and its all going to be explained! XD I've never written from Shinra's point of view before so please bare with me if its not that great. :/ Anyhow, has been really messing up for me recently. This is the only knew chapter of anythign that i could get on. Sad...**

**Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 23!**


	24. Back

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

_HURRAY for an entire chapter for Shinra!_

* * *

**Shinra's POV:**

"I-Is Iza-nii going to be alright?" Mairu asked, sitting next to Kururi.

"Well…" I said, scratching the back of my head, trying to come up with an answer that wouldn't make them cry. I don't like making kids cry. I don't imagine that anyone would.

"Physically…at least…" I said with a weak smile.

This only seemed to upset them more.

"C-Come on now you two! Cheer up! Izaya's tough, he'll be okay!" Probably should have said this in the first place.

They looked at me skeptically before turning their attention back to Izaya's unconscious form. Neither of them has explained just how he _got_ this way, but I think I can guess.

The one thing that has been bugging me though, is Shizuo. I'm not stupid; from the very beginning I could tell that he cared a lot for Izaya, even if he himself couldn't see it, his growing interest on Izaya whereabouts said it all.

I never called him on it, why I'm not quite sure myself, maybe the stress just ripped away any sense of humor I had right out of my body.

I always had a feeling that Shizuo's so called 'hate' would either transform itself into something more, or was never hate at all. I had told Shizuo about Izaya's uncle, expecting the worst to happen, and after he had asked Celty to track him down for him, it just seemed to confirm my fears. But not once since the twins came here has Shizuo been mentioned at all, and they don't seem to want to talk about what happened to Izaya just yet either. Which just leaves me to wonder…if Shizuo had anything to do with this?

'_Shinra?' _Came the flash of a screen in front of my face, nearly giving me a heart attack.

"Celty!" I chirped happily. "You're back! Who was work? Did anything good happen?"

She retracted her hand, vigorously typing her next message, before shoving it in my face again.

'_How's Izaya? You haven't told me anything about his condition since he got here earlier.'_

Oh, Celty, so quick to brush aside all of my questions.

"He should be fine." I said shrugging slightly.

She tilted her empty helmet to the side before showing me her next message.

'_What's wrong with him anyway? I mean besides…'_

I chuckled awkwardly. I really don't like talking about this stuff.

"Well, I'd say it was probably the rather large amounts of stress that he has to put up with daily, over-exhaustion, and slight fatigue that caused him to fall unconscious. However, Mairu and Kururi disagree with me."

With having to see her non-existent face I can tell she's confused.

'_Why?'_ She asked questioningly.

"They wouldn't tell me." I said simply, taking a seat on the couch.

She sat beside me instantly and already began typing a new message.

'_That's strange…' _

I chuckled lightly, already regretting what I was about to say.

"I think it has something to do with Shizuo."

She turned to me; I imagine if she had a face, her expression would be one of surprise.

' _? '_

After I kept silent for a few minutes she typed another message, waving her hand in front of my face as if to get my attention.

'_Why Shizuo?'_

"Well for one, not once have I ever seen Izaya pass out, unless he had been forcibly knocked into such a state." I sighed once before continuing, running my hand through my hair. "I mean this in no offense to Shizuo, but ever since he became involved in this situation, Izaya seems to be getting worse. Physically and mentally. It may be hard for other people to see but…it almost painfully obvious to me. It's not like Izaya to faint, and honestly, the exhaustion and fatigue may have been a part of the cause, but judging by some of the symptoms, it seems a lot more like a small case of mental shock."

'_Shinra.'_

Celty practically slammed to small device into my face.

'_I don't understand any of that. You talk to fast.'_

I really couldn't help but chuckle at this.

"Izaya is over tired and mentally stressed out and I think it's because of Shizuo-kun's meddling." I said, simplifying my long explanation.

'_But Shizuo's just trying to help him. He really cares about Izaya Shinra.'_

I sighed, I wasn't quite sure Celty would approve of my accusation, but I had to keep going with it.

"But Izaya has been handling this for over twenty three years, Celty. As odd as it sounds, he knows how to deal with all of this, and the last thing he wants from anybody is help. I'm not saying I understand Izaya, I'm just speaking from personal experiences…"

'_Shinra…'_

Celty took my hand in hers, giving it a small squeeze.

It may sound heartless, or cruel, but honestly the last thing I want to do is get involved in this situation again.

'_I'm sorry Shinra…'_ Celty typed out slowly, hanging her (head?).

"You don't need to apologize Celty, it's not like I don't think about it daily anyway."

That day, was the single most depressing day of my life. Saying that makes me sound selfish, but I'm just say what's true. Not one day goes by that I don't regret what had happened back then.

(page break)

I can remember it like it was yesterday. Such a cliché line, isn't it? When I first heard from the twins that Orihara Seikyou was coming to battle Izaya for custody, I wanted nothing more than to go on a Shizuo sized rampage. I mean, really? After all these years he suddenly shows up and demands ownership of the twins as if they were objects! Honestly, I was surprised Izaya fought against him, He's always been terrified of that man. Strange isn't it? Orihara Izaya, one of the most feared individuals in all of Tokyo, deathly afraid of lowlife has been with a rundown no good life style.

What surprised me even more is that he _won._ Well, partially. I didn't know about their little 'deal' until about two weeks after the custody battle. I aloud myself to fall into a false sense of security, thinking Izaya was going to be alright, just to go waltzing into his apartment on night to find him huddled under his desk covered from head to toe in cuts and bruises, uttering soft apologies and begging to be forgiven.

Seeing it made me think of our high school days, and the first day I actually noticed the abnormal amount of bruises littering his face. At first I brushed it off as nothing, 'Izaya gets into fights all the time, it's nothing new.', that is what I told myself. At the time I thought that most of them were from Shizuo, that theory being completely blown out of the water after Shizuo had stayed home from school for a week due to stomach flew (who knew, right?). The first day of his absence, Izaya just looked like, well, Izaya. The second day was a bit odd. He had a couple bruises here and there, nothing to serious, but that wasn't what bothered me so much. Izaya's personality was completely different. No one else really seemed to notice, either that or they just didn't care. To put it simply he was just sort of mellow. His eyes weren't as bright I guess you could say. He would just sit in class quietly, doing work or simply reading. It wasn't right. The third day had me worrying. Izaya walked into class with a black and split lip, not to mention all the bruises from the previous day, the very sight of him silenced the entire class and strode in the way he normally did. At that point Kadota had noticed too, but in true Kadota fashion, he simply went with his 'it doesn't concern me' attitude and went on with his day normally, sneaky a few sideways glances at Izaya every now and then. By the fourth day, everything was a mess. Izaya had completely retreated into himself, similarly to what he's doing now. He sat at his desk motionlessly, not even responding me when I spoke to him, and it seemed that bruise count had just increased.

And by the fifth day, all hell had broken loose. Izaya had been called into the school guidance counselors room, along with the our home room teacher and the principle, I'm not sure what happened in their, but I do know that they had to call an ambulance to restrain Izaya.

Day six, Izaya was gone, I don't know where, but he was just gone. What really disgusted me, was how little people seemed to care. Don't get me wrong, Izaya will always and forever be an asshole, but he's still my friend. That was the day that I had invited myself over to his house. I had only ever been there once in the past. Walking home with him once in middle school. On the outside it seemed normal enough, I remember feeling scared, that I couldn't quite place why but that something about that place was wrong. I stood in front of the front door, reaching my hand out, ready to knock on the door before a loud crashing came from the other side. Then, all I could hear was screaming. A woman, whom I had assumed at the time to be his mother (which was proven right), I couldn't understand what she was saying. It all sounded harsh and filled with hate. Occasionally I would hear the curses that seamed to stream from her mouth endlessly.

'Devil!'

'Demon!'

'Insect!'

I was left speechless. I could hear the crying of children, who I immediately recognized as Mairu and Kururi, and the pleading of his father. Begging his mother to calm down before she…The next part made my heart stop. He pleaded with her to stop before she killed their son. It just made her even angrier, screaming about 'how dare you call this thing my son! Its not my child!', I could hear sobbing. Small, quiet, delicate sobs. Too quite high enough to be his father, and deep enough to be his sisters or mother. It was Izaya himself. Crying. That was the first time I had ever even considered the possibility of Izaya being able to shed tears.

I left. No, I ran. All the way home, scared out of my mind. That night, I ignored both my father, and Celty for that matter, locked my bedroom door, curled up and cried. Because that night, I was so scared that Izaya was going to die.

Day seven, I was late for school, for the first time ever I might add. I hardly got any sleep and had considered just staying home that day, however, if I had, Celty would have been able to pry the information out of me. It made me feel bad, worrying Celty so much, but I absolutely could not tell her. What would she think of me or abandoning my friend to his possible demise? Again, it sounds so selfish of me, but I have no reason to lie about these things.

Sitting in class, everything seemed the same, Kadota was reading his book, all the girls were talking very loudly about how so-and-so was so hot, and the guys, vice versa. The one thing lacking, Izaya. It left an empty pit forming in my stomach, and I felt like I was going to be sick.

Later that afternoon, as the dismissal bell for lunch sounded through the hallways, Izaya had come walking up to school. He hopped over the fence effortlessly and walked in like it was normal. But it wasn't. At first, I felt relieved, thinking that maybe everything that had happened the day before was some kind of dream, (and yes, I actually did think that) but as I got a closer look at his face, the horrified feeling settled back in. There were bruises on every visible part of his body, along with broken blood vessels underneath his skin, cuts that were so deep it looked as though they had been done with a knife, and an eerie smile plastered across his face as he stood in front of me. His voice,

"_**Shinra."**_

Terrified me.

"_**Lets have a talk, hm?"**_

He told me he knew I had come to his house yesterday, knew that I had heard everything, and then did something I never thought possible for Orihara Izaya. He bowed to me, and begged me to keep it a secret. The odd act had caught me off guard. Izaya had too much pride to bow to anyone, especially me, it was so out of character I had once again considered the possibility me simply wandering into a dream. The pain though, the pain was real. When he looked at me, his eyes full of misery, as he smiled at me with his broken soul. I knew this was real. That was the day that I regret the most, because I made a promise to him that day, and kept it. For all these years I'd kept it hidden. Until that one day, that one_ goddamn _day, when Celty decided she wanted answers. Izaya had been gone for months and even Shizuo had become concerned, so she wanted to know, she had a feeling that I knew something about it. And somehow, that day, I just let it all out.

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**I know I said I wouldn't be able to update for a while, but it seems my computer problems have been resolved. ^^ Hurray for that. Other than that the only reason I got to finish this chapter is because I'm stuck alone at home with my lap top waiting and hoping for my ride to the hospital to get here. Which was suppose to be a day and a half ago. T^T sad. Sorry for any mistakes again. I tried going over it but I'm not sure how well it worked.**

**Anyway, please review! This was my first time writing as Shinra, and personally I don't like it, I didn't get his eccentric goofy personality right at all. But I'd like to hear what you guys think, good or not? **


	25. Shut up

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

* * *

**Izaya's POV:**

Ugh.

I cant remember one time in my life were simple waking up seemed like a chore. I'd rather just stay asleep like this forever.

…those aren't good thoughts, are they? Alright, I'm getting up.

I squinted my eyes shut as soon as I opened them, the abnormally bright lights viciously assaulting my corneas. As I rubbed my eyes in an attempt to soothe the burning sensation, muffled voices came from outside the door.

Two I instantly recognized as Mairu and Kururi and the other was…Shinra?

Wait a minute, where am I? When the hell did I get here? Wasn't I at home with…Shizu-chan…

Thinking about that makes my stomach churn. I tried to strangle someone in my sleep, that's the kind of freaky shit that happens in manga, I mean, I'm not that fucking deranged….never mind.

But Shizu-chan, he…he went easy on me. Even after the whole 'trying to kill you thing' he still stayed in control of his emotions. He didn't throw anything or hit me. Not ONCE. Can you believe it?

Haha…I cant even force myself to laugh.

You have nothing to even say to me? After all of this, you still want me dead, huh? I guess something's will never change.

Oh yeah…Shizu-chan said that, huh?

All this time, is this what you really wanted?

Is it? I don't know. I just don't know…

Is this your idea of a fucking joke! Just to get me to care for you!

No. I really did want you to care. I needed you to care.

Tch, ya'know what? I don't think I ever did care about you. I just felt sorry for you.

That's probably true Shizu-chan. You're just a kind person. Kind enough pity a pathetic person like me. Shizu-chan…if I said I was sorry, would you believe me? Would you forgive me if I said it for the rest of my life?

I'm sorry.

Because I truly am. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry, for everything I've done to you.

Please don't leave me.

"No Shinra you don't understand!" I jumped at Mairu's sudden yell, turning my head to the closed door.

"Well, what am I not understanding? You were at home, and Izaya fainted, right?"

"BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!" Mairu yelled again.

"But that's all you've told me!" Shinra said defensively, I can almost see his expression in my mind.

The look of utter confusion.

Oh Shinra…

An awkward silence fell after that, not lasting very long before an angry groan and a loud bang rang throughout the apartment. I assume Mairu kicked something.

"Hey don't kick that you'll break it!"

Bingo.

"This is all Shizuo-san's fault!" She yelled, followed shortly by another loud bang.

…FUCK…

"Wait a minute…Shizuo? What does he have to do with this?" Shinra asked, genuinely surprised.

"Yelled…" Kururi answered vaguely.

"Yelled?" Shinra asked, confused.

"Yelled!" Mairu confirmed loudly.

"Yelled…" He said again.

"Yelled." Kururi stated.

"Yelled!" and there's Mairu…

Just how long will this go on?

"Alright, alright! He yelled! Anything else?" Shinra groaned impatiently.

"Iza-nii was on his lap!" Mairu hollered in an unnecessarily loud voice.

Shit, Mairu! You don't have to tell him that!

"He was….WHAT?" Was Shinra's stunned reply.

"Hugging." Kururi said blandly.

Oh god…..I knew they'd bring it up eventually, but was now really the best time?

"Wait, wait, wait….Let me get this straight. Shizuo yelled, and then hugged Izaya?" Shinra asked.

He's so stupid.

"No! We came home and he was holding Iza-nii on his lap, and then we went to bed, and then Shizuo-san was yelling at Iza-nii!" Mairu corrected.

Are they purposefully leaving the strangling part out? Cause I think that's important.

"You guys aren't making any sense!" Shinra shouted tiredly. "When did Shizuo go to your house? How did Izaya end up on his LAP? And how did all that lead to him yelling at Izaya? What did he say to him?"

"Well…" Mairu said quietly.

For the love of god Mairu, now would be the **perfect **timeto shut your trap for once. Shinra knows enough, please, **please**just don't say anymore.

"He said…really mean things…"

Damn it.

Shinra sighed. I quietly got out of bed and snuck over to the door, pressing my ear against the cool surface of the wood, listening intently for his response.

"Lets just start from the beginning, alright? When you got home, what did you see?"

"Iza-nii sitting on Shizuo-san's lap."

….

….

"…and after that?" Shinra said, his voice cracking in an almost comical manner. Almost.

"Iza-nii said it wasn't like that and said Shizuo-san was helping him feel better."

"About what?" Shinra asked curiously.

"No idea." Kururi answered back.

"Alright…and after that?"

"Iza-nii told us to go to bed." Mairu answered again.

"And after that?" Shinra was beginning to sound frustrated.

"…."

"…."

They both fell silent, I can only guess trying to come up with some excuse for what I did. There's no point. There is no excuse for hat I've done, it just makes it worse that they're trying to come up with a reason for me.

"Iza-nii…did something bad…" Mairu said quietly.

"…Very…"

Another short silence fell before Shinra responded.

"What...did he do?" He said just as quietly as Mairu.

"He…" Kururi whispered.

Oh shit, they're really going to tell him.

"Well he-"

"**NOTHING!" **I yelled, slamming the door open.

They all three jumped, Shinra almost falling over, as I walked briskly into the room.

"Time to go home." I said grabbing the girls arms before making my way towards the door.

"H-Hold on a minute Izaya!" Shinra stammered, still slightly shocked. "I haven't gotten the chance to examine you yet! You shouldn't be walking around so much! J-Just go lay back down and I'll-!"

"Thanks." I said, cutting him off. "But I'm fine. And I really need to get the girls back home."

"But what happened with Shizuo?" He asked, worry coating his slightly high pitched voice.

"Nothing." I stated loudly. "Nothing happened. Bye Shinra."

And we walked out the door. The girls said nothing as I called a cab, throwing worried glances at me every now and then.

I feel disgusted. Why did I interrupt them? Shinra will find out eventually anyway, either from the twins or Shizuo, so why did I feel the need to hide it? Just so Shinra wont think any less of me than he already does? I'm so pathetic.

We walked into the apartment doors quietly. I turned on the lights as the twins took off they're shoes, setting them neatly by the door.

"Iza-nii?" They said in unison, walking up beside me as I turned on the kitchen lights.

"Hm?" I tried to sound normal, it didn't work.

I couldn't really speak, my whole body was shaking and my voice cracked slightly as I answered them.

How long was I like that? I don't know. Have I been shaking like this all the way here?

"Why did you do that to Shizuo-san?" Mairu sniffled behind me.

I opened my mouth slowly, almost choking as I spoke.

"I…I don't know…I just…"

Mairu began sobbing loudly as Kururi curled her fingers through mine, linking are hands together as she pulled me closer to them.

That night, the three of us cried together.

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**Hey there! Its been a while huh? :P Well I'm back peoples! XD WAHAHAHAHA! I'm almost all better too, just got to stay inside and not move. Luckily for me I have a lap top! Which does not require me to sit up straight while I use it. Hurray! Anyway, sorry if this chapter seemed kind of forced, or rushed. I guess I'm kinda in a slump, so it's not written as well as my other ones. :,( Sorry…Anyway, I'm trying to update all of my stories so I have a lot of work to do! **

**Any and All reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading chapter 25!**


	26. Idiot

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

* * *

**Shizuo's POV:**

It's been three days, sixteen hours, twenty three minutes, and fourteen seconds since the last time I saw Izaya. But who's counting?

And just like every night for the last three days, here I am, sitting on my couch with my phone in hand, fighting an inner war with myself on what I should do.

Do I call him?

Apologize?

Go visit?

And then my brain starts thinking logically for once.

Do NOT call him.

I have nothing to apologize for.

And like hell am I going to see him after what happened.

Then my brain decides to push logic off a cliff, laugh like hell, and the cycle starts over.

Fucking shit in a bucket, I don't know what I'm suppose to do! What the hell happened back then? Why did he do that? Has he really just lost his mind or…or does he still hate me? But why? For the past few months I've done nothing but worry about him. Doing everything I could to help and comfort him, so how did it come to this? What did I do _wrong_? But then, why am I the only one to blame? Why am I at fault? What about him? He isn't innocent in this. He's the one who dragged me into this, shouldn't it be his fault that this is happening at all? Shouldn't _he_ be accepting the blame?

I sighed heavily as I slumped back against the couch, switching on the TV to try and drown out my thoughts, as the phone vibrated softly in my hand. And then again. And again…

Who the fuck is texting me this late at night?

I flipped the phone open, my jaw almost dropping to the floor upon seeing the sender of the texts. It was Izaya.

Fuck really? Why the hell is he even trying to speak to me? He's not that stupid is he?

…

I read the first text.

'_Shizu-chan please talk to me.'_

And then second.

'_Shizu-chan please answer me I can explain everything.'_

And then third.

'_I'm sorry Shizuo please don't leave me alone.'_

Damn it, I shouldn't be the one feeling _guilty _here. How the hell should I respond to something like that? He said he's…sorry? That he can explain? What is there to explain? He fucking lost his mind and tried to kill me, that's pretty much it. After all this he still wants to kill me. But then….why would he apologize? If he truly intended to kill me, he wouldn't feel guilty about it, that's for sure.

…Actually thinking about it, if he wanted to kill me he wouldn't have tried to _strangle_ me, he would've known I'd be able to throw him off of me in a second (I didn't, but still).

Izaya is smarter than that, he would've tried to slit my throat or something if he was really wanted me dead. But that just doesn't make sense. Why try to strangle me if he wasn't trying to kill me?

'_Please don't leave me alone'_

Those words replay in my head over and over. I…I don't know what I'm suppose to do….Just a few seconds ago I was pissed as all hell that he would do such a thing, and now….Should I call him? No I…I cant do that. I wouldn't know what to say. Text him back? _Tch,_ then I'm left with the same problem. How is he able to affect me this way? Pissing me off to the point of want to _kill _him, and then making me feeling like the lowest piece of shit on earth by acting so innocent and frail.

I just keep asking myself.

Why?

Why did he do it?

Why does he hate me?

Why don't I hate him?

Why is this my fault?

Why isn't it his fault?

Why did I leave?

Why didn't I try to hear him out?

Why did I get so mad?

Why didn't I keep my promise to him?

Why couldn't I help him?

Why did abandonhim?

_Why can't I save him?_

Isn't it sad to have none of the answers to my own questions? Why am I such a coward? What the fuck is _wrong_ with me? Damn it…

For the next few hours i just sat there on the couch in the dark. Reading the stream of texts he sent, and not answering his calls. I couldn't bring myself to.

'_I'm so sorry Shizuo, so sorry, please talk to me. Please forgive me, I cant lose you too''_

That was the most recent text I've received. It's like the Izaya I've known all these years has just vanished into thin air. Has he always been so desperate? So clingy? So broken? No. He was an arrogant, proud, stuck up, annoying, asshole of a person. A parasite on my very existence.

But, did I ever actually know him? Did I ever take the time to try? No, I didn't. I never cared what kind of person he really was, or what kind of life he had been living. I made my own assumptions and left it at that. If I had tried, taken the time back then, maybe gotten to know him better, we would've had more time together. He wouldn't be in this situation now, none of this would have ever happened. So then… all of this is my fault, for being so fucking stupid all these years. So what can I do? How do I make up for it? How can I help him now? By _not_ doing exactly what I'm doing now, that's how. Saying that doesn't change the fact that I'm a fucking coward though. How can I even show my face to him now?

Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it! I need to punch some fucking sense into my, quote, 'protozoan head', and after that,

go fucking apologize to Izaya.

* * *

**Author's notes:**

**I cant seem to get out of this slump I've put myself in! D: Nothing in this chapter flows right at all! I wanted to make Shizuo seem angry, yet still regretting what he said to Izaya, and it didn't come out the way I wanted it to at all! T^T sadness….anyway, sorry for being such a downer. Please review! I'd love to hear your opinions on this chapter!**


	27. Annoyance

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

* * *

**Shizuo's POV:**

Why is it, whenever I want to contact Izaya, he _never_ answers his phone? He was texting me like freaking crazy last night, and now he's nowhere to be found. Damn it Izaya…stop making this harder than it has to be already…

I've been wandering around Ikebukuro all day, checking my phone every five seconds, and calling every ten, even using Tom's phone a few times. He hasn't answered. I'm absolutely losing my mind.

Unlike most other days, I cant just run off to Shinjuku, I've missed way to much work doing that. And as _pissed_ as I am that I cant go find him, I'm trying to not go on a fucking rampage and possibly get Tom into a shit load of trouble. Hopefully though, I'll get off work early, cause if I don't, so help me…

"Uh, Shizuo?" Tom said worriedly.

"Hm?" I muttered angrily, placing yet another cigarette in my mouth and lighting it.

"How about going for some lunch? We can go to that sushi place, I've got coupons." He emphasized by taking said coupons out of his pocket.

I sighed, reminding myself that Tom is _not _the person I should be angry with.

"Sure. I guess that'll be fine-"

I stopped speaking as my phone vibrated in my pocket a couple times. That could be Izaya!

Turning away from Tom, I slipped the small red device out of my pocket, flipping it open quickly.

…damn it…Its not him. Celty?

'_There's something we need to talk about. Please meet me at Russian Sushi, it's important.'_

Important? Is it about the douche bag? Did she find him like I asked? I honestly didn't think she'd actually do it…

"Uh…Tom? Mind if I go on a head? There's something I gotta do…it's, kind of important." I said, scratching my head stupidly.

"Just go. You don't have to tell me, I'll catch up later."

Thank god for Tom being such an understanding guy.

Without another word I started heading for Russian sushi.

I burst through the doors (startling _many_ of the inhabitants of the restaurant), and looked from side to side, my eyes landing on the bright yellow helmet that only one person was known to wear.

"Celty.." I muttered in greeting as I approached the dark figure.

She nodded in my direction, gesturing me to sit down. I lowered myself onto the bench nervously, there are so many things I need to ask her, that I don't even know where to begin.

Does she know where the bastards is? Does she know what he looks like? Can she lead me to him?…Does she know what happened…between me and Izaya? Does she know what a total idiot I've been? I hope so. I really do. Celty's always had a good habit of being able to knock some sense into my empty head. The sudden screen on a cell phone snapped me out of my daze, all my attention pointing toward the small electronically device.

'_A few days ago the girls called Shinra about Izaya.'_ She typed slowly, retracting her phone and typing on it once more.

?

They called Shinra? About Izaya? Why? Exactly how long…is a few days?

'_Shinra sent me to go pick him up. When I got there, he wasn't even conscious.'_

…Wasn't conscious?

'_He looked awful…he was so thin, and looked so tired, like…he was suffering. I guess you could say I panicked and took him without asking for much details.'_

I tried to swallow the lump forming in my throat. Without her even having to say it, I know what she means. This is my fault. All of it. I already know…

'_Before he left the other day, I over heard Shinra talking to the girls about something. They kept saying it was your fault…'_

Told you.

I hung my head low, narrowing my eyes at the thought of what happened that night, of what I said to him.

'_I didn't hear anything after that, Izaya interrupted them before they could say anything else. Shizuo…what did you do?'_

I couldn't help but feel angry at that question. Hell, I know I messed up, that I said the worst possible things I could've said to him, but Mairu and Kururi were there. They saw what happened. Izaya was _strangling _me in my sleep, and I doubt they know the reason why, so what right do they have to pin all the blame on me?

Damn it, NO Shizuo! Stop trying to find excuses for yourself! This _is _your fault and you are to blame _entirely_ for this god awful situation now! Just explain to Celty what happened, she'll listen, and I'm sure she can help somehow.

I opened my mouth hesitantly, I think the beginnings of a sentence forming on the tip of my tongue before-

"You come! Eat sushi! Sushi good! Very good! What do you want? I give you discount!"

Simon. Goddamn it.

The dark skinned man walked closer to our table setting a menu down in front of the both of us.

Celty waved her had back and forth, trying to tell the Russian politely to go the fuck away.

"No sushi? But Sushi good! So good! You have some!" He said as cheerfully as always. Fuck off Simon.

"_Anyway_." I said catching Celty's attention, trying like hell to ignore Simons fucking loud ass voice. "Celty I…did something really bad."

She tilted her head curiously, picking up her phone and typing a new message quickly.

'_It's alright. You can tell me.'_

Just seeing the message seemed to calm my nerves. I sighed deeply, locking my fingers together and placing them on the table in front of me.

"Izaya tried to kill me."

She stared at me for what seemed like an eternity, slowly turning whatever confidence I had into a disgusting pile of mush.

Sensing my discomfort, she quickly collected herself, shakily typing her next message to me.

'_Why would he do that? I thought you two were on good terms now…'_

"Come in! Come in! Eat sushi! It very good!"

I threw the most threatening glare I could muster at the tall Russian man, wanting him to just _leave_, before turning back to Celty.

"I'm not sure why. But I don't think he actually meant to do it…" I muttered softly.

'_? He didn't mean to?' _She said curiously before erasing the message and typing a new one. _'What did you do that was bad then?'_

"This Russia Sushi! It good! You like, I promise!"

"Shut up!" I shouted at Simon, slamming my hands hard on the table top, Celty having to wave her hand in my face to get me to focus.

Taking a few deep breathes, because I _really_ didn't want to end up killing someone today, I turned my attention back to Celty.

"I...yelled at him…" I said, sounding disgusted with myself. "I said horrible things to him that I wish…I could take back…"

My heart lurched painfully in my chest, picturing the horrified face he made that night, looking like he wanted to cry. I clenched my fists painfully, trying to focus on what Celty was saying. Typing. Shut up you get the point.

'_Shizuo…you shouldn't blame yourself then. It was just a misunderstanding, if you two were to talk about it, I'm sure that you could-'_

"Our sushi good! It not made from human! I promise!"

Finally showing her frustration, Celty stood from her seat, shoving her phone in Simons face harshly, her previous message replaced with a new one, something I assume along the lines of shut the hell up. I've never seen her get pissed off by Simon before. Huh.

'_Sorry.'_ She typed hurriedly, erasing the message, and typing again.

'_I'm just saying that I'm sure you two could talk it out and everything would go back to normal. Or at least normal by recent standards.'_

I pinched the bridge of my nose almost painfully, really_, really_, trying to just ignore Simon's constant ranting about sushi.

"Celty…you don't understand. I said the most _horrible _things to him…" I said quietly, anger slowly beginning to boil inside me.

The next message was simple, almost surprisingly so, yet sincere in the sweetest of ways. I felt sick.

'_Like what?'_

'Like what?' She wants me to _tell_ her the atrocious things I said to a mentally and emotionally unstable man? Its not ideal, no.

"I said…" I started softly. "That he was pathetic-"

"Hello! Welcome to Russia Sushi! Come sit! Sushi good!"

"…and that I didn't care about him-"

"Come in! Come in! It good! It cheap!"

Why that hell isn't he doing this outside like usual!

Cutting me off momentarily, Celty showed her next message to me.

'_I don't think he would hold any of that against you if you said you were sorry.'_

"But Celt I said that he-!"

"Please! Sit! Eat sushi!"

"-was disgusting! How can I just go say 'sorry' as if nothing happened?"

'_Izaya really needs-_

"Hello! Come in! Sushi good! It cheap!"

'_-someone to be there for him. He needs you!'_

"I told him that I only pitied him! That I never-!"

"We have clam! And tuna! It very good!"

"-cared about him at all!"

'_Shizuo don't you get it? He needs you, nut you need him as well! Its so obvious that you lo-'_

"Oh! Izaya! Come in! Come in! We have Ootoro special today!"

"**Simon Shut -!"**

Wait…WHAT. I turned my head around as fast as I could, nearly knocking Simon over in my hurry to stand from my seat.

There he was. Standing at the counter, with Mairu and Kururi by his side. I felt my heart racing, beating widely against my chest, and as I tried to take me first step towards him, ready to apologize for everything I'd done, my body froze up.

I couldn't move.

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**\ ( ^ o ^) / I finished chapter 27! Hurray! I'm sorry If it seemed confusing…I was trying to add some kind of comedy relief, but it just ended up sounding weird…there is actually a reason for Simon being in this chapter however, he shall also be in the next one! You know who else? Kurgy! She's gonna help me out with the next chapter. :P (Which also reminds me…I need help convincing her to draw pics for the chapters! XD I wanted to upload them on tumblr along with the chapters just because I thought it would be fun, but she keeps say 'I don't know' :,( Help me convince her!)**

**Getting back to the chapter though, I don't mean to keep writing with Shizuo contradicting himself like this. Its actually starting to bug me that I cant seem to cut it out. . What do you guys think? Also, updates might be a little slower, I'm trying to update more on 'Cry' as well so I'll be writing for that after I upload this, and once I've uploaded that one, I'll write on this one again. ^^**

**Thank you for reading chapter 27! Please review!**


	28. Stupid

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

* * *

**Shizuo's POV:**

I was scared. As hell. I felt so ready at first, ready to just stand the hell up and confront Izaya, easier said than done.

Its funny really. What was it again, the most feared man in all of Ikebukuro? Like hell. I'm a bloody coward. Just one look. That was it. Just one look at his face was enough to stop me in my tracks. The large bruise had almost completely faded away, although it hardly matters, as new ones were forming around his eye, on his jaw, even his neck and collar bone. Really? After only four days? Goddamn that son of a bitch! I'm going to kill him! Rip off his arms, and break his legs and…and….this is… my fault, isn't it? I keep blaming him for hitting Izaya but, if I had stayed with him, then he wouldn't be able to lay even a finger on him, would he? Why cant I gain some fucking intelligence?

I looked him over from head to toe, over and over again, until I couldn't anymore. Aside from the fresh bruises, his skin had become so much paler, his eyes multiple shades duller, and he looked so much thinner. That cant possibly be healthy, but most of all, he looked so sad.

Tch, sad is hardly the word for it. He was just kind of staring, I don't even know at what, ignoring anything and everything going on around him.

I felt horrible.

"Hey, Izaya. Haven't seen you around in a while" I didn't even know Kadota was here until he stepped in front of me, blocking my view of Izaya.

He slowly craned his head towards Kadota, doing the most disturbing thing I've ever seen.

He smiled.

It wasn't a normal smile by any means. It was much more unsettling than that. Nothing about it was right. His eyes were dull and unseeing, almost looking past Kadota as he replied.

"Hi Dotachin, it has been awhile." He said softly, even the twins flinching at the eeriness of his voice.

If Kadota noticed, he didn't say anything, he did however question the bruises.

"Izaya…what happened to you? Were you fighting with Shizuo again?" He said worriedly.

Am I invisible or something? Because apparently nobody here can see me, else he wouldn't have said that out loud.

Izaya chuckled lightly, waving his hand a few times before smiling again.

"No, it has nothing to do with Shizu-chan." He said calmly, his eyes holding a kind of gentleness that just didn't seem right.

"Then…what happened?" Kadota asked nervously.

Izaya simply chuckled once more, turning his attention back towards the counter as Dennis prepared his sushi.

The entire place fell into an uncomfortable silence, many of the previous occupants leaving once they caught sight of me and Izaya in the same room. At least someone noticed me.

This is part were I should jump in, right? Drag Izaya off somewhere private to talk about everything, right? Then why cant I make myself move? I'm just stuck standing here, Celty looking back and forth from me to Izaya worriedly, and Kadota not even realizing I was standing a total of twenty feet behind him. So what do I do?

'_Shizuo, are you alright?' _She asked, holding the screen to my face.

Am I? I have no idea. I suppose the fact that I'm currently immobile could be a problem.

Suddenly Kadota chuckled warmly, as if everything about this situation was completely normal, brushing off the obvious fact that Izaya was hurt like it didn't even matter. I have to admit I'm kind of pissed at him now.

"I get it." He said with a smile. "It's a secret huh? Figures."

He chuckled again, like everything were a big joke.

"I knew you'd be okay." He said smiling, lifting his hand up towards Izaya.

Everything kind of happened in slow motion. I saw Kadota's hand raise, and the sudden flinch cross Izaya's face, before Kadota placed that hand on his shoulder. That's when everything blew up.

Izaya screamed.

A heart wrenching cry filled the entire place as he hit Kadota's hand away harshly. Kadota immediately took a few steps back in surprise, the twins doing the same as Izaya fell to the floor, crashing to his knees and panting loudly, small sobs escaping lips softly.

"I-Izaya?" Kadota asked, an almost frightened tone coating his voice.

Almost immediately even more customers started leaving the small restaurant. Even Simon showed surprise at the sudden yell. Izaya's gasping and panting grew louder with every passing second.

"I-I…I-I-I…! So…so s-sorry…I…ngh…." He gasped out, his body swaying dangerously, threatening to fall over.

"H-Hey, Izaya…Y-You don't have to apologize for anything…" Kadota said, reaching towards him again.

The moment Izaya caught sight of this, he screamed once more, the sound was horrible, complete and utter terror sounding through the almost empty establishment.

"NO!" He screamed, backing himself up into a corner, itching his arm were Kadota touched so intensely it started to bleed. "G-Get away…get away! N-No no no no! GO AWAY!" he hollered again, tears falling from his eyes endlessly as his whole body trembled uncontrollably.

Kadota just stood there. I can only imagine what it must be like for him, he must think that he had caused it somehow (which in a sense he did), though doesn't know what the true cause is. He doesn't know.

Izaya sobbed loudly, occasionally straining his voice to try to scream again, but the only things that were heard were sickly choking sounds.

"O-Oh god…please…no more…no more…" His voice got smaller and smaller, digging his nails into his arms as trickles of blood hit the floor.

I looked toward Celty, she held her hands close to her heart as her shoulders shook violently, this was a first for her as well. Then I looked at Kadota, his eyes were wider than I had ever seen before as he stared down at Izaya, completely powerless to help him. Don't I know it.

And then toward Mairu and Kururi. They didn't look surprised, no. The only emotion visible on their faces was pure misery, small tears rolling down either of the girls cheeks freely.

This is horrible. There's nothing anything anyone can do. All we can do is sit here and watch him suffer.

But no. I refuse. I said I'd save him, didn't I? Well now seems like a pretty damn good time.

I took a step forward, effectively gaining Celty's attention as I took another. And then another, and then another, until I walked passed Kadota.

"Shizuo?" he asked surprised.

I chose to ignore him.

I walked passed the twins, who shared similar expressions of surprise, and straight towards Izaya. I could tell all remaining eyes in the room were on me, watching, waiting, anticipating what was going to happen next like this was some stupid ass movie. Pisses me of…

He looked up at me pleadingly, not even realizing it was me or even that I was here to help him, begging me with his eyes to just leave him alone. But I'll make him see. Make him see that I'm different, that I'll help him, save him. That I'll never leave him again. Ever.

I crouched down in front of him, looking deeply into his tear streaked red eyes as he shook his head from side to side, muttering quietly as he tried to scoot back further.

"n-no no, no…no no, no, no…no…."

I took a deep breathe, stretching my arms out and wrapping them around his small frame. He instantly froze up, his breathe hitching as I pulled him closer to me, and just as he became silent, as did all the onlookers. I can only imagine what they all must be thinking now, but I don't care anymore, It just doesn't matter. Izaya is everything to me, and I don't have to hide it. He's suffering, more than any of these people could possible understand, I don't even fully understand it, so what right do they have to judge me? None.

A small hand suddenly grasped tightly to the front of my vest, tugging slightly to get my attention.

"Sh-Shizu-chan?" He asked in the smallest I'd ever heard.

I bit my lower lip, try hard to prevent a angry growl from escaping my mouth. And no, I wasn't mad at him, but just hearing him say my name in such a frightened way made my blood boil with rage for the man that's done this to him.

"It's okay now Izaya." I whispered softly into his ear, every word sending shivers down his spine.

I could hear people whispering behinds us, sounding completely appalled, no doubt that this is going to spread around Ikebukuro fast.

"Shizu-chan…" he sniffled quietly. "I-I'm sorry…"

I shook my head slightly, tightening my grip as he cling to me.

"Don't." I said firmly. "I need to apologize. Why don't we get out of here, hm?"

His hands slacked slightly as he leaned in closer.

"I'm tired…"

I smiled, slowly guiding him up onto his feet, gesturing for the twins to follow after us.

"Then lets get you home." I said quietly, leading him out of the store.

I didn't even spare a glance at our audience.

"Shizu-chan…" He mumbled quietly, his body slowly going limp.

"Hm?" I said lifting him effortlessly onto my back.

He coiled his arms around my neck, too exhausted to care that people are watching, and nuzzled himself in comfortably.

"One hundred points…"

I couldn't help but smile at this.

"Thanks for that." I said amused. "Still don't know what its for though."

He chuckled softly before drifting off into a peaceful, quiet sleep, as I carried him on my back all the way to Shinjuku.

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**Special thank you to Kurgy for helping me out once again! XD And of course…EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED! I love all of you so much! It's your kind words that keep this story going, so thank you!**

**Some thoughts on this chapter: As most of you probably know by now, I never like the way my chapters are written, and this one is no different. I really wanted this to seem dramatic and emotional, but it really seems like I rushed into it. I tried going back and adding stuff in to make it a little longer, but it just ended up sounding like an endless rant, so I took a lot of it back out. :/ It makes me sad inside…**

**I hope I didn't screw up this chapter too much.**

**Please read and review! XD I would love to hear your opinions!**


	29. Care

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

* * *

**Shizuo's POV:**

It's been three and a half hours since I brought Izaya back to his apartment in Shinjuku. When I walked through that door I brought Izaya to his room, laid him down as gently as I possibly could in his bed, and haven't left his side since. Mairu has suggested quite a few times that I come out and eat, or drink, or sleep, and whatever else she could think of to get me out, but no, I said I'm not leaving him and I meant it. When he wakes up I want to be the first person he sees, it might sound selfish, but I want him to know that I've been here with him. I want him to know that I'll never leave his side again, and most importantly, I want him to know how sorry I am for this whole mess.

I kept my eyes peeled, not missing a single movement he made as he slept what seemed like a peaceful sleep, his chest heaving up and down gently. I haven't seen him look this relaxed in months…somehow, it puts my mind at ease, if only he'd be this calm when he wakes up.

I sighed tiredly, running a hand through my hair. What am I even doing? I don't even know what to say to him when he _does_ wake up, I mean, I _do _I just don't know how to say it. Is just a simple 'I'm sorry' good enough? Sure as hell doesn't seem like it. So what do I do? Just tell him how complete and utterly sorry I am for causing him so much mental and emotion stress and for _abandoning_ him when he needed me most resulting in giving me all this time to think about how fucking stupid I am and how much I really care about him after everything that's happened and no matter what happens from here I promise that I'll always lo-

...

...!

….WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Wh-what the hell was I about to say just now? I-I just got caught up in the moment that's all! There's no way that I was about to say…**that** word.

"Shizu-chan?"

The small, trembling voice quickly snapped me out of…whatever the hell I was just doing, turning all my attention to the once lifeless form laying comfortably under the covers.

"Izaya! Y-Your awake?" I said trying to sound normal.

Fail.

"Yes, Shizu-chan, I am. Note how my eyes are open and I'm speaking with you." he groaned out softly, tiredly, gently caressing his head as he leaned against the headboard.

"S-Sorry."

He touched his neck lightly, coughing before attempting to slide out of the blankets.

"You ok?" I asked worriedly.

He nodded, gently leaning on my shoulder as I sat beside him on the bed, trying to steady himself as he massaged his throat.

"I could use some water…" He said, his voice sounding hoarse.

His body was warm against mine, his breathe ghosting over my neck as he sighed contently with our position. I didn't want to move. I _really_ didn't want to move, but he said he wanted water.

"Hold on." I said lifting myself up and away from him.

He looked up at me almost sadly, and it took every ounce of self control I had to not take him into my arms for the umpteenth time.

I walked out of the room briskly, practically storming down the stairs and fumbling hopelessly with the glass and water faucet, earning two curious stares from the girls at my failed attempt of retrieving a glass of water. Before they could ask questions, I walked as fast as I could up the stairs without spilling the water, and back into his room.

He looked at me curiously as I sat down next to him once more, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and offering him the glass. He reached out a shaky hand, his delicate fingers circling around the glass, and slowly raising it to his lips. He took a few large gulps before shakily handing me the glass.

Lightly shoving off my arm, he slowly slid back beneath the thick layers of blanketing, laying his head gently on the soft pillow. He turned to his left, facing his body towards me, and staring up at me with an expression I'm not quite sure how to describe.

"Are you feeling better now?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Hey, Shizu-chan?" he asked quietly, looking somewhere past my shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"I thought you hated me."

The sentence completely threw me off guard. I wasn't expecting that. I felt half angry that he would even think that I hated him, but as his eyes drooped down sadly and his hand clenched onto the comforter, pulling it up to his nose shyly, it felt like my heart had been ripped out.

How can I think he's cute at a time like this?

"Izaya, why would you think that?" I asked him, placing a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

He peeked up at me, his red eyes brimmed with what I think are tears.

"You know why."

…oh yeah…crap.

"Well I don't." I said reassuringly.

He pulled the covers up even more, his raven locks and finger tips being the only visible part of his body.

"You…" He started quietly. "Were really…mad and…you said…you didn't care about me…"

His voice became smaller and smaller with every word spoken, and my guilt was literally tearing me apart inside at how broken he sounded.

I reached my hand up towards his covered face, taking hold of the cloth and pulling it down suddenly, gazing at his surprised face quietly.

"I'm sorry Izaya."

His eyes widened , he opened his mouth slightly, but no sound came out of it. I sighed, running a hand through his hair soothingly.

"Can you forgive me?" I said, smiling softly as he continued to stare up at me.

He placed his hand on my chest, guiding my body away from him as he sat up slowly.

"Didn't…I already said Shizu-chan didn't have to apologize?" He said, a serious expression settling itself on his face.

I sighed once again. Why does he have to be so stubborn?

"Yes I _do_ Izaya. I have a lot that I need to apologize to you for."

"But Shizu-chan I-!"

"But," I said cutting him off "For now, lets save that for later, right now you need to rest."

He sighed angrily, turning towards me with that same serious expression.

"Just _listen _to me Shizuo."

He used my really name, guess he really is being serious.

"This is _my_ fault. Not yours. I don't want you feeling guilty over nothing, so stop apologizing already!"

Getting slightly irritated, I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around his shoulders before I even fully realized what I was doing.

"Izaya, shut up." I said softly.

He did. For a total of about five minutes.

"Sh-Shizu-chan…why are you always doing this? It doesn't make any sense! Why aren't you angry anymore? Why do you still act so kind to me? Why do you even _bother_ helping me? Wh-why do you always hug me like this a-and say such sweet things? Wh-Wh-Why a-are you s-still h-here...w-with m-me?" He started sobbing as he suddenly hooked his arms around my neck, pulling himself closer.

I'm not sure how to answer any of those questions. I _should_ hate Orihara Izaya. I _shouldn't_ care about what happens to him _or _for the reasons why he's suffering, but I _do._ I care to much. Not once since this whole mess started has Izaya not been on my mind. I've been so worried about where he's been, what he's doing, and who he's with…and...that…sounds a little _weird_, doesn't it? I mean, I'm not a stalker or anything, so it shouldn't be any of my business. I would wonder the same things when I hated him! But…I'm sure I don't hate him anymore…does…that mean that I…?

NO! He is my _friend!_ My _male _friend! I cant have those kinds of feelings for him…right? But, guys don't hold their guy friends like this either…or cuddle them…or kiss them….

HOLY CRAP.

Am I really…in love with Izaya? Wh-what do I do? Do I tell him? No that…wouldn't turn out well, I mean, I'm not even completely positive that I _am _in love with him but…

'You're in love with me Shizu-chan? How disgusting! I didn't even know a protozoan like you even knew how to love.' That's what he'd say. Well, that's what the old Izaya would say, for sure. This Izaya though…crap I have no idea.

"Shizu-chan…You're crushing me."

I released him instantly. The last thing I wanted to do tonight is snap his spine in half, that would be a bad thing.

He turned his body all the way around, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, his knees inches away from touching mine. A silence followed shortly after that. We stared at each other for a long time, neither of us know what to say or do.

I watched his face closely, taking note of every change or emotion, and before I knew it my eyes were traveling all over his body, and I felt disgusted with myself for the images that blossomed in my mind. I never thought I'd find myself attracted to a guy like this, especially not Izaya.

He seemed to notice that I was watching him, his face suddenly turning red with embarrassment, and before I could stop myself, I said something I never thought I'd say.

"Izaya, how do you feel about me?"

* * *

**Author's notes:**

**Hello~! XD I recently watched the Air motion picture, which inspired me to watch the anime series, I really should've done so sooner. Anyway, this is relevant because one of the songs they play in both the anime and the movie is called 'If Dreams Came True' and I found this interesting for pretty obvious reasons. I was listening to that song the entire time I was writing this chapter, and now every time I hear that song I will always think of Izaya! Anyway, What do you guys think of this chapter? Did it rush to much? Or was it to slow? Did it flow well or was it way off? I have mixed feelings about this chapter so I'd like to know what you, my lovely readers, think! ****( ^ o ^)**

**One more thing! I really want Kurgy to draw pictures for this to put on tumblr, but she still keeps saying "I don't know, ill think about it." :/ I don't know how else to convince her, any ideas?**

**Please review! Reviews help me update faster! ;D**


	30. Believe

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

* * *

**Shizuo's POV:**

Izaya stared at me. And stared. And stared. All the confidence I once had slowly shrinking back inside me to hide under a table with every passing second.

"Sh-Shizu-chan… h-how d-do I…wh-what?" He said, stammering embarrassedly.

I gulped, not entirely sure how to explain the weird question that just kind of popped out of my mouth. I mean really, what the fuck is wrong with me? I mean, he's a _guy_, and, I'm a _guy._ Izaya probably isn't even into guys!…Not that…I'm into guys, or that there's anything _wrong_ with being into guys, I'm just pretty sure that I'm straight. Pretty sure. Probably. And just because I _might_ find Izaya attractive on a level that just so happens to be beyond the 'friendship' line, doesn't mean that I actually like him that way, but, it doesn't necessarily mean that I _don't either._ Not that I think it's a bad thing to like Izaya, I mean he's really attractive, kind of the effeminate kind of attractive. He has a real pretty face and a sweet voice and.…what the hell am I even talking about anymore?

Clearing my throat a couple times, trying like _hell_ to get my voice back, I looked back at him. The same surprised expression on his face.

"W-Well its just…you know…a couple things have,_ happened _between us that aren't…exactly…the kind of things that, well, friends do…so I was just…well, kind of curious…" I said, scratching the back of my head nervously.

After seeing the look of utter horror spread across his face, I knew I should have just kept my mouth shut. I suddenly panicked, standing up from my seat, I shook my hands in a 'not like that' sort of manner, struggling once again with my own voice as he stared at me, completely petrified.

"Y-You don't have to think about it or anything! Really! I mean, it's not like I meant like…_that_ or anything! I-I was just curious is all! Cause we're always huggin an stuff…wait, that's not what I meant!"

My voice slowly disappeared once again into the cave of awkwardness, leaving both he and I sitting in a pool of silent swirling uncertainty…again, what the hell am I talking about?

We sat there for awhile, the only sounds heard belonging to the twins downstairs.

Izaya's expression softened, then turned to one of confusion, then sad before he spoke again.

"Shizu-chan calm down." He said completely straight faced.

What the hell? You're telling me to calm down? How the hell were _you_ able to?

"I-Izaya…I…"

"It's okay Shizu-chan. Really."

Well what the hell do I do now that I've managed to embarrass the ever loving crap out of myself?

Before I could say or do anything else he spoke again.

"So does that mean that Shizu-chan likes me?"

WHAT THE CRAP

"HUH?" Was the only stupid thing to come out of my mouth.

I was expecting him to laugh off the whole situation, or at least do that girly little giggle of his to lighten the mood like he always does, but no. Instead he stared up at me smiling, his eyes filled with sadness with every word he spoke_, _he was taking this seriously.

He chuckled lightly, swinging his feet back and forth disturbingly, like a child. "It's fine Shizu-chan, I was just kidding."

You were not!

Why does he always have to be so difficult about every little thing? Izaya, that was not a joke, it sucks that you would try to lie to me about it, but its sad that you would lie to yourself. What do I do, Izaya? What can I do to help? I…I don't want to brush this off like it was nothing, I don't want to keep telling myself that you're just my 'friend' when at this point even I know its not true. I want to tell you, Izaya. I want to tell you the truth.

I took a deep breathe. This is it, I'll be completely honest with him and tell him exactly how I've been feeling. And no, it is NOT a girly thing to do, so shut up. He deserves to know at least that much, right? Alright, here goes.

"What if I said I did Izaya?"

He stopped moving instantly, his eyes widening before resuming the swinging of his feet.

"What?"

I sighed, clenching my fists tightly.

"What if I said I do,..er, like you?" I said again.

He stared at me. His beautiful red eyes widening as his lips parted slightly, showing a look of total shock.

"W-Well I wasn't expecting that, ha-ha…" He chuckled nervously.

"I'm serious." I said as…seriously as I could, willing my heart to slow the fuck down before it explodes.

"Shizu-chan…" He said, looking up at me with sorrowful eyes.

I somehow feel like I'm about to be rejected, although I haven't officially asked him out or anything. Yet.

He chuckled once more, looking down at the floor before speaking again.

"So, is Shizu-chan in _love _with me then?" He asked semi-sarcastically. I don't like it at all.

"No." I answered honestly, surprising him.

"N-No?"

I sighed, taking a seat next to him, trying (key word, trying) to act calmly.

"At least, I don't think so. Not yet."

That much I _am_ sure of. I'm not going to say that I've suddenly fallen in love with him, its completely unrealistic, something that would happen in one of those sappy shoujo manga's, right? Yeah, there's no way I could actually be in love with him or anything.

His whole body tensed, but he refused to look at me. It kind of hurt.

"Figures…" He muttered under his breathe.

"Huh?" is it just me or did he sound kind of…_angry?_

"Shizu-chan…how come you felt the need to say this now?" He asked sadly, gazing up at me with hazy eyes.

I gulped, now starting to feel guilty for putting even more pressure on his shoulders. He really didn't need it.

"Sorry…" I said apologetically, feeling absolutely horrible. "I was…selfish. I should've have thought about how it would make you feel instead of just think of myself." In my defense, I said it on accident.

He glanced over at me, looking torn. Crap, now what?

"Hey…Shizu-chan?" He asked.

"Hm?"

"Can I do something selfish?" he asked, watching me closely.

The question threw me off, but, how could I refuse? He sighed, turning his body towards me, gently placing his hand on my cheek, caressing it. The touch made my whole body shiver as my entire face began heating up.

Wh-what the hell is he doing?

"Just…don't move for a second, okay?" He said shyly, his cheeks also gaining some color.

I nodded slowly, not entirely sure how I felt about him leaning in so close to me. And closing his eyes like that. And…tilting his head to the side like he…holy shit.

"I-Izaya?" I said urgently cause, holy fuck, is he going to do what I think he's going to do?

And just like that, before I had the chance to say anything else, he gently pressed his soft lips against mine.

They were warm and inviting, softer than anything I could ever imagine. His arms slowly wrapped around my neck as he leaned in even closer, and the moment his body pressed against mine, I knew that I _really _liked this.

Oh my god.

This is really happening, isn't it?

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**Short chapter is short! Please don't kill me! . The good news is, the next chapter is already done! just needs to be edited, so that'll be up soon! Plus, its from Izaya's point of view while all this is going on. There was actually a reason why Shizuo's chapter was so short this time, one, he's had way to many chapters to himself, and two, because there wasn't much else to it on his end. The next chapter is going to be much longer because Izaya's brain is having a meltdown after hearing Shizuo's little (confession?) yeah, lets call it that. ^^**

**Also, thank you everyone! XD After much harassment Kurgy is going to draw pics for the story! I'm so happy! :3 To tumblr I go~~! Sorry, I had an energy drink today…or two. Whatever. So yeah, knew chapters and pics! This is going to be a fun week/weekend!**

**On another note, did Shizuo's lines seem to, well, cheesy to you guys? I thought they did.**** What do you guys think? I dont want everything to sound to sappy! XD**

**Please read and review! I love to receive all your kind reviews and tips on how to improve my writing! It makes me very happy~! **


	31. Stay

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

* * *

**Izaya's POV:**

Hold on. What? D-Did he just ask me how I…_feel _about him? He obviously knows that I don't hate him, so then…is he asking if I…? Oh my god. There's no way that he's been able to pick up on…_that_, right? He cant be that good at reading me!

He stared at me for a while with a anxious look on his face, fidgeting nervously as time passed.

I let out a stuttering breathe, bracing myself on the edge of the bed.

"Sh-Shizu-chan…h-how d-do I…wh-what?" I said, trying to steady my voice. It didn't work.

His face paled as soon as my broken sentence finished. He looked like a kicked puppy. Shizu-chan's eye's drooped to the floor, a look of complete dread and confusion coming across his face. I swear to god his brain started smoking.

Hell, what right do you have to act confused! I'm the one that should be confused! SO, DAMN, UNPREDICTABLE! It drives me insane! He should be angry with me! He should hate! He should want me dead so…so…! Why…doesn't he? I've asked myself this question so many times, and I have yet to get an answer. Shizu-chan…by asking this question, does this mean that you have feelings for me? Could you by chance think of me as more than a friend? Do you…love me?

No. You don't. How could you? Despite how kind you are, and how forgiving you are, you could never love me after what I've done to you. I've even dragged you into this mess of mine, and have caused you nothing but troubles. So then why is it…you always manage to get my hopes up like this? And why do I think I love Shizu-chan in the first place? I…I love all humans! I can never reserve myself for just one, especially when said human isn't a human at all right?…Right? There is no one that could ever love me. Not a human love. No one could ever be so kind to me, or gentle. No one could hold me so warmly, or make me laugh so easily. No one could ever make me feel so…happy, and there is no one that I could give happiness to in return. But…doesn't Shizu-chan, already do all those things for me? Do I…make him happy at all? Could I…make him smile?

"W-Well it's just.." He started, catching my attention. "…you know…a couple things have,_ happened _between us that aren't…exactly…the kind of things that, well, friends do…so I was just…well, kind of curious…"

He's just catching on to this now! _You_ freaking kissed _me_ on the cheek! And you just now noticed that friends don't do that! Really!

I stared at him in disbelief. Do all your friends tend to sit on your lap, or am I just that special? I mean come one Shizu-chan! I thought you knew our 'relationship' was at least _slightly_ above the friendship line!

He suddenly looked panicked, standing up and waving his hands around madly as his face turned a light shade of pink.

"Y-You don't have to think about it or anything! Really! I mean, it's not like I meant like…_that_ or anything! I-I was just curious is all! Cause we're always huggin an stuff…wait, that's not what I meant!"

Nice Shizu-chan. Nice. What did you mean then? You should know by now, Shizu-chan, that I cant read you at all. Even in a situation like this.

Shizu-chan…I know, you've asked this question already, and I haven't even really given you an answer but…How do you feel about me? If I could find a way to make you happy, could you love me? If I could find a way to make you smile? Would you?

I was wrong before, I thought I couldn't possibly love, because humans are the only ones I love, but its not true. Shizu-chan, I love you. Humans cant love me back. They cant be kind towards me, or forgive me for what I've done to them, only you can Shizu-chan. You're the only one whose ever tried. I…I can live without my humans, I can leave them behind, the same they've done to me, but I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. But….Seikyou-san will rip you apart Shizu-chan, not physically of course, but mentally. With all his 'connections' I'm sure he'd even be able to get to your brother, and I cant let that happen. Ever.

Realizing his panicked expression still present on his face, I took a deep breathe, try to give him a small reassuring smile.

_Seikyou-san, this is…your fault?_

"Shizu-chan calm down." I said coolly.

"I-Izaya…I…" He stammered.

Shizu-chan…Stop doing that...making that face. I cant take it. Please stop…

"It's okay Shizu-chan. Really."

He quickly looked even more distressed than before, his shoulders slumping, looking defeated.

Hey, Shizu-chan…I wonder…

"So does that mean that Shizu-chan likes me?" I asked, completely contradicting everything I've been bitching about for the past few minutes, but hey, worth a shot right?

"HUH?" Was the first word out of his mouth, his eyes widening comically.

Not the reaction I had been hoping for. Why couldn't I listen to the advice I just gave myself _five minutes ago?_ The whole 'I love him but I shouldn't' thing? I didn't think I was really this stupid!

I chuckled lightly, trying to lighten the mood as I leaned forward, swinging my feet back and forth as a distraction for myself.

"It's fine Shizu-chan, I was just kidding." I said, trying to redeem the situation.

He gaped at me as if to say 'liar' before clenching his fists angrily.

Really now, what could you be thinking about Shizu-chan? I already said it was okay right? That I was joking right? So why are you acting so upset? What's making you so mad?

His face suddenly soften into a sorrowful expression, dropping his shoulders tiredly.

Shizu-chan?

"What if I said I did Izaya?" He said in a serious tone, his honey gaze meeting mine.

My eyes widened and I froze in place, what if you what? Does he mean that he…but, he cant. He just cant! I know that I…wanted him to but, it wont be any good for him! Shizu-chan…please, _please_, stop. Please…

I gulped, my entire body trembling, before I sighed. Slowly swinging my feet once again, deciding to avoid the obvious as much as possible.

"What?" I said, trying sounding as normal as I possibly could. It was good, all things considered.

He sighed irritably, clenching his fists firmly.

"What if I said I do,..er, like you?" He said awkwardly, sounding completely unsure of himself.

Still, I couldn't help but feel shocked. My eyes widened as my lips parted, the air drying them almost instantly.

"W-Well I wasn't expecting that, ha-ha…" This statement is both true an false.

"I'm serious." He said, that same tone coming back to him.

"Shizu-chan…" Why? Why does that make me feel so happy yet, sad?

Why are you doing this to me Shizu-chan? No, I brought his on myself, didn't I? Why the hell would I ask him a question like that anyway? I-I should've known from the start…!

I chuckled coldly, staring down at my no longer moving feet before continuing.

"So, is Shizu-chan in _love_ with me then?" I asked sarcastically, taking the rage I held for myself out on him. Why am I so horrible?

"No." The answer came quickly.

I felt a sudden pang in my heart at his answer, and scolded myself again for my constant contradicting of my own actions.

"N-No?" I stuttered out, sounding hurt.

He caught this. He sighed and quickly sat besides me, trying hard to act as if he weren't nervous as hell. Shizu-chan is a really bad actor. Guess he didn't get any of that talent Kasuka's got.

I couldn't help but tense at the sudden closeness, and kept my face pointed downwards. I didn't want to hurt him, but I just couldn't face him right now.

I sighed. "Figures." I muttered. Of course he would pick the worst possible time to try and 'comfort' me.

"Huh?" he said nervously.

Oh, he thinks I'm mad at him. Oh Shizu-chan~

Ha-ha... I cant even make myself laugh. Damn it Shizu-chan…why couldn't we have saved this conversation for a day where I _wasn't_ feeling like complete and utter crap? Oh right, because I actually _instigated _this whole conversation didn't I? I now declare this my official 'Self-hate Day'.

I glanced at him, mustering up the last of my courage before looking up at him completely, unable to stop the tears that began to well up in my eyes. Damn it, do not cry. He's seen enough of that now for a life time.

"Shizu-chan…" I started slowly. "How come you felt the need to say this now?"

I couldn't stop those words from coming out of my mouth. I suppose I'm just used to blaming others for these kinds of things that I didn't even realize what I was saying. I'm the worst.

He gulped, the guilt actually becoming visible in his eyes. I'm sorry Shizu-chan…I actually want to ask you for forgiveness haha…

"Sorry…" He said. "I was…selfish. I should've thought about how saying it would make you feel instead of just thinking of myself."

Wow, he actually sounds pretty mature and…well, kind of cool…..Shut up I didn't just say that.

Well Shizu-chan…you've left me with two options….The boring way to end this conversation, or the interesting way. Sorry Shizu-chan, I just cant help myself…

"Hey…Shizu-chan?" I asked hesitantly.

"Hm?" Came his quick reply.

"Can I do something selfish?"

Confusion settled back onto his features, but he agreed. I was…kinda hoping for the opposite reaction, honestly.

I sighed, turning towards him completely, placing a gentle hand on his cheek. His skin is warm. He shivered at the sudden touch, his face lighting up, but he didn't turn away. I feel happy about that at least.

"Just…don't move for a second, okay?" I said embarrassedly, my heart racing as my cheeks turned a faint pink.

I sighed, very slowly starting to lean in closer to him. I-I'm really going to do this…Why do I…feel so scared?

I closed my eyes slowly, tilting my head to the side as I came in closer to his face. His breathe tickled my nose, making my face heat up even more, and before I could really think about what I was about to do, or regret my decision at all, I pressed my lips against his.

Warmth.

That's what I felt. Shizu-chan's lips were warm and inviting. It didn't feel wrong at all, in fact, all I could think about was kissing him again, and again, and again.

With his eyes still closed, he sat there, as I pulled back after a few minutes before leaning in again, touching our lips together again in a sloppy kiss. No tongue was involved at all really, I just continuously pressed my lips against his, occasionally kissing cheek and jaw.

My breath became ragged as I panted against his lips, my face becoming nearly the color of a tomato.

After a few shorts minutes of silence, Shizu-chan slowly opened his eyes once again. His eyes looking directly into mine as we gasped for air.

He cleared his throat suddenly, placing his hand on mine before attempting to speak through his panting.

"I-Izaya…you…kissed me…" He said, his hand squeezing mine. "Why?"

I gulped. Here it is. The moment of Truth-!

"Because I like you Shizu-chan."

Sort of. Alright, so I kind of chickened out, so what? At least I said I liked him.

Almost instantly, his hand released mine, but before I had time to miss the warmth, he quickly pulled me into a hug. His arms wrapped themselves around my torso and waist, pulling my body as close as possible to his, and truthfully, I loved every minute of it.

Shizu-chan. You don't love me, but maybe, in time, could you come to? I'm tired Shizu-chan, so tired. So please, despite everything I've said or done, please,

_Stay with me._

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**This was so sappy! D: I'm sorry guys, but this chapter sucked! In my opinion at least. I just cant stand the way its written, and I cant FIX** **it no matter how hard I try! ARG! I feel so mad at myself! . …Anyway, before I get to caught up in self loathing, just a quick message to all of you out there that were reading my Daughter of Evil/Servant of Evil things, I'm discontinuing that story. BUT! Before you get all mad, its because I'm going to re-write it! XD So please, if you liked the original, please read the new and improved version as well! It would make me very happy. ^^**

**Now that that's done with, I would really, really, REALLY love to hear what you all think of this chapter! I need to know what was wrong with it and I cant figure it out! Please review, thank you so much! XD**


	32. Longing

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

* * *

**Shizuo's POV:**

I blinked my eyes a couple times, wishing with all my might that the sunlight coming in through the window would just disappear. It didn't.

I sat up slowly, stretching my arms up above my head, and yawned tiredly, already wishing I could've kept on sleeping.

As more time passed, the idea of sleep sounded more and more appealing, and finally giving in to the tiredness, I laid myself back down gently, fully intending to just pass out…that is, until I saw disheveled black hair peeking out from under the covers. I sprung up almost instantly, staring intently at currently sleeping person.

Wait…where am I? Whose bed is this? And…WHO IS THAT?

I leaned toward the sleeping figure laying beside me. Swallowing nervously, I extending my arm before grabbing the thick comforter and pulling, uncovering the persons face. My face heated up instantly. Exactly when did I curl up in bed with Izaya? I looked over his body. Twice. He was wearing an over-sized gray hoodie and VERY short black shorts. I quickly looked at my own body, a knot forming in my stomach as the fact that I was only wearing _sweat pants_ came to my attention. Fuck.

We couldn't have….don't _that, _could we?

Tch, no of course not, what am I thinking?

I sighed in relief as everything from the night before slowly came back to me. After we…uh, kissed…Izaya got tired and asked me to stay with him, which explains the sleeping together thing. Sort of. When did we change clothes? I have no idea.

I took hold of the bed comforter once more, gently covering his body, trying not to wake him with the movement.

What does this make us now? I know that care about him, and he _kissed_ me, so he's got to have feelings for me right? Then are we…lovers?

I could feel color rise to my face at the thought. Not that I wouldn't mind it, but how do things like this work? Its not like I've ever had a girlfriend or anything. Hell, Izaya's not even a girl! How do I take another guy out on a date!…Not that, Izaya would even want to go out with me…right?

I jumped at the sudden movement next to me, quickly turning towards Izaya as his eyes fluttered open sleepily. He looked up at me through his disheveled hair, his bed comforter covering most of his head as he smiled.

"Morning Shizu-chan…" He mumbled as he smiled, scooting towards me a little.

Holy hell.

He's fucking adorable.

"M-Morning." I muttered.

He closed his eyes, and for a second I thought he fell back asleep, before he suddenly launched himself up, wrapping his arms around my neck as we fell backwards.

It took me a total of five minutes to fully realize that I was now laying on my back. With Izaya on top of me.

"Wh-What?" I said frantically, feeling as if I were about to have a heart attack.

"Heh, delayed reaction much~?" He giggled.

Sh-Shit! He's not usually the one to initiate the physical contact!

I sat quietly, watching him lay on top of me in the over-sized bed for what seemed like hours, but I just couldn't look away. Exactly when did I stop see the 'flea', and start seeing just Izaya? When did his taunting smile become so beautiful? Why does the voice that drove me mad with rage, now full me with another emotion?

When did I fall so hard?

….

…

I just told him…that I_ didn't _love him. I thought I was telling the truth but, I'm not sure about that anymore. Do I love Izaya?

"Sorry, Shizu-chan." He muttered quietly.

"Hm?" I questioned, maneuvering myself to sit up on my elbows. "For what?"

He was silent for a moment, before he rolled off of me in an ungracefully adorable way.

"Well for starters, what I just did there. I must still be asleep or something, ha ha…"

He smiled as he spoke, but none of it was real, and it was heart breaking.

"Also…for last night."

Eh?

"Why are you…apologizing for that?" I said confused.

What does he have to apologize for? Sure, he was the one that kissed me, but its not like I didn't like it or anything.

….yeah, I said that. I regret nothing.

He chuckled lightly, rolling onto his side, facing me directly. I copied the movement, rolling to my side, gazing at the beauty that belonged to Orihara Izaya. He watched me for a while, just as I watched him, loving how brightly his eyes seemed to glow in the bright morning sunlight.

"I said I was going to do something selfish, didn't I? I didn't get a chance to apologize last night…" His eyes cast down slightly, a look of regret forming on his face.

I swallowed harshly, I don't like that face. I cant stand it. I want him to smile, really smile. I want him to laugh, I want him to be happy. I want to give him happiness.

"Thank you Izaya." I said before I could stop myself.

He looked at me as if I were crazy.

"You're thanking me?" He questioned, astonished. "For what?"

"Everything." I smiled brightly, somehow hoping it would make him smile to.

Instead he looked puzzled, his face going from shock to what I think is his 'thinking face'.

I chuckled warmly, deciding to save him the trouble of a possible mental shut down. I reached out slowly, caressing his cheek gently with my hand, effectively earning his attention once more.

"I mean I'm happy, Izaya. I'm happy I'm hear with you, and am able to lay here like this with you. And…" I trailed off slightly, feeling the color rise to my cheeks again. "The kiss. I'm happy for that too. There's a lot that I still need to talk with you about, but right now it doesn't matter, all that matters to me right now is you. Sorry, I'm kinda rambling." I chuckled a bit more, feeling embarrassed at what just came out of my mouth.

I looked back at him, dropping my smile.

Izaya's face was beat red.

"I-Izaya…"

"Shut up!" he said trying to cover his face.

"Why are you-?"

"Shut up!" He shouted again before he sat up, and started repeatedly hitting me on the head. Hard.

"Hey, cut that out!" I said as he smacked me again.

WHACK!

"Stupid!"

WHACK!

"Neanderthal!"

WHACK!

"Protozoan!"

I caught his hand before he landed another blow. I couldn't help feeling amused at his childish behavior.

"Geez, cool it!" I said, laughing a little, only making his face become even redder.

"Stupid, stupid Shizu-chan!" He shouted, trying to pull his wrist out of my hand.

He wasn't really trying to hurt me, that much was clear, I actually found his entire little tantrum rather hilarious. He hasn't been this energetic in a while.

Giving up on the 'escape' thing, he hung his head, huffing as he attempted to hide his blushing face.

So cute.

Feeling confident, I decided to try something else, forgetting the little voice in the back of my head screaming 'don't do it!'.

"Hey, Izaya?" I said, watching him intently.

He was silent for a minute, before a quiet "Hm?" came from his mouth, still refusing to look up at me.

Feeling my cheeks grow a little hotter at what I was about to do, I briefly considered backing down, but once again pushed the thought away, trying to maintain the random confidence boost I had.

"Can I kiss you?"

His head shot up instantly, his eyes wide as his face and ears became the darkest shade of red I'd ever seen on a person.

"HUH?"

I gulped, ok, maybe this was a bad idea.

"Last night…you said you liked me Izaya. Well, remember? I said I liked you too." I said nervously, about ready to apologize for the stupid question.

He didn't say anything, he didn't have to, his expression said it all. He was surprised that anything like that could come out of my mouth, I am too. He's embarrassed for pretty obvious reasons. But the only reassuring sign that he wasn't going to reject me completely, was his smile.

A sweet, delicate smile adorned his face as he sat there, his eyes softening as I stared at him in awe.

Feeling bold yet again, I decided to follow through with my plan. I slowly wrapped my arm around his thin waist, pulling him back into a laying position on the bed, earning a surprised yelp from him. Before he could say anything else, I pulled him close, our lips less than an inch apart. Still he said nothing, but he wasn't trying to make me stop either, which for me was a definite green light. I released a shaky breathe, his chest pressing against mine as he arched his back, our bodies as close as they could get.

His breathe hitched as I grazed my lips over his, feeling shy with the suggestive position we've put ourselves in.

This is it, Izaya. _This_ is what I want. I want _you_.

Slowly, I pressed my lips against his, the softness of his lips actually surprising me. I've never even kissed a girl with lips like his. As gently as possible, I dragged my tongue across his bottom lip, a moan escaping his lips as I did. Experimentally, I did it again, earning another delicious moan from the thin man. So Izaya likes that. Mental note for the future.

Izaya slowly traced his hands up my arms and across my shoulders, weaving his thin fingers through my hair as he groaned into the kiss. He gently placed a swift kiss on my lips, and leaned back, staring into my eyes with flushed cheeks, his eyes glazed over as he stared.

"Izaya…I-"

And just like that, loud banging came from his bedroom door, startling us both.

"IZA-NII!" A voice that could only belong to Mairu called. "Are you okay? Its morning now and Kuru-nee and I are hungry! Shizuo-san isn't doing anything weird to you is he?"

"I'm fine!" Izaya shouted back, not moving from our position. "And no, he isn't!"

Well if that wasn't a straight up lie.

Damn it Mairu….every single time!

* * *

**Author's note's:**

**And that's the end of chapter 32! I just realized something, there are over 30 CHAPTERS! :O Thank you everyone, so much! I love all of my readers for supporting me this far! You're all fantastic! So, what did you guys think of this chapter? How was the kiss? I hope it wasn't to weird. . Which also reminds me, this are officially rated M now guys, so if anyone has a problem with two men making love, then you should probably stop reading. Cause that's going to be happening at some point here.**

**Oh! Also, does anyone remember the scar from the beginning of the fic? I had actually forgotten where I was going with that, but around chapter 12 I kind of came up with something else for that. So that's going to be coming up soon too. XD its finally going to be explained!**

**This is a long authors section huh? :P sorry guys. There are a couple other things id like to ask you!**

**This was actually suggested to me a while ago, I've just been debating on whether or not I should actually write these chapters, or just put them in at the end of the fic. I'd like to write a chapter from Mairu's point of view. Really badly. Also Celty, I've been dying to. These two come up pretty often in this fic and I really want to write about how they feel about all of this. And lastly, I want to write a chapter from Izaya's point of view when he as still a child. Kinda like what his mother would do to him and all that. But I'm leaving this up to you guys, so what do you think?**

**I promise, this is the last thing I'm going to talk about! XD it hasn't been uploaded on tumblr yet I don't think, but the other day Kurgy showed me a picture of Shizuo and Izaya from chapter 1 of "If Dreams Came True" and I absolutely died! (in a good way?) So thank you to everyone who helped me convince her draw these pics, once the 1st pic is done, I'll put a link up here to it for anyone who wants to see. ^^**

**Ok, maybe not the last thing. :P I listened to Iza Shizu Night Fever today, and all i have to say is, GO LISTEN TO IT! :D**

**Please, please, please review! I love hearing opinions and advice from my readers! XD **


	33. And Again

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_#1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_#2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

* * *

**Izaya's POV:**

Shrugging my shoulders slightly, I gave Shizuo the 'I need my space look', and he released me. Before he even had the chance to say anything to stop me from leaving, I stood from the bed, making my way to the door.

"Izaya?" He questioned worriedly.

Ignoring the hurt tone in his voice, I walked away, shutting the door behind me with a slight thud. I didn't mean to seem so cold towards him, really, I'm just embarrassed as all fuck and don't want him to see my face. I mean…how can he _not_ be? He just got me to make noises I wasn't aware I could make. Strike that, noises a man should never make. I've never even sounded like that during sex, and all he was doing was kissing me.

He'll probably think I'm mad at him and freak out, but I'll apologize later.

Within seconds, the surprisingly strong force of to teenage female bodies collided with my back, sending me falling face first towards the floor.

Laying there for a few minutes, I listened to the annoying giggling of the two, trying _very_ hard to not get up an scream at them.

"Good morning…" I muttered semi-angrily, slowly lifting myself off the floor.

"Morning Iza-nii!" Mairu said a little to cheerfully. "So how was your first night with Shizuo-san? Did he last long? Was he too rough?"

"Hurt you…?" Kururi muttered after her.

WH-What the hell! Mairu, Kururi! How can they ask me so openly about something like that!

"Nothing like that happened!" I said, storming down the stairs, trying to just get away from them!

"Aw, come one Iza-nii! Give us the details!" Mairu whined, _still following me._

"Everything…"

"Shut up!" I hollered embarrassedly.

Mairu grinned. "Look Kuru-nee! He's so embarrassed his face is red! They must've done something really embarrassing huh?"

Shut up Mairu!

"Done something….very dirty…not for kids…"

Not you too Kururi!

I threw my arms up in exasperation, wishing I could just kick them out like I used to.

"If you want breakfast you will both shut your mouths this instant!" I said in a voice I dare to say was parent-like.

Mairu pouted like a five year old, glaring up at me in a very non-threatening manner.

"You're no fun Iza-nii." She said plopping herself at the table next to Kururi.

"Well why don't you try acting a little more mature?" I said setting a pot on the stove for miso and starting some rice.

"Like you have any right to talk about maturity." She snapped back, grinning at me triumphantly when I turned to glare at her.

"Whatever." I said cracking a few eggs into a pan.

"Don't forget to make some for Shizuo-san too!" Mairu yelled.

Is if I'd forget that…..She needs to learn to control the volume of her voice.

"I'll ask Shizu-chan what he wants to eat later."

Mairu grinned.

"I bet Shizuo-san would eat _anything _as long as it was _you_ cooked it." She said deviously.

I nearly collapsed on the floor.

That embarrassed me because it's probably _true._ Did all humans feel this way when they were in…_love…_? I curse myself for blushing harder.

Straightening myself up, I chose not to answer her, cracking a few more eggs into the pan cause I'm fucking _hungry._

"How long is Shizuo-san going to stay up there?" Mairu asked suddenly.

I turned to answer her before realizing that the question had been answered for me. Shizuo stood in the doorway; fully clothed I might add, looking at me with an extremely worried look.

The twins watched curiously, expecting some sort of show,…little brats.

I took a deep breathe, trying to steady out my voice and fight that god damn blush from spreading across my entire freaking face.

"Are you going to just stand there or what?" I questioned, turning back to the most likely burning food on the stove.

"Oh…uh…Sorry." He said, taking a seat at the table with the twins.

Peace and quite ensued for about five minutes before Mairu decided to screw that up too.

"So Shizuo-san, how is Iza-nii in bed! We're curious~" Mairu purred.

"Curious" Kururi repeated monotonously.

Grabbing hold of the counter top, trying SO HARD to stop myself from falling face first on the floor for a second time today, I spun around a little too quickly, nearly tripping over my own feat in the process.

Shizu-chan's experiencing a very similar reaction, although I must admit, seeing him double over in embarrassment like that is rather funny.

"W-We d-didn't do a-anything like th-that!" He shouted, trying to sound angry. Keyword, trying.

I had a million things to say, but I can't say them! My throat feels like its completely closed!

"I-I…W-we…" Was all I managed to say as that accursed pink hue dusted its way over my face once again.

Mairu burst out laughing, nearly falling off her chair as she held her stomach, as if this is just the funniest thing in the world…. _It isn't._

As if he suddenly remembered something, Shizu-chan whipped his head towards me, standing from his seat in an extremely frantic manner and fumbled with his words hopelessly.

"I-Izaya! I-Its not like I was going to do something like that or anything! Th-they don't know what they're talking about! I swear I would never try anything like that on you, I promise!" He said, apologizing multiple times.

Never? If this thing is going to work between us he has to realize its going to be a requirement at some point.

….I really just said that didn't I?

Mairu just laughed harder, even Kururi giggling slightly at Shizu-chan's little…_announcement._

"I see you two have _a lot_ to talk about, so Kuru-nee and I will just go out for breakfast, ok? Bye-bye~" She said, taking hold of Kururi's hand, dragging her towards the door.

Before I even had a chance to respond, the front door thudded closed, leaving Shizu-chan and I alone in an _extremely_ awkward atmosphere.

_Extremely. Awkward._

"I-Izaya…" Shizu-chan started. "I really wasn't planning on…_doing_ anything to you…"

I chuckled lightly, straightening myself up to turn back to the stove _once again_, and very nearly dying.

"GAH!" I yelled, startling the shit out of poor little Shizu-chan.

"What's wrong! Are you alright! Are you hurt!"

Shizu-chan instantly went into protective mode, rushing to my side as he looked around, as if he would see something he could beat up.

"The foods burned!" I yelled, sending a half-hearted glare at him since he's partially to blame.

His face instantly relaxed, before tensing up again in confusion and annoyance.

"Wait, that's it! Your food burned so you screamed like that! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" He scolded me like a little kid, that bastard!

"Well it wouldn't be burned if you guys hadn't distracted me! If you could've been quiet for just a few moments I wouldn't have looked away and the food wouldn't be charred like this!" I shot back.

His mouth hung open slightly, like he didn't know what I was talking about at all. Stupid Shizu-chan.

"Ugh…damn it…." He muttered, taking very deep breath's.

"Look," He said, officially calmed down. "We don't have to argue right now, okay? I'll make you breakfast."

I scoffed, a little harsher than I actually intended to.

"I haven't gone shopping yet Shizu-chan, this was pretty much all I had left."

His eyes went wide as he started at me.

Wh-What's with that look? He has no right to judge me!

"Well why haven't you gone shopping!" He yelled incredulously.

I huffed, crossing my arms and looking away from him, my cheeks turning a deep shade of red.

"I've been a little distracted lately, okay!" I yelled back.

Wow, I must have said something awful.

His eyes suddenly cast down, taking a step back from me as his shoulders drooped down, looking kind of how I imagine a kicked puppy would.

"Sorry…" He muttered solemnly.

Well shit, now I actually feel bad. Not that he has to know that though.

I 'tch'd' slightly, turning away from him once again before the blush on my face got any redder.

"It's not that big a deal…" I muttered quietly.

Damn you Shizu-chan, do you even realize what you do to me?

* * *

**Author's notes: **

**Wow, I hate this chapter. Its very poorly written. I kind of feel like I was forcing myself through it. I'm sorry for this disappointing chapter, and I will try really hard to make the next one better, I may be going on a short hiatus though. Maybe. I'm not sure yet. **

**I would really appreciate any opinions you guys have on this chapter, so I know what's wrong, and what needs to be fixed.**

**Before i go there is but one thing i must say. Just the other day, i heard Izaya sing 'Ai Think So', a spectacular cover of the original sung by Miku, and i loved it so much I've been spreading it around like wild fire, so i am now begging u, my dear readers, to go listen this song and support Limone-sensei. He is the best thing thats ever happened ever.**


	34. Ignorance

_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own Durarara! Or its characters. This is a fan fiction made purely for the enjoyment of others. Before reading this story there are 2 things you should know;_

_#1 This story contains MALExMALE relationships._

_If you do not like that sort of thing then this story is not for you._

_#2 This story contains child abuse on a high level, if you have a problem with that then once again this story is not for you. _

_Thank you._

_This is a story created by me and Kurgy. The main concept was developed by both her and I, so any credit for this story also goes to her._

* * *

**Shizuo's POV:**

"We can go to Russia Sushi for breakfast, ok?" I said, trying to redeem myself in whatever way I could.

He _tch'd_, softly, turning away from me as I reached for his shoulder. Come ON Izaya, really? How can he act so childish?

"Come on, you like that..what was it, Ootoro they've got there, right? I'll buy you some, I owe you anyway, right?"

I must be getting better with words. Izaya's shoulders drooped as he nodded his head in agreement.

"You better buy a lot of it." He muttered, heading upstairs to get ready.

Alright. Forget anything I said about things being awkward before now, cause this _definitely_ blew all of it out of the water.

We walked down the streets of Ikebukuro as casually as possible, hardly even speaking, or even looking at one another. But that's not what made this awkward. Because all fucking eyes were on us, no matter where we went. And yes. It was PISSING me off.

"Shizu-chan…maybe we should just go back…" Izaya said solemnly.

My heart tugged painfully at the defeated look on his face, what the hell should I do now?

"Just…forget about these assholes." I said, quickening my pace as Izaya followed silently behind me.

"Shizu-chan…please…."

I was getting down right pissed! What right did these people have to stare at us like this!

I turned around. "Look Iza- " before stopping immediately.

Izaya stood there, looking at his face while those little fuckers were taking _pictures _of him like he was some sort of side show freak!

"HEY!" I hollered, with the full intention of scaring that crap out of these people.

It worked.

"Put those fucking phones away and get _lost!_ You hear me!"

Within a matter of seconds they were gone, running for their lives at the thought of being crushed to death by whatever I just so happen to find lying around, in this case a parked car.

Izaya didn't move.

I stood in front of him awkwardly, scratching the back of my head as I thought of what to do next.

"Um…the palce is right over there, er, shouldn't we keep moving…"

"…bad.."

I stared at him for a while, trying to figure out what he just said, and failing.

"What?" I asked, touching his arm lightly.

'This was a bad idea." He asid again, voice almost smaller. Almost.

My heart sank, realizing that I'm once again causing him deeo emotionally turmoil.

"Why?" I said, trying to be the one to stay calm here.

"_Tch,_ you're so stupid Shizu-chan. Don't you remember what happened yesterday?"

I thought it over for a moment, my face paling upon the realization of what he was talking about.

"Izaya…I'm sorry, I wasn't hinking…"

He stuffed his hands into his pockets angrily.

"No, you weren't. Just what do you think would happen if we were to run into Dotachin now? How would I explain all of…_that._" He said, tears beginning to collect in the corners of his eyes.

Damn it Shizuo. Why cant you ever just fucking think things through.

* * *

**Authors notes:**

**I'm so sorry for such a short chapter. my computer is out of whack. I don't really have much to say now, but I gotta ask, how many of you out there are still into the Durarara fandom? I'm beginning to feel very alone…**


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